Excess Hollywood

[Chris Gore]

Doug Brunell's "Excess Hollywood" column has caused a lot of controversy as late. Especially Doug's recent column where he proposed that Keanu Reeves was the new Jesus.
Read it here: www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=717

We must have received 200 letters about that column alone, but "Excess Hollywood" always seems to get a reaction. And that's putting it politely. Would anyone like to comment on Doug's column?

[Pete Vonder Haar]

I'm not sure I understand why people get so up in arms when someone slags a favorite performer of theirs, especially in something like Doug's column, which was pretty tongue in cheek.

Even more puzzling, to me, is what people like that are doing reading Film Threat in the first place. The site is full of shit like that, and isn't poking fun at celebrities something FT has always had a reputation for?

Still, it's hard to blame fans of that slack-jawed homonculus for being touchy. It's not like he isn't an easy target.

Pete

[BradleyGibson]

(reply now moved into the correct thread! Boy, am I a sycophant or what?)

Doug, I just read the article on your Keanu/Jesus feedback.

Firstly: it's a little scary that so much flame came your way!

I mean, I'm a Matrix fan, and I've been in some conversations where people express great emotion about the spiritual aspects of the movie.. but they always remind me of the kid in "This is Spinal Tap" who says "Metal's deep man, you can get stuff out of it." I can't explain how a fluffy movie with confused and contradictory philosophical window dressing can move people to consider (maybe for the first time?) their own spirituality? That's a sad thing.

Now, the response you wrote about all that feedback made me laugh so hard I thought I was gonna cough up blood.

Well done!

Hey Doug, you weren't by any chance in the Air Force living in Dayton Ohio in the early years of the 80s, were you? I knew a Doug Brunell back then...

B

[AmaiStina]

I read his review just now & it begins with promise, but doesnt stick the landing.


I found it to be an amusing read, but it seems more fitting for his own website (assuming he has one) where he gets to share his commentary on any number of things from downloading to lawn maintenance to whether or not Carrot Top got plastic surgery (im serious....theres something increasingly odd about his face).

[sirius]

I thought the Keanu article was really funny. I don't really understand why people get so upset. I'd take that as a good sign though. All the controversy can't hurt.

[Doug_Brunell]

As the author of the piece, I have to admit that this was some of the best hate mail I've received in a long time. People want to know why some folks got so upset -- easy -- they're idiots! Obviously it was sarcastic, but some people just don't get the joke. Now, just wait until the day comes when Mr. Gore decides to run my Spielberg piece.

[BobClark]

Is that the one where you say he's the Golem?

[Seedy Edgewick]

AmaiStina:

It's those EYEBROWS! They're freaky. Like, drag-queen freaky. But there's no way he's had surgery. Here's why:

(1) Why would anyone pay thousands of dollars to look like that?

(2) Suppose he's had surgery. The doctor must have botched it. Therfore, CT wouldn't need to do those 1-800 commercials because his settlement would allow him to retire.

(3) The man is actually pretty self-effacing. I saw him on Tough Crowd, in which Colin Quinn gave him a stand-up routine to read. After bungling the jokes over and over, he told the audience, "Now you know why I pull shit out of a box!"

Okay, that last point has nothing to do with his side-show appearance, but I thought it was pretty cool of him to say.

[Gabitsch]

I've been out of German class for a while, but I thought "schwarzen Egger" translated to "black farmer."

[automanic]

So, was all that hate mail from Keanu fans or from Jesus-freak zealots? Not that one would be more justified than the other, but those zealots sure get ruffled at even the slightest jab at their savior.

I thought the article was funny, and I liked both Matrix movies. If people don't like what they read, they can just go to another friggin' website. Welcome to America.

[Brad Slager]

Doug, although I agree that "Copland" is Stallone at his best, I have to disagree with one statement you made:

I realized that these crap piles of American cinema weren't really the Italian Stallion's fault....he was doing the best with what he got, and what he got were bad scripts

Check out this list of Sly's mess: Paradise Alley; Cobra; Over The Top; Driven; Cliffhanger; F.I.S.T.; First Blood and Rampbo and RamboIII; The Rocky Series.

[Brad Slager]

What I was getting at with the list is that those are all movies in which Stallone starred in and also wrote the screenplay. He was even the writer for "Rhinestone", and that has been declared a war crime in some counties.
I don't think he has anyone to blame but himself.

[Graham Rae]

I saw this vile trash tonight; my cousin downloaded it. Yeah, I watched it. But at least they didn't get my money for it.

Hafta agree with Doug Brunell when he said he would like to see the worthless sociopathic reptilian scum who made this video (okay, maybe that's my description) get beaten up if they ever tried to get some homeless person to fight by paying them again. They are not human beings, and lack sympathy, empathy, sanity and common human decency.

Pissing into a bottle then getting a homeless person to drink it, filming a person pulling out his own teeth, tying up sleeping-then-terrified homeless people in a 'hilarious' parody of Crocodile Hunter (one of the sickest things I have ever seen) ...worthless little rich kid bastards.

This was one of the sickest saddest maddest things I have ever seen. Don't believe the hype and see it. It's genuinely not worth it. And don't say I didn't warn you if you do.

[Gorillaboss]

Mr. Brunell:

I LOVED the most recent column. The incidents with both the dog and Hugo the Love Ogre were so zany, nutty, and all-around kooky that they could only happen in real life.

I would be happy to hear of your other randy escapades involving bath houses, massage parlors, interstate rest stops, and nursing homes.

Your Eternal Fan,

GB

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Hey Doug, that was a fucking awesome column! I needed a good laugh and even though it involved porno stores (not a bad thing) and porno restrooms, that worked beautifully.

It goes to show you why I visit the site often, besides writing for it. THIS is entertainment!

