jonnyredman
08-28-2003, 05:58 PM
OK so it's not a new film... Who gives a shit.
King Kong Lives!
Ten years after being machine gunned off the top of the World Trade Centre, Kong is found to be still alive, kept in a secret laboratory where he slumbers in a coma. Only major surgery and a mechanical heart can save him, but there is no suitable ‘giant ape’ blood, necessary to make the operation a success. Luckily down Borneo way an intrepid explorer has found and captured a female giant ape. How do we know it’s female? Because it has giant saggy ape tits.
Lady Kong is transported back to the US to help out with the blood transfusion. Kong gets his new mechanical heart but he also gets the hots for Lady Kong and as soon as he’s recovered from his surgery he’s looking to bust out of his cage to get himself some monkey love…
This is a great piece of movie hokum and only the gayest of film buffs wouldn’t enjoy seeing a fifty foot gorilla having an artificial heart the size of a small car lowered into his chest cavity by a small crane. Equally enjoyable is the dialogue, lines like ‘Sir, the other monkey’s gone apeshit!’ and ‘We won’t have any trouble identifying the enemy, they’re approximately fifty feet tall and wearing their birthday suits’ are simply priceless and are delivered with such straight faces that it only adds to the entertainment. The humour and campness must have been intentional, some of the things that happen in this movie cannot have ever been intended to be taken seriously. Like when Kong is being attacked by a bunch of rednecks he grabs one of them, bites him in half and then picks the guys cap from out of his teeth. And when Kong and Lady Kong are at last alone together their romance is unbearable. They look into each others eyes and cuddle as sweet music plays, groom each other, she bathes his wounds… They even smile at each other….. Giant apes smiling at each other, fantastic .
A whole bevy of well known faces show up, most noticeable is Linda ‘Sarah Connor’ Hamilton, whose character, monkey expert Dr Amy Franklin, ‘puts out’ quicker than Lady Kong does. ‘We’re all apes’ she says as she opens her sleeping bag up invitingly to the intrepid explorer from Borneo. Best actor award must go to John Ashton (Beverly Hills Cop's Detective Taggert). Playing the part of Army bad-ass Colonel Nevitt he chews the scenery with gusto and it’s a fine reward when we see Kong smash him to a pulp with his giant fist.
One can only marvel at such a bizarre choice for a multi-million dollar American movie, a sequel to one of movie history's biggest flops , who’d have thunk it?
Dino de Laurentiis is either a bloody fool, or is just plain taking the piss. This film cost $35 MILLION! And it looks like shit! It does however have a certain appeal to it, much like the Toho monster movies. There’s nothing quite like seeing men in monster suits smashing up miniature sets and interacting with live actors via dodgy blue screen work and bad matte paintings. Infact King Kong Lives’ only real shortfall is that the cast aren’t all Japanese
King Kong Lives is currently only available as a poorly transferred non widescreen (it's a scope film) DVD in the UK, for about £4.
:)
King Kong Lives!
Ten years after being machine gunned off the top of the World Trade Centre, Kong is found to be still alive, kept in a secret laboratory where he slumbers in a coma. Only major surgery and a mechanical heart can save him, but there is no suitable ‘giant ape’ blood, necessary to make the operation a success. Luckily down Borneo way an intrepid explorer has found and captured a female giant ape. How do we know it’s female? Because it has giant saggy ape tits.
Lady Kong is transported back to the US to help out with the blood transfusion. Kong gets his new mechanical heart but he also gets the hots for Lady Kong and as soon as he’s recovered from his surgery he’s looking to bust out of his cage to get himself some monkey love…
This is a great piece of movie hokum and only the gayest of film buffs wouldn’t enjoy seeing a fifty foot gorilla having an artificial heart the size of a small car lowered into his chest cavity by a small crane. Equally enjoyable is the dialogue, lines like ‘Sir, the other monkey’s gone apeshit!’ and ‘We won’t have any trouble identifying the enemy, they’re approximately fifty feet tall and wearing their birthday suits’ are simply priceless and are delivered with such straight faces that it only adds to the entertainment. The humour and campness must have been intentional, some of the things that happen in this movie cannot have ever been intended to be taken seriously. Like when Kong is being attacked by a bunch of rednecks he grabs one of them, bites him in half and then picks the guys cap from out of his teeth. And when Kong and Lady Kong are at last alone together their romance is unbearable. They look into each others eyes and cuddle as sweet music plays, groom each other, she bathes his wounds… They even smile at each other….. Giant apes smiling at each other, fantastic .
A whole bevy of well known faces show up, most noticeable is Linda ‘Sarah Connor’ Hamilton, whose character, monkey expert Dr Amy Franklin, ‘puts out’ quicker than Lady Kong does. ‘We’re all apes’ she says as she opens her sleeping bag up invitingly to the intrepid explorer from Borneo. Best actor award must go to John Ashton (Beverly Hills Cop's Detective Taggert). Playing the part of Army bad-ass Colonel Nevitt he chews the scenery with gusto and it’s a fine reward when we see Kong smash him to a pulp with his giant fist.
One can only marvel at such a bizarre choice for a multi-million dollar American movie, a sequel to one of movie history's biggest flops , who’d have thunk it?
Dino de Laurentiis is either a bloody fool, or is just plain taking the piss. This film cost $35 MILLION! And it looks like shit! It does however have a certain appeal to it, much like the Toho monster movies. There’s nothing quite like seeing men in monster suits smashing up miniature sets and interacting with live actors via dodgy blue screen work and bad matte paintings. Infact King Kong Lives’ only real shortfall is that the cast aren’t all Japanese
King Kong Lives is currently only available as a poorly transferred non widescreen (it's a scope film) DVD in the UK, for about £4.
:)