Footage Fetishes

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Happy fun comments for "Footage Fetishes" column go here.

[Gorillaboss]

Well played.

Your review of GMK: Mega Kaiju Osaka Fish Concern Scuffle Turbo was inspired. You took the words right out of my mouth, when you said that the film purged the Roland-Emmerich abortion from your cerebrum. I thought Godzilla was lost to me forever, like Star Wars...but, lo! The King of the Monsters is reborn!

And it is my mission to bestow upon you the revamped Gamera trilogy, so you can see the sparks which re-ignited the Big G's nuclear furnace.

[BradleyGibson]

A hearty "Boo-Ya!" for your "Big Trouble" article... loved it! And, man, I love that movie! A sequel is an outstanding idea... anyone out there with greenlight authority listening?

How about we cast Eliza Dushku as an age-inappropriate hottie love interest for ole Jack Burton on a dark and stormy night?

I understand she's gonna have some time free shortly when her new TV series tanks...

[BobClark]

Nice piece on Big Trouble in Little China.
As a teenager, I recall being unimpressed with it when it first came out on video. Then it showed up on cable and I found myself watching it over and over again, liking it more each time.
I don't know how well a sequel would work, though. I mean, what more can be done with these characters? Sure, you can just drop them in different situations, but then you risk producing just a tired rehash.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Damn fine article, pretty much addresses all my concerns and opinions about Big Trouble... .
Now, regarding a sequel well, I think it's a no-brainer especially if Big Trouble's script really did start out as a Buckaroo Banzai sequel. A Buckaroo Banzai crossover! Peter Weller and Dennis Dun playing the logical straight guys to Kurt Russel's ham fisted Burton. Buckaroo Banzai and Wang Chi save the world as Jack Burton bumbles about in the foreground, possibly inadvertantly causing catastrophic events and/or resolving them. Yup, I'd pay cash money to see that.

[Seedy Edgewick]

Real Genius

That flick inspired me like no other.

Okay, quit laughing and I'll explain why. That was the first time I saw some major piece of pop culture extoll the virtues of geekdom. The coolest guy on campus was ALSO the brainiest. While Val Kilmer's career has spiraled downward, this remains one of his best performances. He seems to be having a shitload of fun. Plus, he gets all the best lines:

[to a hot, bikini-clad chick about to eat a hamburger] "Don't eat that! Don't you know eating those can give you very large breasts? Oh no, I'm too late!"

Professor: Chris, I want to see more of you in the lab.
Chris [Kilmer]: Fine. I'll gain weight.

"I'm reminded of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'"

The man's a better writer than I, so I'll let him decide if it makes for good column fodder.

[Seedy Edgewick]

Don't know if Herr Haar has done this one yet: Crossroads.

Yeah, the Britney Spears vehicle. Right.

No, I'm talking about that OTHER Crossroads with Ralph Macchio and Jamie Gertz. It's the only flick I've seen that addresses music, specifically Blues, as more than entertainment or a business. The film focuses on the music itself, rather than the musicians the way The Commitments or That Thing You Do or Eddie and the Cruisers do. "The Blues ain't nothin' more than a good man feelin' bad."

How 'bout it, Pete?

[Gabitsch]

The review of "Decline of Western Civilization Part II" is fantastic. I've only seen the movie once, and would love to see a box set of all three one day. Not sure who owns the rights, though. Blue Underground would do a great job on it, I'm sure.

Reading the review reminds me of the Mr. Show sketches on rock bands, especially the glam rock band who are convinced they're not gay. Funny stuff. One of Mr. Show's actors, Brian Posehn, is a very funny stand-up comic, and more than a little responsible for the show's hard rock sketches. He's on the Stormtroopers of Death DVD, "Kill Yourself: The Movie," which is worth picking up if you can still find it. The commentary track with Posehn, SOD/Anthrax guitarist Scott Ian and their camera guy is hysterical.

When "Decline II" came out, I was one of those metal kids who made fun of bands like Poison and trumpeted the greatness of Megadeth, Anthrax and Metallica whenever possible. Still do. Except Metallica, of course. That new album is an even bigger bummer than their last four. It's like they forgot how to play or something.

There's lots of good metal out there today, and none of it is on FM radio. Seek it out. Check out stuff from Metal Blade Records, Nuclear Blast Records and Century Media. Black metal, power metal, death metal, doom metal, "retro" metal: it's all good rock.