[VIRGOBLACK-]

AM NOT VERY GOOD AT WRITING OUT MY FEELINGS, BUT I WILL TRY ANYWAY. I LIKE TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS JUST SO YOU KNOW., I HAVE LOW VISION. OK, MR. DOUG I THINK THAT BECAUSE OF THE BILL AND TED MOVIES, MR. REEVES HAS BEEN UNFAIRLY LABLED AS A DUMB SURF TYPE GUY. HE IS NOT VERY SMART OF, COURSE HE HAS SAID IT HIMSELF. THE MOVIES THAT HE PLAYS IN ARE THE MOVIES THAT HE LIKES, HE DOES NOT PICK THEM FOR THE FANS OR THE CRITICS. HE IS DOING WHAT HE LOVES LIKE YOU. WHEN YOU WRITE YOU WRITE FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY. YOU DO NOT CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. AND SOME HATE YOU FOR IT RIGHT. THE SAME WITH MR. REEVES, PEOPLE HATE WHAT HE DOES WHICH IS ACTING. I DO NOT THINK THAT PEOPLE HATE HIS FILMS BUT HIM AS A WHOLE. I'VE HEARD SO MANY BAD THINKS ABOUT HIM THAT IT MAKES ME SICK!. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU HATE SOMEONE OR DISLIKE A PERSON YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW. YOU HATE MR. REEVES THE ACTOR. DO YOU HATE MR. REEVES THE PERSON TOO? I DO NOT THINK MANY PEOPLE CAN ANSWER THAT . PEOPLE LOOK AT HIM AND SAY HOW IN THE HELL DID A BUMB GUY LIKE THAT GET TO WHERE IS NOW. I DO NOT KNOW WHY IT IS GOOD MONEY AND BUSINESS TO SAY NASTY THINS ABOUT ANYONE AT ALL. I HAVE A SON AND I TEACH MY SON TO RESPECT ALL PEOPLE AND NOT TO JUDGE THEM UNTIL YOU KNOW THEM. I NEED FOR YOU TO DO THIS FOR ME IF YOU PLEASE, LIST REASONS WHY YOU DISLIKE MR. REEVES. HATE IS A STRONG WORD. I AM A YOUING BLACK WOMAN TRYING TO RAISE A SON IN A COUNTY WHERE HE WILL BE HATED FOR THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN BY BOTH BLACKS AND WHITES. I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIED OVER THE WORD HATE. AND KNOW ONE CAN GIVE ME A REASON WHY IT IS OK TO HATE PEOPLE BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT MOVIES THEY PLAY IN. I AM NOT UPSET BECAUSE YOU EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS, I AM UPSET BECAUSE YOU USED THE WORD HATE. BUT I READ THE ARTICLE ALL THE WAY TO THE END. I WAS HOPING YOU GAVE REASONS WHY. HATE IS A PART OF US. THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON IT. THIS WORLD IS FULL OF IT. IF YOU JUST STOP TO ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU HATE SO MUCH AND SO MANY PEOPLE. NOT JUST YOU BUT EVERYONE. ASK ME IF I HATE ANYONE. I WILL TELLYOU NO. BUT I WILL TELL YOU THAT I DISLIKE PEOPLE'S ACTIONS. LIKE LIEING AND STEALING, KILLING YOU KNOW ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF BUT IF A PERSON DOES THOSE THINGS I DO NOT HATE THEM I HATE WHAT THEY DID. IF YOU HATE MR. REEVES BRCAUSE HE IS A BAD ACTOR OK, BUT IF YOU HATE HIM TO JUST HATE HIM, THAN IT IS OK FOR ME TO HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE EVEN MY HUSBAND, WHO IS WHITE, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE WHITE AND THE THINGS THAT THEY HAVE DONE TO ME AND MY FAMILY. I AM LOSING SIGHT IN MY EYES, SO TYPING CAN BE VERY HARD FOR ME. THAT IS WHY I WRITE IN CAPS. AND MY SPELLING IS NOT GOOD NEITHER IS MAY GRAMMAR, SO IF YOU WANT TO MAKE FUN OF ME HERE ARE SOME TRUE FACTS ABOUT ME. I BELIEVE IF YOU ARE GOING TO BELITTLE SOMEONE THAN IT SHOULD BE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS TRUE. AND AM ALSO FAT YEAH A REAL PORKER. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH AMERICA HATES FAT PEOPLE.

[VIRGOBLACK-]

ACTING IS A PAST TIME. IT IS NOT A REAL JOB TO ME. NIETHER IS ANY KIND OF SPORT. IT IS OVERRATED AND PEOPLE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS GET PAID TO MUCH MONEY IF YOU ASK ME. SO IS GETTING PAID TO WRITE THINGS ABOUT THEM. WHO CARES WHAT YOU OR ANYONE THINKS. I WILL SEE FOR MYSELF. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE A MOVIE THAN THAT PERSON IS A BAD ACTOR OR THE MOVIE IS BAD. YEAH FOR YOU BUT NOT FOR EVERYONE. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BEING AN ACTOR. IF YOU ARE GOING TO TALK THE TALK THAN WALK THE WALK. I DO NOT SPEAK ON THINKS THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. AND SO SHOULD YOU. SHOW HOLLYWOOD HOW TO MAKE GOOD MOVIES, SHOW THEM WHAT A REAL ACTOR ACTS LIKE. ANYONE CAN BREAK DOWN A MOIVE OR A PERSON. BUT LET ME SEE YOU BUILD ONE. WHAT IS A MOVIE CRITIC ANYWAY. . AND YOU CANNOT SPEAK ON BLACK ACTORS ANY MORE. YOUR DREAM ABOUT INTERVIEWING CUBA GOODING JR. WAS NASTY. IF YOU KNOW ANYTING ABOUT BLACK ACTORS AND WHY THEY CHOOSE MOVIES THEY WAY THEY DO. YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER ASK WHAT CUBA'S PEERS THINK OF HIM OR HIS MOVIES.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Paragraphs are good.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Exactly. Paragraphs are what keeps civilization from going completely bonkers, though that hasn't helped lately.

[Ellen M.]

