This is an insidious pod replica of a Christmas movie, a big throbbing green turd with twinkling lights. On the surface, it seems like a Christmas rom-com. But I can pick five of the run-of-the-mill mistletoe operas at random, and they will all be more engaging than Tinsel Town. That is because all those movies would be made to fit a formula, one that is as rigid as a gingerbread mold and has been used to make over a thousand of these titles. That is the way it is done because the formula works and keeps working. The writers did not follow that formula. Instead, they tried to make an 80s-style “fish out of water” comedy, abandoning the Christmas rom-com altogether.
“…[Sutherland] can’t be this unfunny if it’s not on purpose.”
This is the equivalent of using black to fill in a coloring book. Instead of character development, we have character degradation on the level of the final seasons of Are You Being Served. In a real Christmas movie, you feel the yearnings and frustrations of the participants. Here, you are not given a reason to care about anyone, except the poor little kids, who you wish would be adopted by a more loving Christmas movie.
Do not watch with any family members during the holidays, as they will feel perfectly justified staring at their phones in self-defense. But just like a birthday party piñata that has snakes sleeping inside, there are still a few salvageable pieces of candy to be found. The second half has its moments, including two and a half real laughs. But most of this movie burns like a kerosene-soaked Santa beard. Tinsel Town squeezed all the jam out of my festive donut this year, and it wasn’t even December yet.
"…remembering any part of this film puts me in a black depression."