I mean, if Iron Maiden and Judas Priest can reunite and sell out stadiums in 2003, WITHOUT getting on those stupid retro-rock tours with Poison, Dokken and those guys, someone's doing something right.

Now if only there were good rap music again. Go on and bling-bling, children. I prefer to read-read.

[valenabot]

Just wanted to say I have laughed my ass off at Big Trouble since I was like 12, it's definitely one of my favorites.

Are there really people out there who don't "get it?" I mean how can you not find an explosive death by bloating hilarious? I feel sorry for you people!

Sadly, I must say I disagree with the sequel idea, although in theory it sounds good, but it would suck if done today. However I would fight for a sequel if it meant they would NEVER do a remake.

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Wow, "Crossroads." Good call. My friends and I always rewound the Steve Vai part at the end, but the whole movie is great. I need to watch it again.

"Real Genius" is one of my favorites, too. I've got that on the short list, actually, but there are some other ones I want to do beforehand.

Good suggestions all. And Gabitsch, I have *got* to get my hands on the SOD movie. Funny you should mention the Wyckyd Scepter sketch, since "Decline II" was the first thing I thought of when I saw that episode of "Mr. Show."

Pete

[Adam Hackbarth]

What about "Heart Beeps" with Andy Kaufman?

Also, have you done "Three O'Clock High" or "Can't Buy Me Love"...?

Ronnie doing the African Ant Eater Ritual is a classic... and the movie is also a big foreshadow to the talent of Seth Green. I laughed at almost every line he delivered. Whenever my friends and I find ourselves drunk and on a dance floor, we kick into the African Ant Eater Ritual... it's a dance that goes great with today's hip hop.... which I generally loathe... unless it's got that kick'n Ant Eater beat. Plus, it frightens onlookers.

Three O' Clock and Can't Buy Me Love are two of the less popular 80's high school flicks.

Totally agree with Crossroads. "What 'cho waiting on... huh?"

Vai as Jack Butler kicks ass... it was B.S. that Ralph won. Ralph cheated. The unobtainable note was clearly a violin. The bastard! Hehe.

Other movies to cover:

"Young Doctors in Love" - one of the first movies I ever saw on Cinemax (hey I was young and never allowed to watch Cinemax)

"Electric Dreams" - also one of those early computer movies. This, however, being a crappy one with Virginia Madsen.

"The Beniker Gang" - this was on cable quite a bit. Andrew McCarthy in a very non-80's 80's movie.

"Six Pack" - Loved watching while growing up. I fell in love with Diane Lane during this flick. Not only that, but Erin Gray was in it as well... and if you were a boy in the early 80s... you probably still have flashbacks to some of the outfits she wore on Buck Rogers. Classic! Love will turn you around! Turn you around!

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Thanks for the suggestions, Adam. A few things of note:

I didn't like "Heartbeeps." I'm also not a big fan of "Electric Dreams," and anyway I vowed to myself that I'd never do a romantic comedy for "Footage Fetishes," even if it was cloaked as a sci-fi film or a robot love story.

And even if it did have Virginia Madsen in it.

"Three O'Clock High" is an interesting idea. "Can't Buy Me Love," I'm afraid, also fails from the romantic comedy standpoint.

I'm surprised "Six Pack" isn't more popular, given the legions of NASCAR fans out there. The film itself scares me, and so do you for bringing it up. If I do any early Diane Lane movie it'll be "Streets of Fire."

[Adam Hackbarth]

I didn't like any of those movies either... except Can't Buy Me Love. I was just listing movies that I remembered from my first days watching cable. Cable was an exciting time... I would watch ANY MOVIE... simply for the fact that I was in love of the concept of watching an entire movie at home w/o commercials. Our family didn't get a VCR or any kind of player until the mid to late 80s. My dad would always say, "Why get a VCR? Why did I pay for cable if we are going to get a VCR?"

I used to watch Six Pack... t'is true. I was a child of cable. I grew up on Six Pack, Cannonball Run, Smokey and the Bandit, and Looker. Those were the only films playing on HBO/CINEMAX. I saw them over and over again. Not because I preferred them, but these were the only movies I could watch. I remember being shocked after hearing Mel Tillis say, "I can't see shit, can you?" Cable was amazing to me.

Sad to admit, but I had the entire dialogue from Cannonball Run memorized... and if I watched it today, I could probably recite along with it.