Whoa!
Lotta good responses to your piece Doug.
I don't want to debate the merits of Keanu's acting, or his looks, or sexual orientation... I'm just glad that the guy has been able to rise above some of his shitty movies (and the list is quite long), to be part of the "Matrix" phenomenon.
Let's get one thing clear though... he is NOT Jesus! He's an actor, paid to play a part, nothing more, so get a grip folks!

Ellen
:p

[Gabitsch]

This column was completely right on. It's a shame that some people need to have this shit spelled out for them. "Kill Bill" is rated R. It's for adults. Medved's problem with its violence and other "corrupt" elements is that ADULTS will see it and get "weird ideas."

Of course, none of this could affect Medved himself. Even though he's a film critic, which means he sees fantasy violence on a regular basis. No, he's more evolved than us reg'lar folks. This means he can practice witchcraft, read the Communist Manifesto, listen to Judas Priest backwards and watch "Kill Bill" all at once.

Dick.

This column rules. Send it to your pals.

[Spectaclegrinde]

In the 1950's, a book was published called "Seduction of the Innocent," by a self-appointed moral guardian named Wertham (ugh... something like that, sorry, folks, been a long day) about how comic books were corrupting kids. Soon, the curroptor of youth was rock'n'roll. Then it was, I dunno, role playing games (anyone else old enough to remember when Dungeons & Dragons was teaching satanism to the chess club?) movies, videogames...

Medved is next in a long and really silly line of cultural Chicken Littles whose entire career is based on telling people the sky is in a perpetual tailspin right for their little noggins. And, of-freakin'-course, there's a book he's pushing, or a political agenda and it all spells the same thing: Censorship.

Gabitsch is, of course right. "Kill Bill" is rated R. It's for grown ups. Medved and his self-righteous ilk are censors of the most insidious kind: the "for the childrennnnn!" cries to stop adults seeing a movie in case a sensitive "innocent" "Corruptable" child might somehow catch a glimps and be Ruined Forever has likely killed most intelligient, nuanced cinema from ever being created.

And some nitwit will always be the next. I should be used to this by now, and I'm still irritated by these self-serving, self-righteous and self-appointed guardians of culture.

I loathe them.

[Spectaclegrinde]

I mentioned "Intellegient, Nuanced cinema" in my previous post. As anyone who's seen the movie know, "Kill bill" isn't concerned with being smart or nuanced. (but I liked it, I'll admit). I'm just saying that it's meant for adults, who can decide for themselves what they want to see, and can handle shocking or voilent images when they see them.

Ugh. Brain fried. Sorry, everyone. Later.

[mruzick3]

Hey Doug, very funny stuff! It reminds me of the time when I saw 'Higher Learning' at a theater in Pasadena when in the middle of it there started a roar of hilarious commentary back at the screen every time Rappaport's character entered the scene. Don't ask me to quote, it was years ago. There was also a story my wife told me about when she went to see 'Waiting to Exhale' here in Birmingham, AL and hearing from the back "Oooo, she betta ash that fag!" as Angela Bassett's character sat holding her impossibly unashed cigarette as her cheating husband walked out the door.

Watching a movie in this way, after you have already seen it, is like seeing it again for the first time. Explains the whole 'Rocky Horror' thing and why Magic Johnson has made a small fortune on his theaters.

_____________________________________
Mike Ruzicka

[Elder666]

Film Threat is always an interesting and provocative page to peruse. I think your reviews are generally pretty thoughtful and well reasoned, even when I don't agree with them, and there is always a healthy dose of irreverent humor running through your articles that seems to make clear that you don't take yourselves too seriously.

This latest Excess Hollywood piece defending critics movies and calling the general public a bunch of morons is a bit shrill however. The best thing a critic can do is inspire someone to want to see a film that they think is worthy or even a work of art. The worst thing they can do is to expend all of their effort and energy denegrating things they hate. Who wants to read some snide, pithy putdown of the latest blockbuster? Wouldn't we better served if you put your talents to work championing some obscure gem you've discovered?

And by the way, before you start casting stones at the general public because of their taste in popcorn, you might want to look around at some of your peers. Like I said, Film Threat offers some pretty thoughtful reviews and discussions, but there are a lot of movie critics out there who don't know dick when it comes to film or art or much of anything else. Remember, a lot of film critics dismissed the Matrix films as so much 'gobbledegook' (sp?) simply because they couldn't be bothered to pay attention and figure out what was going on. Many others will simply parrot whatever anyone else says about a movie, basing their reviews on industry rumors or innuendo. There is also the shopworn nonsense of building actors up just so you can tear them down that ruins many a review.

My point is, you can't just blame the public or the money mad movie executives. I fully appreciate what a good critic can bring to the table and have discovered many wonderful films I might never have known about were it not for a critics recommendation. Still, I think this type of criticism is the exception and not the rule. If critics want respect and want to influence the drooling morons who apparently make up the masses, then they need to do a better job also. It's a team effort.

[Seedy Edgewick]

Thank you, Elder, for voicing an opinion I've long held.

I read many reviews of the Matrices that referred to the dialog as "gobbledygook." It blows me away that supposedly educated reviewers were so lost by the philosophical discussions peppered throughout the movies.

I've always believed that a screenwriter injects subtext into a film through dialog. The visual allegories are the responsibility of the director, who composes shots and determines pacing. The writer, however, has only words at his disposal. The great screenwriters are able to write convincing, realistic dialog that ALSO contains more abstract concepts. Lots of times, you can glean the theme of a film from a particular spoken line.

My favorite example of this is in The Exorcist III. George C. tells a fellow cop at the beginning of the movie that MacBeth is a play about "the numbing of the moral sense." And, as it turns out, so is the rest of the film.

I guess one of these "gobbledygook" reviewers would scratch his head at this line, thinking "What does Shakespeare have to do with Father Karras?"

When you review a film you should pay attention to EVERYTHING. If the dialog goes over your head, watch the fucking thing again before you blurt out some reactionary dribble. Knee-jerk reviews only serve to illustrate your own ignorance.

