I’m seeing Stella Polaris Ulloriarsuaq mere weeks after Trump released a statement announcing his intent to withdraw the U.S. from the Paris Climate Agreement. For those that don’t know, the Paris Climate Agreement is a decree by the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change basically stating that every country involved will do what they can to cut down their greenhouse gas emissions and promote clean energy research and substitutions in an effort to slow down, and in some cases reverse the effects global warming is having on our shared planet. Two countries have already opted out of signing the agreement, Nicaragua and Syria; Nicaragua believes the Paris Agreement isn’t severe enough, and that their own efforts to cutback on greenhouse emissions are far stronger, thus making the agreement basically pointless for them, and Syria is opting out due to a violent and ongoing civil war. I’m bringing this up not to be political, I could give two shits and a fuck about who you voted for to be honest; this goes beyond political parties and miles and oceans beyond a bunch of pussy ass billionaires with their pants around their ankles engaging in dick waving contests while our relatives fight their holy wars for gun control and rebel flags on Facebook using memes featuring the Minions. This is about Greenland and their ice, man.
“The film is shot stunningly, but in so many scenes we’re literally just watching ice melt.”
Stella Polaris Ulloriarsuaq is a beautifully boring documentary that shows us the impact of global climate change that’s happening in Greenland, and if D2: The Mighty Ducks had taught me anything as a child, it’s that “Greenland is full of ice, and Iceland is very nice.” The film is shot stunningly, but in so many scenes we’re literally just watching ice melt. I understand that is pretty much the entire point of this movie, and the irony of my prior statement is not lost on me, but sometimes it’s just too much. If you intend to sway an audience to your cause, you have to be a bit flashier than that. Another criticism I have is the film introduces talking heads with no credentials; who are these people? Why should we listen to them? Who are they in the grand scheme of things? The film does little to answer any of my questions, and I find myself getting increasingly frustrated. Also, Stella Polaris Ulloriarsuaq commits the atrocious sin of having tiny ass white subtitles against a mostly background. I can’t read that shit! Seriously it irritates me when they do this. This is why people hate watching foreign films, they have one bad experience with this level of incompetence and they swear them off altogether.
If it feels like I’m stalling in this review, I am. There’s not much to say about Stella Polaris Ulloriarsuaq except that global warming is incredibly shitty, we’re shitty for causing it, and douchebag celebrities who chastise the general population for our carbon footprints but then journey around the world in private jets and yachts are a billion times shittier. Watching the ice in Greenland melt is terrible and heartbreaking; looking at the beautiful scenery breakdown is gorgeous, yet melancholy. Hearing the native people of Greenland recount their legends and prophecies is interesting, but this film is boring to sit through. 1/3rd of the film seemed like it was a PC screensaver going on while your little cousin tuned her violin in the other room. This should have been a short, or a National Geographic special where we had interesting people narrating the entire thing throughout. I don’t recommend Stella Polaris Ulloriarsuaq, but I wish I could though. I truly believe in the cause it’s advocating for, and we see the devastating consequences up close and personal, but there’s just not enough to this film to make it anymore than beautiful imagery with terrifying context broken up with the occasional words of random people. There’s not enough to this film to make it an actual film, it’s beautiful scenic photography that has its powerful and important message overshadowed by lingering nature shots and a severe lack of focus.
6 out of 10