For those of you who didn’t know, there is a lucrative market for extremely low budget horror/porn films sold at horror conventions for 30$ a pop. You print the box art yourself and burn the DVD’s on your PC. It’s not hard and anyone with half a brain can do it. And see… that’s the problem. Anyone can do it. Crackheads, prostitutes, mental patients, homeless people, Boy Scout leaders and guys who really like sheep… ANYONE!
Story? What’s that? Acting? Who cares! And the only plot twist is when the titties pop out. That’s all that matters. Lots of nudity, little imagination and absolutely no attention paid to what the f**k the “filmmakers” are doing define this genre. All you need is a camera, a computer, and 70 minutes of chicks in various stages of undress. So you’d be right in thinking that this particular “niche” isn’t replete with budding Kubricks or Tarkovskys.
At the same time, if you think about it, there’s a movie worth making about how utterly f*****g retarded it is to make movies like that; and so I present: “A*s Monster”
From the director of such um, classics, such as “Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist” and “Rape is a Circle” comes one of the wittiest and smartest no budget comedies since the days of B&W Kevin Smith films. Now, I’m going to be totally honest here and admit that none of Bill Zebub’s other movies seem even remotely watchable to me, but after seeing this incredibly well made example of his work I think I might take another look through his filmography just to make sure I didn’t miss something.
Because “A*s Monster” isn’t just good, or sort of good, it’s f*****g GREAT. It’s a funny, inventive romp through the hell of zero budget filmmaking as three friends try to make their own shitty horror movie about an evil A*s Monster that attacks naked chicks so they can raise enough money to make a real movie someday. You get the feeling that much of this is taken from real life and given just the right amount of exaggeration and perspective to make it piss-your-pants funny. It’s pretty well filmed, the acting’s not too bad, the story moves at a quick pace. It’s never boring and it’s never stupid, and after a bit of a rough start it immediately grabs your attention and never lets it go until the end.
Forget the title, forget the box art (which is awful), and forget every single promo picture since I can’t find one worth a f**k. This is one of the most mismarketed films I’ve ever seen. You really cannot judge this film without seeing it, and it is SO worth seeing.
In the end, we’re left with the feeling that most of Zebub’s previous work was leading up to this movie. And that he, like the characters in A*s Monster, really just wanted to make a real movie that everyone could enjoy. Well, I don’t know about how things turn out for his characters, but Zebub’s achieved that goal.
Come on out for the 2007 Hollywood Horror, Sci-Fi and Fantasy Film Festival screening of “A*s Monster” at the Arclight Cinemas tonight, October 20, at 9pm!