And no, I'm not directing these comments to anyone in particular, just those who don't pay attention in the theater.

[Seedy Edgewick]

I have only this to say about snuff films:

The closest I've seen or heard to a "legitimate" snuff film is the video of that Jewish reporter getting his head cut off by Islamic terrorists who used the footage in their recruitment video. Except, even THAT footage wasn't real. What is shown on the screen is a SECOND TAKE -- the man's head had already been severed, and the guy with the knife was basically pretending to cut it off.

So, even when it's "real" it's fake. Is there anything in this world that really real anymore?

Also, I saw a "best of" Faces of Death tape a while ago. It had an interview with the supposed creator of the series in which he says that, while "some" of the footage in the series shows re-creations, ALL of the events portrayed actually happened. The re-creations were based on actual stories. Thus, his claim of "reality" is supported (sort of). And there is real footage included in the series, just not very much.

[Philo Bedo]

Does the "...Happiness is a Warm Gun" sequence in Bowling For Columbine count?

[Seedy Edgewick]

That doesn't count, because the film was not made with the intent of portraying an actual death. A true snuff film is meant to be so from the outset. It mirrors a traditional production in all respects (actors, director, sets, etc.) except the death portrayed is completely factual.

The security camera footage cannot be a "snuff" film, because no one intended the cameras to record one's death, nor was the death staged for the camera. "Faces of Death" falls into the same category, because the real deaths it portrays were captured incidentally, and the deaths themselves were unplanned.

That's why I mentioned that terrorist video. Those guys (1) intended to kill that reporter, (2) filmed the man with the express intent of capturing his death on film, and (3) waited until they had the video camera before killing him. That's the closest I've seen to a bona fide snuff film.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by Seedy Edgewick
I have only this to say about snuff films:

The closest I've seen or heard to a "legitimate" snuff film is the video of that Jewish reporter getting his head cut off by Islamic terrorists who used the footage in their recruitment video. Except, even THAT footage wasn't real. What is shown on the screen is a SECOND TAKE -- the man's head had already been severed, and the guy with the knife was basically pretending to cut it off.

So, even when it's "real" it's fake. Is there anything in this world that really real anymore?

Snuff seems to be one of those sordid urban legends the validity of which is reinforced by the fact that it's rumoured existence is so widespread and refuses to go away.
There's a rather large criminal investigation underway in Vancouver, B.C. Canada right now involving a Coquitlam pig farmer and the disappearence of 60+ women from Vancouver's downtown eastside. So far he's been charged with 22 homicides based on forensic evidence from his farm. I mention this only because the rumour that has been going on around this fellow previous to the police even investigating him was that he was taking these women back to his farm to "star" in made to order snuff films.
Is there any validity to those rumours? Can't say. Unless something turns up in somebody's collection then we'll never know.

[The Baron]

Hasselhoff's Ass Pickles

Interesting. You know, this is the same technique that guys have used for years to get up the nerve to ask out a girl that they thought was out of their league. (Usually, the well-meaning and world-wise buddy will say something like, "Dude, just picture her takin' the smelliest dump ever. It's the great equalizer.")

How many of us are here because Dad pictured Mom the morning after chicken vindaloo?

And now, if any of us are at a party, and the question of "which celebrity can you picture on the can" comes up, it will no doubt a fellow Film Threat reader... Or perhaps, Doug B. himself!

Uh... You have talked to your therapist about this... right?

[Furious D]

Thanks for raising the level of cinematic discussion to new heights. You're like Pauline Kael taking a big, burning, Ring of Fire, water-level raising, eye-stinging, courtesy flush requiring, dump after a night of eating chile, curry, and drinking Prairie Fires.

I'm also pretty sure that Hasselhoff's biggest ass-pickle was BAYWATCH NIGHTS. ;)

[Philo Bedo]

Are "...Ass pickles..." Kosher?

Just curioius....

[Philo Bedo]

cause my spelling sure as hell ain't

[Graham Rae]

Hafta say that that article about defecation was one of the most juvenile, pointless loads of, well, crap that I have read in a long, long time. I don't have any coprophile fetish about stars. And never will have.

[tomreedtoon]

I understand when a writer gets stuck for inspiration. You grab at whatever thread wanders through your inspiration-starved mind. But still, this must have been a really desperate week.

While talking about Hasselhoff's mookie-sticks might be amusing, isn't it better to make the main focus of the article what a weird career he has? That he is a star in Germany, while he can't even get a bit part in a Disney TV special? This makes him the Jerry Lewis of bad action movies.

Or that William Daniels, an actor mostly known for playing a bastardly chief surgeon on "Saint Elsewhere," managed to upstage Hasselhoff on "Knight Rider" without even appearing on screen?

Or that, even in his two series (the other was some swimsuit thing I can't even remember) he never got a guest shot on other series? He never played the wandering stranger who spices up, say, "The Facts of Life" or "Dif'frent Strokes" with a sweeps-week walk-through.

After going through that, this "bottom-feeding" business may have some significance.

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Hasselhoff was robbed. The very night his big network music special was supposed to air in the States was the same day as O.J.'s run for the border.

Seems the Juice killed more than Nicole and Ron; he also offed Hasselhoff's career.

[tomreedtoon]

Pete Vonder Haar said:
Hasselhoff was robbed. The very night his big network music special was supposed to air in the States was the same day as O.J.'s run for the border.

Y'know, I always thought Simpson had one redeeming quality. Thanks for pinpointing it.

I have only known one other person who is unknown and unloved in this country, who is considered a musical genius in Germany. His name was Terry Brooks, a metal-trance-droning kind of rocker, whose band Strange apparently was well regarded in the former West Germany. (IF the clippings he showed around were honestly translated from the German.) The band's slogan, "Get some Strange," plus their song lyrics (four words only per song) pretty much kept them from being a metalhead hit in America.

However, I'd rather listen to one of their two-hour droning concerts than a one-hour Hasselhoff special.

