To quote Sir Patrick Stewart in Extras, “I’ve seen everything. I’ve seen it all.” Because you see, SamHel’s ExhumedCadaverLover is a 35-minute, direct-to-market, poetic, horror porno that explores the grief of great loss, the loneliness left by a missing lover, and that the smell of an exhumed corpse, you’re using as a sex doll, isn’t as bad as you’d think.
But I don’t want you to think there is any kind of humor here. No folks. This is not a comedy. Again, it’s a poetic, horror porno which focuses on the undying love that drives our tale’s sad yet sex-hungry protagonist, Maci (Skye Lin), who recently lost her lesbian lover amid tragic and mysterious circumstances. Maci dwells on her lover day and night. She sits alone at home thinking about herself and masturbates. So, Maci drops into the cemetery for a visit to commune with her dearly departed and masturbates while there.
“…Maci drops into the cemetery for a visit to commune with her dearly departed and masturbates while there.”
All the while, she is habitually texting, calling, and seeking a package she is waiting for. Finally, after another masturbatory excursion to the boneyard, Maci receives the call she’s been a-waitin’ on. The package has been delivered. Her lover has returned.
SPOILER ALERT: this movie ends with a chick f@#king a corpse. There, I said it. That’s bad because I’ve given away the ending. Still, I don’t think your average cinema goer, nor you dear Film Threat reader, will want to check out ExhumedCadaverLover. Obviously, SamHel knows his market. Truth is, in the 21st century, nothing’s underground anymore. Where there’s a demand, there’s supply.
ExhumedCadaverLover pushes boundaries, alright. Make no mistake. So, if what floats your boat is watching nubile nymphets get nasty with the delightfully decomposed naughty bits of their dead lesbian lovers, this is your bag, baby. I know I can never unsee it.
"…I can never unsee it."
