A SAD LITTLE KING ON A SAD LITTLE HILL…

Okay, buddy. Okay.

I see what it is.

Here’s a little iota of advice for you, from someone much younger than you are.

Not everyone is going to like you.

In life, in social situations, in business, and even in the creative industry.

Not everyone is going to like you. I’m very sure there are many people who dislike my writing. I’m sure there are people anxious to have me leave Film Threat. People who would wish I’d quit this place and disappear.

But you know what? I accept that. And I don’t lose sleep on it. Because that’s the risk of being in a creative field. It’s a pre-requisite. You’ll have just as much people saying “You suck” as there are people saying “You’re amazing.”

But what of people who voice incessant anger at people who have no say in how you create? Why call certain people out among your friends, and call them malcontents and losers? How pitiful is that? What kind of director does that? Uwe Boll does that. Are you as bad as Uwe Boll?

I’ve seen your work, and trust me, you and Boll need to get together.

Hey, people just won’t like you. That’s just how it is. And you either grow up and go about your business, or you take time out of your “busy schedule” and bitch about people who you’ve never met, whom have no real relevance to how your films are created, and gripe and moan and bitch.

And then you write stuff like this:
“From top to bottom, Producers down to Craft Service, the [studio] is made up of the “cool” kids from high school. Not the “nerds” who sat by themselves. There is a difference between the film “geeks” that we are and the “nerds” who enjoy films with no plots that meaninglessly objectify women. Perhaps that is why our films enjoy much more critical success with critics and audiences that are more main stream, while the “gore hounds” are relentlessly evil.”

And then later on, whilst giving us utterly terrible films, you complain that horror fans just don’t like you and what you do, and bash the audience when they notice that all your films have been nothing but carbon copy low budget reproductions of big budget films.

You defend these actions, you go to verbal war on these actions, you proclaim your copies as better than the originals, you hold no shame in committing these plagiarisms, and then you unleash your horde of plants on IMDB to smash and verbally abuse anyone who proclaims that the movie wasn’t good.

And I’ve seen your original stuff, and trust me, it just isn’t good, either.

Why get so worked up, why bad mouth, and why bitch about people who don’t judge how your life is conducted? I simply watch the films. I don’t make them, I sure as hell don’t produce them, and yet you still feel inclined to bad mouth those who dislike your movies, why?

Haven’t you learned anything from the cool kids from high school? Haven’t you learned in your posturing as an “artist” never to pay mind to those who dislike what you put out there?

You:
“Good job, [Felix], maybe you made [the actress] cry!”

You assume because I’ve criticized your repeated casting, and the limited abilities of said actress, that I’d make her cry? Maybe I did make her cry. Or maybe, just maybe, as an actress, she’s learned to let criticism roll off her back. Maybe she’s more evolved in terms of artistic merit than you are for that simple fact that perhaps she saw the criticisms and said “F**k ’em, I’ll keep doing what I do.”

You:
“At least watch the f’ing movies before you trash them.”

Oh, trust me, man, I’ve seen many of your company’s films, and I really can criticize with enough knowledge that your films are made for the sole purposes of cashing in and retaining a miniscule profit off of big budget films. And while normally, I’d never pay to watch “When a Stranger Calls,” I’d personally never pay to watch its carbon copy.

Hey, lean in closer to the screen. Can you see well enough? Perhaps leaning in closer can help you gain a better understanding of the message. Not everyone will like you. Especially when you plagiarize without apology, or explanation, or shame. You don’t create knock offs, you simply plagiarize, and I just don’t respect that.

You’re xeroxing a horror classic, and then boasting that this movie will be better. Or more so, here are the exact words straight from the bloated horse’s mouth:

“[Rip-off Movie] is an old school “modern” horror film. You can’t watch it and not think of HALLOWEEN or the old FRIDAY THE 13th films. But in many ways, it is superior to those movies. The acting in [Rip-off Movie] is far superior to anything I’ve ever seen come out of this sub-genre.”

You never admit this is a carbon copy, you never tell your “fans” that you were inspired by “Halloween,” and you just completely dismiss the aforementioned titles. There’s boasting about a project, and then there’s pure narcissism. And even if this does end up being completely different from “Halloween,” your insistence on connecting the two is deception, and further proof of your weight in this industry. And I’ll pass over the practice of including positive quotes on the back of your movie covers that mysteriously don’t have critical sources.

And hell, even if the films you actually created were watchable, I still wouldn’t respect you. Hell, Eli Roth may not be talented, and he gets a lot of s**t from me, but he keeps going on and doesn’t particularly let the bad feedback dictate how his career goes. But, hey, the films aren’t watchable. You’ve created a film about 9/11 when you can’t even properly create a knock off of a film about snakes on a plane! How can you expect to have fans?

Hey, don’t stop making films. Don’t stop. You don’t have to. You have to pay the bills. People have to work. Fine.

But if you do intend on continuing this practice of imitating big budget films, then you best be prepared to suffer the criticism of audiences and critics who find your insistence on doing so shameless, pathetic, and damaging to the independent film circuit.

You’re an enigma.

You cite PPV and rental as proof to success of your company, yet you complain about what people say about you on message boards, you say you’re a professional, yet you get mad at the negative feedback saying that we’ll make the actors cry, you say your company is made up of the “cool” kids and not the nerds, yet you act like a nerd whining and moaning when someone criticizes you, you claim creating these rip offs are just retain enough money to create original films, yet you later explain that you’d rather create these rip-offs then make an original movie.

Which is it?

I’ve seen many of your films, and I’m not a fan. I think they’re awful. But you know what? That’s one man’s opinion. Why should one man matter? Go with the eternal cop out of citing money to measure success, and then resort (which I know you will) to saying that “critics just don’t matter to you.”

Now, deem this as an uncalled for attack all you want, and brag to your friends how I resorted to the same practices you did. By all means, do that, but recall I’m one critic. And remember that at the end of the day, you’re still making lousy movies at a dilapidated office, and defending them to me like I’m Leonard Maltin. How pathetic is that?

Go back to your studios, and enjoy the praise from your friends, but just be careful the rug isn’t pulled from under you by reality.