Plankenstein: A Killer Surf Movie

Hop aboard a board you will not get bored with in the homicidal surfboard movie Plankenstein: A Killer Surf Movie, written and directed by Diq Diamond. On one of the islands in Hawaii, Captain Merry Miller (Amy Jennings) and Officer Nahoa (Shane Chisum) have a homicide with no murder weapon or evidence, just a corpse next to a really ratty-looking old wooden surfboard. Instead of questioning the surfboard, they throw it away in the trash.

Kalani (Alex Dayuha) finds it and takes it out to where he works at the surf shack run by Scary (Robert Maclean). Kalani suggests adding the old board to their inventory of surf rentals, but Scary is concerned that all the bolts and metal stitches on the wood will cut someone, for which he may be liable. A couple of puffs of the green stuff later, Scary has the board up for rent with the others.

Captain Miller’s daughter, Lili (Leilani Ramos), hangs out at the shack as her boyfriend, Liko (Stuart Featheran), is training for Scary’s big surf competition coming up. Kalani likes Lili a lot, which Liko is none too pleased about. He also isn’t pleased that Lili has slept with every man and woman on the island at least once, as it keeps coming up when someone is run into at the beach.

“Anyone who dares defame Lili for having fun is targeted for death by Plankenstein.”

Lili doesn’t understand why men are allowed to enjoy sexual conquest and are called “studs,” but when a woman enjoys herself in the same way, she is called a “tuna.” Lili is constantly called a tuna and doesn’t like it at all. The old surfboard with bolts and stitching doesn’t like it either, as it is under an old curse to slay those who threaten the last Queen of Hawaii, and Lili is part of the royal bloodline.

So anyone who dares defame Lili for having fun is targeted for death by Plankenstein, who starts painting the ocean red. First off, it is obvious that Plankenstein: A Killer Surf Movie was made as a party movie. It will make an inebriated audience bray like doped-up mules while going hard on the weed and liquor.

Most of these movies come up with an outrageous concept that is displayed in the title and then coast on that, keeping things fast, cheap, and lowbrow. However, Diamond has extra special party favors, not unlike the LSD sugar cubes that appear about an hour into the film. Diamond puts in a lot more technique and craft than you usually see in the low-budget joke horror sector.