[garbonzo]

I just read this article by Doug, and I cannot agree more, I see alot of films in the theatre and this one I saw and It kinda gave me the willy's. I could not put my finger on what was so bizarre about it until Dough wrote this article. Another movie that just came out that also gave me the creeps was the filmed called "Master and Commander", the film reminded also of nambla goes to sea. I just wanted to thank Doug for exposing some films that have a very sutle but hidden message. Love your Articles.

[mruzick3]

'Secondhand Lions'.....geeez! What in the hell was that movie all about anyway. Seemed weird to me also. I noticed that it didn't really leave a lasting impression with the press either.

How could anyone look at Haley Joel Osment after seeing him as a robot eating spinach and shorting out. 'A.I.' was creepy in the same way. It just felt like I had forced myself to watch a very twisted story. Thanks Doug, for putting a finger on it. I'll avoid that and any Osment movie like a tabloid with Michael Jackson on it.

________________________
Mike Ruzicka

[tomreedtoon]

Interesting idea, calling up talk show hosts who make stupid assumptions. Yes, you should call people on their stupid assumptions. The problem is, when you're dealing with the entertainment industry, the stupidity never stops.

What's worse, you have to use strategy, since a few of these shows actually have intelligent call screeners. And the fifteen second digital delays employed by these shows allow you to be cut off if you aren't very careful about what you say.

And even worse, most of the people who once seemed to possess liberal beliefs are now falling into what they percieve to be the better-paying choice of conservatism. Howard Stern and Dennis Miller are two prime examples.

However, if you wish to make a career of doing this - like Stern's old buddy Captain Janks, who Stern has disavowed and abandoned - more power to you.

[jmoronic]

I agree totally about Lynch's films. I mean I sit there and don't totally understand them, but why should I?

And I get the feeling that I don't hate his films because of this. I mean, I watched Eraserhead and thought WTF, but didn't hate it.

I would love him to stay as he is. A story teller who doesn't see life as something that can be explained easily. And the perfect example of this is that he didn't do a commentary on the Mullholland Drive DVD. He wants you to make up your own damn mind. If he ever tried to explain his films, he would definitely lose that mystique, and I for one wouldn't want that.

Plus he has some hot women in his films... and he gets them to go nude for the sake of their art... but my mind wanders

...jmoronic

[The Baron]

From BBC Online:

"Baywatch star David Hasselhoff is griping that his role in reuniting East and West Germany has been overlooked. So what part, if any, did the hunk in trunks play in ending the Cold War?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3465301.stm

Yep. It was all Hasselhoff's doing. He reunified Germany... with song!

"Speaking to Germany's TV Spielfilm magazine, the 51-year-old carped about how his pivotal role in harmonising relations between the two sides of the divide had been overlooked.

"I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie," he told the magazine. "


Think we know who's going to be on The Surreal World next season.
:confused:

[Furious D]

Originally posted by The Baron
From BBC Online:

"I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie," he told the magazine. "
Think we know who's going to be on The Surreal World next season.
:confused:

The reason they're not honouring Herr Hasselhoff in Germany is because of BAYWATCH NIGHTS. That and the fact that just about everybody can now picture him giving birth to baby dragons thanks to Excess Hollywood.

[fasteddie]

YES! preacher will hopefully be a mindblowing adventure. it is hard to fathom what will get put into the movie and what wont (yeah im sure theres a script floating around the net somewhere). but DAMN....the story is so big with so many colorful characters. it truly needs a four hour treatment...i doubt folks will be lining up to see it tho. marsden as the lead? cmon, after seeing his bit roles in xmen im not even sure he can act yet. hopefully there will be some great actors as villians. i can also see hugo weaving playing herr starr as well but i think u nailed it with defoe. so HEY cant wait.

[tomreedtoon]

First, "The Passion of The Christ" contains a cultural reference. Right after the 1960's "Batman" TV series, the comic book fans who hated that campy thing started calling the character "THE Batman." It was a Trekker/Trekkie kind of thing, showing they were the "true" fans of the character.

Which means that "The Christ" is supposed to put Gibson above any believer in just plain old Christ.

Second, the reports I've read say the film is violence porn. In which case, it shouldn't be "The Watchtower" that is reviewing the film. It should be "GoreZone." They should have the little proto-Columbine geeks who run that mag going to Gibson to ask about his formulas for fake blood, how they construct the severed body parts, how did they make it look like the spear really stabbed the guts out of Jesus, and the like.

Third, I'm thinking this film will have a terrific first weekend box office, which will drop to nearly nothing the following week, when word-of-mouth kills it.

Finally, I wish that "Zontar" Magazine was still around. That little fan publication put out a videotape (which I highly prize) called "Perverse Preachers, Fascist Fundamentalists and Kristian Kiddie Kooks." The hype surrounding this film would enable the Zontar folks to put out a sequel. Call it "The Passion of The Murtog."

[Seedy Edgewick]

Is GoreZone still around? I thought that mag only lasted a few years. Being an avid Fangoria reader, I haven't seen any ads for their former sister publication for many, many moons.

[wanderingsoles]

First off... I DON'T believe in God... I actually think it's a pretty silly concept... I was raised a Catholic but it never took...

I am going to see "The Passion..." today because it looks like a really well made piece of fiction. Saying that it doesn't look any different than any other Jesus-Flick doesn't seem right. This film, from the previews, seem far more realistic. The cinematography looks awesome... and I love that they speak aramaic in it... I hate hearing the wrong accent in period pieces... I remember when I saw Marty's "Temptation...", I had leaned over to get a handful of popcorn when I heard it... I looked up and sure enough there was David Bowie... LAME... doing it in another language helps to keep the setting...

As to why Gibson made this film... I don't think it is about hating jews or anything of the sort... the story has always had good and bad jews... and mostly bad Romans... From what I've heard, Gibson doesn't think people understand what Jesus went through for us... so he wanted to show the worst kind of suffering and make the audience feel it... again, a nice piece of fiction. I'll let you know what I think of it as a film.

