.45

I’m in the general opinion that Milla Jovovich is likable, which is why I cut her slack, even when she doesn’t deserve it. She has charisma, she has looks, she has an odd sex appeal, and she’s shockingly worked a lot in her life; that I can’t deny. But she just can’t manage to squeeze out a role that’s different from the gunslinging Amazon woman we’ve seen a thousand times before. She’s played the same f*****g character in almost every movie she’s ever been in, and she’s done nothing to prove others wrong that she has the potential to act. “.45” is proof positive once and for all that Jovovich should stick to action films, because she’s no actress. “.45” is a shrill and exhausting practice in tedium that goes nowhere.

Don’t buy the cover of the movie. “.45” is not the action laced revenge film it claims to be. In its first half it’s an utterly campy and ridiculous domestic abuse drama that then transforms into a girl power flick as this moronic c**t decides she has to kill her boyfriend. Even at its most ridiculous, “.45” really manages to squeeze in some guilty fun that relies on over the top sequences that really will draw a chuckle from you. Sometimes stupid, sometimes absurd, and many times just over the top, “.45” will test your patience and grind your nerves. That’s a guarantee. It strives in hating men and idealizing women, and makes it apparent with dialogue like “Men are dogs,” and “Use your power as a woman to beat them.”

The prize, though, is Angus MacFayden who is a pure cartoon character here. He screams, he stomps around, he screams, he smashes things, he screams, and he chews every bit of scenery for the audience often resembling Meat Loaf on steroids. MacFayden is consistently awful here, and drags down what is otherwise nothing but a cheesy melodrama with an action angle. One of the most notable flaws in this spectacle is the dialogue. I utterly hate how many writers think adding f**k to every sentence somehow garners a sense of edge. F*****g saying f**k in a f*****g sentence doesn’t always f*****g translate into a f*****g hip attitude.

But, what I assumed would be a trashy splatter flick, really is nothing but an MTV “rah rah women” flick about a trashy woman turned idyllic avenging angel who has to destroy the evil cod swinging man that wants to enslave her under his grasp. Writer Lennon utterly fails in garnering our sympathies for Kat, because it’s apparent from the opening that she asked for all of what she gets, and it’s just too much to expect us to root for her. Any hopes that this “God Bless Women, Boo Men” film will keep us at the edge our seats are dashed once Jovovich in her repetitive screech and Gary Lennon’s hideous writing interrupts our expectations.

Keep collecting that check, Milla.

You go, girl. No really, go.