HOW TO FIX "HEROES," OR "HOW NOT TO BUY INTO YOUR OWN HYPE"…

(The following entry possesses spoilers to “Heroes,” please display caution)

It wasn’t my fault, and it sure as hell wasn’t the fan’s faults, but damn, “Heroes” has been very hit or miss this season. Not only have there been utterly inane sub plots, but all the best characters have been given some bland things to do for the sake of having something to do.

Rather than re-introducing only a few and starting fresh, the writers seem to really have bought into all of the hooplah and have placed the sexiest stars front and center. Claire, Peter, and Nathan have better screen time and barely have anything to do.

What would have been the logical choice was bringing back Matt, Suresh, Molly, Hiro, and maybe Sylar and Peter in the future, and introduced a whole new range of characters that continue the arc, but instead we’ve just been seeing the established characters treading mud and for seemingly obvious reasons.

Perhaps the arrival of Kristen Bell will spice things up and put all the crap in the back burner, because not only do I love Bell, I am a huge season one and two “Veronica Mars” fan, and I anxiously await her introduction hoping they give her something great to contribute.

Here are some suggestions from yours truly on how they can revamp the show and float it above mediocre.

1. Get Rid of Claire!
Okay, we know that HRG is going to die or may die, and we know that Superboy may or may not play a huge role in this death, and we know that Claire may or may not be conspiring against him, but you know what? I’m tired of Claire. It seems with all the hooplah surrounding the hot Panettierre, the writers have seemed to buckle down and placed her front and center. Thus we’re being exposed to Superboy-Lite. While I love the Superman references, this romance Claire has is boring. Can it, and kill Claire once and for all. We discovered she can recreate limbs and then… nothing else we’re slogged through romance crap for the last two episodes. Not only is this sub-plot forced, but it’s boring, and lines like “I never want to see you hurt,” only make me fear for the shows decline into mediocrity.

2. Karate Cousin
“This is Micah’s cousin. She’s from New Orleans. She has powers. She’s from New Orleans. She may be Bionic woman. She’s from New Orleans.” This plot has potential, but s**t, this is just a retread of Peter. “I feel like I’m meant for something special,” Monica declares to a cynical best friend, all with flashbacks of Hurricane Katrina that are so heavy handed. And why did Micah put his hand on her back so long? Was he copping a feel? Or is she a robot? Did he know she had powers? We know she comes from a harsh background, but don’t shove it down our throats. Also, her transformation into a Luchadore in the 10/15/07 episode was clunky and cheesy as hell. Not only did they telegraph the plot twist, but I just muttered the developments as it went along. “And here comes a robber, and here comes her super kick…” Develop her better and can the trite dialogue of her declaring that she is destined for better things, and her character may turn out well.

3. Kill Ando or give him a reason to be on the Show
What has Ando done since the premiere? He stood around doing nothing. He watched Hiro’s father die, screamed, gave a report to the police and wished Hiro was around. And then for two episodes we watched him sit silently and read messages from Hiro in the past who recapped what we’d just seen minutes earlier. Why? To give Ando some screen time. And why was he playing video games in his dead end job knowing there’s a mysterious force out there that may or may not know he played a witness? Why not give Ando something better to do? I don’t want to see someone as fun as Kyson Lee sitting around without dialogue reacting to Hiro’s redundant recaps. Keep him off until his purpose arrives: Telling Hiro his dad has died.

4. The Wonder Immigrants — who cares?
Wow, whodathunk these two would be so dull? Aside from conveniently picking up Sylar as their traveling mate, they’ve done nothing. There’s been zero progression. We know the woman can do something with her body that affects people around her, and we know her brother can sap the force from her to keep her from murdering people, but what else has happened? They run around, flee from the law, she inevitably cries a lot, her brother consoles her, lather, rinse, repeat. The same thing happens every time they’re on screen! Give us something to chew on with these two, or just leave them to be the next course in Sylar’s brain platter.

5. Peter and Hiro — no fun
Am I the only one who is bored with Hiro’s sub plot now? I mean the man is playing sidekick to Kensei and really has done nothing more than act as a Dr. Who clone and may or may not turn into the hero he’s worshiped all his life. And all the allusions toward Kensei have been flat. I just don’t care about his character, and yet we’re seeing more and more of it. As for Peter, talk about disappointing. He not only didn’t die, but he awoke with a necklace bearing the mysterious symbol, which has yet to be explored, and is now involved in a dull romance. Now in Ireland, he’s taken hostage by a bunch of Irish mobsters, and is inexplicably in to the gangster’s sister, which is quite apparently and blatantly a way to deflect the sexual tension between he and Claire that became uncomfortable once we learned they were uncle and niece. Sadly yet Peter is now at the mercy of these gangsters.

He knows he has great power, he now knows how to use it and yet still bends to their will because all relics that will help him restore his memory are in a box? And voila, Peter submits to their deeds once the gangster holds the box over the fire when he very well could have beat the crap out of him and grab the box? And what happens when he finally gets the box? He doesn’t want to open it, because he’s afraid to see what it may have. What a cheap way to keep his sub-plot going.

6. Put the great sub-plots forward
Why is Molly having these horrible nightmares? What do they want with her? What does she hold that they want from her? Why is Matt having such trouble finding this presence? Who is this person or person/s murdering the old team? What is this mark all about? What does this mark do if it does anything at all? What are the powers of this assassin or assassin group? What did the early heroes do that was so awful? Is this all revenge? Do any of these older heroes have powers at all? Why did Sylar awaken in the forest? Why are his powers gone? So far they’re serving up some potentially excellent hints of sub-plots, back story, and themes, and so far, there’s nothing. We’ve received very little background and emphasis and all these questions and tension is taking a back seat to Superboy, HRG repeating the same lines over and over, and Peter.

7. Leave Nikki Out of it All
I don’t want to be near the season finale and suddenly have Nikki shoe horned into the climax. Nikki is boring, her sub plot should be over. Leave Micah to carry on the continuity. That won’t mean s**t since next week’s episode shows a glimpse of Larter, but damn, leave Larter off the map. We know who and what Jessica is, let’s leave sleeping dogs lie and be done with it. Larter isn’t even a good actress.

Turn it around “Heroes,” it’s been a so-so season. I’ll keep watching.