Yes, once I got a VCR I was no longer a slave to HBO, but when I was an HBO zombie... I had fun. Gosh I miss "Not Necessarily the News"...

as far as Nascar is concerned, another movie I loved back then was "Greased Lightning"... the Wendell Scott biopic. No, I am not a race car fan or a motorhead. But as a kid, I dug the movie.

I was born in 1973... by summer of 1980 I was only six years old. Keep that in mind. Hell, at that point, the list of movies I saw in the theatre was REAL SMALL:

Here's the list - Star Wars, The Muppet Movie, Star Trek (in a drive in), and Popeye.

Other movies on cable that I grew up on: Foul Play, Modern Problems, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid... man... no wonder I grew up so screwy. I was a pre-teen Carl Reiner fan.

Adam
(the 30 yr old Carl Reiner fan)

[Seedy Edgewick]

Wait, I'm confused. I thought Vai was beaten because he couldn't keep up with the classical arpeggios Macchio broke out at the end. I don't remember an "unobtainable note."

Of course, I last saw that flick in the THEATER, so my memory might be flawed.

[Adam Hackbarth]

He would try and complete the arpeggio, but when trying to play the final high note of Ralph's classical solo, he kept trying over and over. That last "amazing" high note could not be obtained by Jack Butler... therefore he was defeated.

[Ricky Retardo]

That one keeps popping into my head. It's a lost classic.

[bexley]

Ok, everyone has to bow down to The Malibu Bikini Beach Shop!! Come on, that and The Whoopee Boys with Paul Rodriguez have to be some of the best movies available!! Oh, and Video Dead is the shit!

[Pete Vonder Haar]

<bump>

Forgive the self promotion. My new column's up and I don't think anyone noticed it.

http://www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=833

Or, they did notice and simply don't care. In which case, please carry on.

Pete

[Adam Hackbarth]

If I was to make a remake to The Warriors, it would be simple:

1. The Warriors are accused of killing Cyrus.
2. The Warriors run away into the darkness.
3. They remove those jackets that say "The Warriors" on the back of them and swap them out with regular jackets.
4. The rival gangs scratch their heads and wonder where they went.
5. The Warriors walk off into the night to the tune of a horrible Joe Walsh tune.
6. Roll credits.


The Warriors rule!

[mruzick3]

Nice 'Warriors' article Pete! About six or seven years back Laemmle's Sunset 5 had a revival of that film and others like it. There was one in particular that was pretty damn funny. It involved an all-girl biker gang who join forces with a militant black panther sect to cause complete chaos to the city. Sort of a female 'Warriors' meets blaxploitation. I can't remember the name of it and it's buggin' the hell outta me. Any ideas?

___________________________
Mike Ruzicka

[Pete Vonder Haar]

"Outlaw Riders?"
"Hell's Belles?"
"She-Devils on Wheels?"

Know the era when it was made? Director? Anyone who was in it?

Help a brother out.


And Adam, the Warriors don't take their colors off for anybody. Just ask the Orphans.

Pete

[mruzick3]

It was definitely seventies and I don't think motorcycles really played a heavy role in the film. I just remember some really cheesy dialogue, a fight for the top position of the gang, an unlikely alliance with a black-militant female gang, and a demolition-derby like finale in a city set complete with machine guns and, I believe, a tank. I know that's a lot of weird elements but I've been hitting a brick wall here and IMDB didn't help.

_________________________________
Mike Ruzicka

[The Baron]

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

*applause*

Bravo, Pete. I laughed, I cried, I put on a Dio CD to try to push the funky music out of my mind's ear.

Seriously, though, I really enjoyed the article... In spite of the fact that the horror of the "Breakin'" films helped to scar the 80s for me.

[Graham Rae]

Pete, your article on Breakin' 2 was absolutely classic and made me laugh like hell, while giving me Nam-like flashbacks to the trash films like this, Beat Street, Wild Style and The Last Dragon my younger brother used to subject me to during the late 80s, when he got into breakdancing culture during its first UK wave. Disturbing stuff indeed. You forgot to mention that Jean Claude Van Damme is actually one of the breakdancer extras in one of those Boogaloo flickershows; can't remember which one though. Brek oot the lino ya bass!

"Man, you dance just like Fred Astaire!"
"Who?"

Hahahahaha...thanks once again for the mad memories, Pete. Much appreciated.

G.