[tomreedtoon]

Originally posted by Seedy Edgewick
Is GoreZone still around? I thought that mag only lasted a few years. Being an avid Fangoria reader, I haven't seen any ads for their former sister publication for many, many moons.

Fangoria, GoreZone, Guns and Ammo, Klansman Monthly...the names always change but the content and readers remain the same.

Anyway, I think that Gibson saw a wave of Christian fundamentalism taking over the US - not just the government part, but the mass of people - and wanted to surf on it. And the reaction to Janet Jackson's boob - causing every radio and TV station to get very, very nervous about content - is probably buoying him up.

The trick is, that fundamentalism is coming only from Ashcroft and FCC commissioner Michael Powell. (Colin's son...would it be possible to say he's a product of a Colin?) If, God willing, we kick the current administration out in 2004, this paranoia should ease off a little.

If, of course, Bush steals the election again, you will probably see Gibson appointed to Kommissioner of Kristian Kulture.

[wanderingsoles]

Why does everyone always think that these things are a part of some conspiracy? Gibson believe is God and Christ... he wants to express his beliefs on film... face it, he is a good filmmaker... it's that simple... he believes Christ suffered and died for us... so he's going to show it in a very authentic-type of way. As I said above... looks like good fiction... well shot... well performed... and by all means well directed... does that make it true... this isn't a doc., it's a work of fiction... at least to those of us who think the whole religious / god thing is a bit of a farce.

[tomreedtoon]

Originally posted by wanderingsoles
Why does everyone always think that these things are a part of some conspiracy? Gibson believe is God and Christ... he wants to express his beliefs on film... face it, he is a good filmmaker... it's that simple...
We think everything is a conspiracy because everything IS a conspiracy.

Or did you think that two dummies - a pseudo-Texan AWOL flyboy and an Austrian bodybuilder who did porn films - wound up in political office because they deserved to? If so, I have a basket from the Easter Bunny for you.

As far as "Good filmmaker..." did you want the collection of Mel Gibson movies like "Bird on a Wire" and "Conspiracy Theory" (how appropriate) to be sent to you? Unfortunately, UPS won't accept packages containing toxic substances.

I do happen to know many very devout Christians, who believe in worshipping their conception of God privately and quietly. They don't get into political arguments or religious arguments. They hope to spread their faith by their personal lives, not by grandstanding.

Unfortunately, that isn't good enough for the folks on the religious right. The fact that they're lining up behind this film - before seeing what they're supporting, which some preview audiences have called violence pornography - indicates they're more interested in showbiz than sacredness. And it's getting a lot of support from the extreme right, who've found a brand new reason to hate Jews.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
And it's getting a lot of support from the extreme right, who've found a brand new reason to hate Jews.

Actually, the American Religious Right has traditionally been the biggest supporter of Israel and Jewish issues in the USA. I'm not talking Neo-Nazis, they've got their own religion going, I'm talking about the folks who are coming out in support of The Passion.

Their reason for supporting Israel is based on their belief that helping the Jews against their enemies will somehow bring about the Rapture and the End of the World.

I haven't seen the movie, and I don't know Mel. So I won't pass judgement on them. He could be a wingnut, I don't know, I missed the Diane Sawyer interview.

As for BIRD ON A WIRE & CONSPIRACY THEORY, Mel didn't make those films. He was just an actor getting paid oodles of cash to be in them. The films he actually made himself were MAN WITHOUT A FACE and BRAVEHEART.

I haven't seen Man Without a Face, and I thought Braveheart was good, but not great, so that's why I'm not as excited as others about The Passion.

[wanderingsoles]

Still haven't seen the film yet... we went but it was sold out... full of 40-60 yr olds... wow...

as for Tom's response, with that attitude you couldn't make a film about anything. As far as I know, all Gibson did was make the film... he didn't start any arguments... political or religious... and only started talking once he was attacked by ignorant jackoffs.

By the way... Gibson didn't make Bird on a Wire or Conspiracy Theory... he only acted in it... he's made several films... all have been good... "The Man Without a Face" was a solid coming of age story... "Braveheart" was a damn fine film, one of the best of the 90's... and this one.

If you are a true film lover, you should see a film before bashing it... you are as bad as the lame protesters who gave Scorcese flack for "The Last Temptation of Christ"... Funny how that works... LAME!

[El Duderino Diablo]

So... Whats up... with all the... ellipsis... ? :p

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Must...be...Harry...Knowles.

[Magneticleather]

Yes this movie looks incredably realistic. That's why all the people from the Middle East are white. That's where white people come from right?

Maybe it's just me but I would like to see a Jesus movie that presents some ACTUAL controversy. Not the same story most of us grew up with and not supporting ideas the majority has. (How many times have we heard that the Jews killed Jesus, not withstanding the fact that Jesus WAS a Jew).

I do believe that Jesus exsisted...Whether or not he was a prophet or the son of god or some guy with a lot of crazy ideas about loving your brother is yet to be seen.

[judex]

It's only a movie. I don't remember hearing about such a hub-bub when "The Greatest Story Ever Told" came out. Or Pasolini's "The Gospel According to St. Matthew" for that matter. Now there was a controversial Christ.

[tomreedtoon]

Judex said:
It's only a movie. I don't remember hearing about such a hub-bub when "The Greatest Story Ever Told" came out. Or Pasolini's "The Gospel According to St. Matthew" for that matter. Now there was a controversial Christ.
You must have missed "The Last Temptation of Christ." The one which video stores refused to stock, where stores who DID stock it got their tapes and DVD's destroyed by rampaging right-wing Christians.

And in an environment where they're throwing Jews like Howard Stern off the air...where a right-wing President wants to send all gays to concentration camps for the sin of wanting to be married...putting out this film is an act of politics, not religion.

Incidentally, when parents find out their churches paid for tickets for the kids to see a two-hour sadomasochistic festival, will they see their churches in a favorable light? My fear is that they will, at least down here in the Bible Belt.

