NOW IN THEATERS! In director Tom Gormican’s Anaconda, Jack Black and Paul Rudd turn a “let’s make a movie” idea into a self-aware jungle fiasco where filmmaking butts up against Mother Nature. As kids, Doug McCallister (Jack Black) and Ronald “Griff” Griffin Jr. (Paul Rudd) dreamed of becoming filmmakers. They made their first B-horror movie, The Quatch, with their friends Kenny Trent (Steve Zahn) and Claire Simons (Thandiwe Newton). The duo parted ways when Griff went to Hollywood to become an actor, while Doug chose the more “sensible” route by staying in his hometown and starting a family.
Today, Doug makes wedding “films,” is married to his sweetheart, Malie (Ione Skye), and secretly writes screenplays on the side. On the other hand, Griff is a washed-up actor returning home. One night, Griff throws Doug a birthday party. Doug’s gift is a restored print of The Quatch. Instantly, the movie-making bug returns. As a second gift, Griff tells Doug he has the rights to the 1997 classic Anaconda. After Malie gives the go-ahead, Doug agrees to write, produce, and direct a reboot of 1997 Anaconda with Griff, Kenny, and Claire.
Upon arrival in Brazil, Kenny hooks the team up with an anaconda wrangler, Santiago (Selton Mello). Unbeknownst to the crew, their riverboat captain has been replaced by Ana Almeida (Daniela Melchior), whom the jungle gold smugglers are chasing. As the boat sets sail down the river, everything that can go wrong… does go wrong.
I’ll start by saying that Anaconda is fun. Jack Black and Paul Rudd are simply playing caricatures of themselves. As Doug, Jack Black is high-energy and the epitome of positivity and team encouragement. Rudd’s Griff is an insecure actor who cannot help but insert himself into every role, leading to a deadly mess. Along with Zahn and Newton, Anaconda is a meta-movie about the pretentiousness of artists who believe that just putting out good vibes into the universe will protect them from misfortune. Oh boy, are they wrong.
“After Malie gives the go-ahead, Doug agrees to write, produce, and direct a reboot of Anaconda with Griff, Kenny, and Claire.”
Anaconda is the slapstick comedy that Jack Black is known for, and he is the master of his own genre. To me, the standout performance comes from Selton Mello as Santiago. He walks that line between being likable and downright creepy. His overly dramatic line delivery upstages everyone around him, and it’s well deserved.
You’ll be happy to know that no snakes were harmed in making Anaconda because no actual snakes were used. The CGI is so noticeable in this movie, and I get why, but am I wrong to think practical effects are cheaper than CGI? Maybe I’m crazy.
Here’s my problem with the film. It’s safe… too safe. The jokes are inoffensive and self-deprecating. I prefer my humor to touch—if not cross—the line and choose to offend. Please… offend me. Punch up. Punch down. Punch sideways. Safe equals bland, and the comedy is certainly bland. The only memorable moments for me were the scenes with either Santiago or Boris the Pig. Playing it safe means your comedy will never be great. So enjoy your good movie.
In the end, Tom Gormican’s Anaconda is a crowd-pleasing comedy designed not to offend the masses—even though that’s precisely what I want. Still, between Black’s signature enthusiasm and Rudd’s insecure actor persona, Selton Mello walks off with every scene, leaving the audience at his mercy. Good… not great. I want great.
"…Please… offend me."
