Drinksgiving

Drinksgiving is a film about a bunch of 30-somethings throwing a pre-Thanksgiving drinking party. Unnecessary drama ensues, friendships are tested, epiphanies are had, and then the credits roll. Peppered throughout its formulaic story are attempts at humor that even the most childish kindergartener would roll their eyes at. The script’s dialogue is dogshit stuffing fisted into the a*****e of a burnt Thanksgiving turkey. Does that come off as a bit immature? Well, so are grown adults referring to their semen as “baby batter”. Who does that? Kids in high school, that’s who. This “humor” makes it borderline unwatchable. It’s like Kevin Smith’s weakest dialogue dumbed down for toddlers with head trauma. F**k this movie and its cheap attempts at being edgy. It’s pitiful. This film is the store-bought pumpkin pie of comedies… if that pumpkin pie were left out for a year and used as a bathroom by a family of disease-ridden possums.

“This film is the store-bought pumpkin pie of comedies…”

There is a sliver of good found in this cornucopia of suck, however. The main leads, Sarah and Jake (played by Pamela Mitchell and Jacob A. Ware, respectively), are wonderful when they play off of one another, and there’s tremendous chemistry between these two characters, but when Mitchell is in a scene without Ware, her acting noticeably suffers. There are a lot of pointless characters in this movie, and while most of the actors are competent enough, the script’s terribly dialogue does them absolutely no favors. We spend almost the entire 90-minute runtime having to endure grown adults surprise dry humping each other and making puerile sex jokes that miss their mark by f*****g miles. You know what this film is? It’s the cinematic equivalent of that Uncle everyone has that still, well into your adult life, tries to tickle you, and “steal” your nose. This is the kind of a*****e who takes a sadistic pride in blaming his rancid beer farts on you. He’s the Uncle that piqued in high school and likes to telling inappropriate sex jokes in front of your Grandparents. He’s the Uncle that hangs out at shopping malls so he can scope out teenage girls. This film needs to grow the f**k up and stop reaching for the lowest hanging fruits of funny because the lowest hanging fruits are the ones rotting on the ground making an unpleasant mess.

I can’t help but be harsh towards this movie. It’s absolutely f*****g obnoxiousness. It plays like a teen sex comedy, but with full-on grownups spewing cheap and awkward innuendo. This film would have benefited from a younger cast because I have serious problems with 30-somethings acting like this. Hell, I even have severe issues with teenagers acting this annoying and asinine, but at least with a younger cast, it’d be easier to stomach. There are some moments that shine through the bullshit, however. One scene features Sarah and Jake pantomiming their displeasure with Aimee (played by Kari Lee Wasoba), the bitchy, stuck up frenemy who forces them to suffer her snobbery. Aimee is a wonderful character who I felt was a perfect foil for the duo until she’s reduced to a background character that has a f*****g idiotic obsession with a f*****g puppet. This film introduces some random guy who brought a puppet to the party, and Aimee has a creepy and unexplained attraction to it. Later in a completely time-wasting post-credit scene, it is blatantly shown that Aimee has f****d the puppet. Let me be absolutely clear here: this character did not f**k the puppeteer, she f****d a puppet. Someone fucks a f*****g puppet in this stupid f*****g movie. That’s not funny! F**k this movie all the way back to the depths of hell from whence it came.

“…you’re thinking that this might be one of those ‘so bad that it’s actually brilliant’ type of films. It’s not, seriously.”

None of these characters are people I’d want to spend any time with, and again, it’s not the actor’s fault in this case; the culprit for this film’s missteps is its script. There are a few more positive things I can say about Drinksgiving, however. The camera movement works well and makes you feel like you’re a part of the party. It has a really digital student film look to it that, at times, can be incredibly distracting, but aside from that Drinksgiving features some great cinematography and lighting for a low budget indie flick. I cannot stress enough how great Pamela Mitchell and Jacob A. Ware play off of each other. Their repertoire even makes some of the films most childish jokes work. Keylor Leigh and Juan Antonio are great too, but their characters just don’t have enough to do in the movie. Everyone else is mostly decent, but the soundtrack and terrible dancing are way too cringe-worthy of me not to bring up. This cast has no sense of rhythm whatsoever. Check out Pamela Mitchell’s band Letterist, they do a couple of tracks for the movie and they’re actually pretty damned good. I was really rooting for this movie, there aren’t enough Thanksgiving-themed films and I almost always love the premise of a party that goes awry, but the film’s humor just does not work. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking that this might be one of those “so bad that it’s actually brilliant” type of films. It’s not, seriously. There’s nothing close to making this film something you should willingly subject yourself to. It’s not entertaining; it’s just magnificently annoying. You’re better off engaging in passionate debates with your most out of touch and racist relatives around the Thanksgiving dinner table than spending 10 minutes watching this film. It’s not funny enough to work as a comedy, and it’s not raunchy enough to be shocking. It’s just too f*****g immature for its own good. This film needed a younger cast, at least then it would justify the pettiness, sophomoric diarrhea comedy, embarrassing dancing, and over-the-top and out of place drama.

Drinksgiving (2017) Directed by Bart Elfrink and Matt Olmon. Written by John Forrest and Lainee Frizzo. Starring Pamela Mitchell, Jacob A. Ware, Keylor Leigh, Juan Antonio, Kari Lee Wasoba, Zack Gold, Suki Peters.

5 out of 10