[judex]

Re: You must have missed "The Last Temptation of Christ." The one which video stores refused to stock, where stores who DID stock it got their tapes and DVD's destroyed by rampaging right-wing Christians.

I remember "The Last Temptation of Christ." The furor over that movie was just as idiotic as the furor over "The Passion of Christ."

Just because deluded right-wingers do something, doesn't make it correct when left-wingers do it.

Tying this movie into Bush's position on gay marriage is a post hoc ergo proctor hoc argumentative fallicy (to quote my old Philosophy 101 prof). One doesn't have anything to do with other.

It is simply Mel Gibson's take on the gospels. If you don't like it, don't go see it. I doubt this movie is going to spell doomsday for the world.

And even if it was a political statement, doesn't Mel have the right to use his own money to make such a statement?

I don't see anybody bitching about Oliver Stone making political statements. It is our right as Americans to make such statements. And, after all is said, it is still only a movie.

Plus, all this press is going to make it a box office hit, when it probably would have died after a week if the offended would have ignored it.

[GiGi]

Ahhhhhhhh, so HERE is the "Passion" thread! ;)

[judex]

Originally posted by GiGi
Ahhhhhhhh, so HERE is the "Passion" thread! ;)

Yup. And we're getting madder by the minute.

[Prick]

I don't know what all the hype is about. "...And God Spoke" was better.

[Seedy Edgewick]

The "furor" over Last Temptation revolved around how Jesus was portrayed. The film depicted him as a flawed, very human character who constantly struggled with a destiny that he didn't really want in the first place. It ran counter to the traditional view of Jesus being a divine being who knew from birth exactly why he was here.

[tomreedtoon]

...since there are so many "connected" people who were offended that I wrote something real and not juvenile. However, until the people with the pachouli-oil-scented burning crosses come my way, here it is...

These dance films are no worse than "Rock, Pretty Baby!" or the other teen films of the 1950's. At the best, they capture whatever dance is popular at the moment. It doesn't matter that this form of dance will be passe by next Thursday, it exists. And it won't get documented on "Soul Train" - those tapes get erased every week.

Dance films have another benefit; if there are any dance/rap performers who have anything close to a personality or talent, appearing in such a film can give them a launch pad to a career beyond their single hit song. Do you think anyone's going to seek out talent in the rap community?

They didn't for Will Smith, who got his part on the "Fresh Prince" TV show almost by accident. Without that, as Robert Townsend might gleefully note, the only acting role Smith would get is Thug #2 on a cop show.

Finally, not every teen out there is an angst-ridden goth with black hair dye, writing despairing poems in between preparing pipe bombs for his high school. I know that trashes the premise for a lot of indie films, but sometimes teenagers are just people. They dance, they date, they have sex (except for the future film majors) and their lives are generally positive. And (shock!) that even goes for black teens. Why not have an occasional reminder of that?

[Jeremy Knox]

The thing is that it's not just about dance films. This goes beyond the teen genre even though it has it's roots there.

The problem is that studios don't care if you like the movie or not as long as you pay to go see it and people are dumb (or bored) enough to pay to go see it.

The only thing I can imagine breaking the stranglehold of bad movies at the moment is another Roger Corman. A little indie studio that can screw the big ones out of profits by releasing a fairly good (if a little cheap) movie at the same time that crap like You Got Served is released. Since theres no competition and since people will watch almost anything there's a fair chance of the movie making money. To sweeten the deal the indie studio could let the theatres keep 100% of the ticket sales. Basically charging them only for film rental. The theatrical release would act like an ad for the video release :D Then, a month later you'd release it on video and since it would (probably) have made quite a few bucks, the video stores would stock it up. Money talks.

I do take heart though in the fact that no one ever watched The Real Cancun. Remember that film? All the producer were nearly cumming with excitment "We're gonna be rich!!!" they were all saying. Some of em even bought houses and boats with money that they were expecting to make hehehe. Oh man, sometimes there is justice in this world.

JK13

[tomreedtoon]

Originally posted by Jeremy Knox

The only thing I can imagine breaking the stranglehold of bad movies at the moment is another Roger Corman. A little indie studio that can screw the big ones out of profits by releasing a fairly good (if a little cheap) movie at the same time that crap like You Got Served is released.

JK13

Unfortunately, that won't do it. Remember that Corman worked for AIP, which was a small studio at a time when small studios were allowed to exist. The media conglomerates would just swallow your "another Roger Corman" and force him to make movies their way.

The only thing that will change the business is to break up the media monopolies. That will take a strong elected (not selected) President and Congress to do the job.

Unfortunately, for that to happen, it would require people to vote. And people (especially people on the arts scene) claim that "voting just encourages them." It does. It encourages the dictators and the conglomerates. It discourages the people who want honest, good change.

And it would require the non-voters to believe that they have some connection with the suffering people of this country, and they're too noble and too conceited for that. Especially people on the arts scene.

'Scuse me if I sound bitter, but I've seen too many so-called "sophisticates" believe that they are too good to do anything for the unwashed masses. They expect to be treated with greater respect than Joe Sixpack, but they, too, stay home and get drunk instead of voting on Election Day.

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Getting drunk and voting on Election Day aren't mutually exclusive.

Just sayin'...

[tomreedtoon]

...however, in the old days people were bought drinks so they'd vote for a candidate. These days, they drink after they realize who they voted for.

Or, in the case of Florida, who they weren't given a chance to vote for.

Don't forget, if your voting machine was made by Diebold, it doesn't matter what lever you pull, you voted for the BFEE.

Anyway, to answer Jeremy Knox's comment, I think it was more than luck that "The Real Cancun" didn't sell. It was a bad deal; pay to see an episode of "The Real World" just so you can see a few more inches of female flesh than TV allows. Even in the post-Janet Jackson world, that's a lousy bargain. And even the 'tards who drool over nipple shots knew it.

A lot of the dance films, or the crummier exploitation films, usually thrive only by default. You want to go on a date with your girl, she's not going to want to see Freddy Krueger raping a dead girl or Sly Stallone killing innocents (or is that the other way around?) If you can't take a girl to something inspirational, something dumb but pleasant is a rational choice.

(Personal confession time: the last girl I dated, I took her to see "Looking for Mr. Goodbar." And she was a teacher, like the woman in the film. The relationship ended up bad. Yes, that was a long time ago, and that was the last date I ever had. I didn't make a rational choice.)

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
she's not going to want to see Freddy Krueger raping a dead girl

I'm not a big fan of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise so I'm wondering if you could clarify exactly which movie that event took place in.

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
or Sly Stallone killing innocents

I wasn't aware Sly had killed anyone. I'd heard about the boob job incident with one of his girlfriends where she went under for an altogether unrelated procedure and he allegedly paid off the surgeon to enhance her chest a little. But killing innocents? No.
Now, Ted "Chappaquiddick" Kennedy, on the other hand...

[tomreedtoon]

Like I said in the post, I wasn't sure if it was Freddy Krueger or Stallone who was raping dead girls. Those movies are all a blur to me, especially since the two leads are interchangeable.

And if you don't think Stallone killed anyone, you must have mistaken his "Rambo" cartoon series for the movies it was based on. Hint: if the Stallone production you were watching had commercials for Trix and Lucky Charms, and nobody died a grisly death, and it was followed by "Transformers," you were watching a cartoon.

(P.S. I don't mind the Ted Kennedy crack, as long as you don't mind my cracks about Bush forcing a former girlfriend to have an abortion, or his AWOL status in the Champagne Squadron. You wanna play Republican Cheap Shot, I can return fire.)

[El Duderino Diablo]

I'm Canadian so go ahead and say what you want about Bush, it means nought to me.
Now let me get this straight, you are in fact asserting that the "actor" (and here I use that term loosely) Sylvester Stalone has killed people?

[judex]

Dude,

I think he means only in the movies, not real life.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
Like I said in the post, I wasn't sure if it was Freddy Krueger or Stallone who was raping dead girls. Those movies are all a blur to me, especially since the two leads are interchangeable.

I'm starting worry about ya, kiddo. You can't tell the difference between a 200+ pound Italian-American actor with a distinctive and easily imitatible voice and a skinny WASP actor covered in latex? :confused:

Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund can at least speak in coherent sentences.;)

I suggest a visit to Lenscrafters for a new prescription and then a trip to the ear specialist to get a hearing aid. Then later, when we've put away our pachouli-oil scented crosses? for the day I'll explain to you the difference between Ernest Borgnine and Sandra Bullock.:rolleyes:

Just keepin it real!

[Pete Vonder Haar]

A lot of the dance films, or the crummier exploitation films, usually thrive only by default. You want to go on a date with your girl, she's not going to want to see Freddy Krueger raping a dead girl or Sly Stallone killing innocents (or is that the other way around?) If you can't take a girl to something inspirational, something dumb but pleasant is a rational choice.

Says you. While I defy you to name a movie with Freddie Krueger or Stallone "raping a dead girl" in it, I also know plenty of women who wouldn't have a problem with attending a "Nightmare on Elm Street" double feature, or a showing of "Rambo," provided we could sneak some beer in.

And who wants "inspirational" anyway? Is Maude Flanders back from the dead?

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Pete Vonder Haar
And who wants "inspirational" anyway? Is Maude Flanders back from the dead?

Maybe what he means by inspirational is something that would inspire the date to give you a little action... nudge, nudge, wink, wink... say no more.... ;)

Either that, or he really thinks the sun, moon and stars really do shine out of Michael Eisner's back passage.:rolleyes:

Damn! I spilled my pachouli oil!

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Somehow, I don't think that's what he meant.

I like inspirational movies as well, though I consider films like "Kill and Kill Again" or "The Gauntlet" to be "inspirational," so perhaps I should be excluded from the sample set in question.

[Gorillaboss]

This week's South Park said all that can ever be said about You Got Served and its ilk.

The first 10 minutes of this episode, involving a breakdance-off between Stan and his chums against some street-savvy hoodrats was sublime...absolutely brilliantly sublime.

I actually rewound that episode several times in for back-to-back viewings--yep, it was that good.

And remember...if you serve someone who's served you, then IT'S ON!!!

[Philo Bedo]

(P.S. I don't mind the Ted Kennedy crack, as long as you don't mind my cracks about Bush forcing a former girlfriend to have an abortion, or his AWOL status in the Champagne Squadron. You wanna play Republican Cheap Shot, I can return fire.)

Christ, Now I remember why I left the Democratic party :o

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. :D

I'm late for class. Now, where did I leave my blasting caps and SKS ;)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Philo Bedo
I'm late for class. Now, where did I leave my blasting caps and SKS ;)

Check behind the stack of Lyndon Larouche pamphlets.;)

[Jeremy Knox]

Hehehe...

I absolutely agree with Doug, although I have fond memories of Murphy making me laugh. I was one of those people that really liked him.

However, I'm not so sure that today Murphy would be considered a star. Technically speaking he only had 3 real theatrical hits: 48 Hours, Trading Places and Beverly Hills Cop. After that it was Coming to America and lukewarm sequels to Hours and Cop.

Name one other thing he did? Delirious and Raw don't count. Those would be HBO specials now. In fact, I think Delirious WAS an HBO special.

Distinguished Gentleman and the Nutty Professor films saved his hide. Raunchy Eddie became Kid-Friendly Eddie? I could make a case that Raunchy Eddie's act was thin indeed.

In a way he's like Stallone. Lots of fame due to a very meager film output. Stallone made a few good films, moreso than Murphy, but like Murphy he's famous for one or two. Rambo and Rocky and that's it. Everything else is a countrywide delusion because if you go look at his Imdb bio, there's nothing there.

Murphy rode high on fame because he was famous SNL and the Delirious tape introduced him to everyone. Remember, back when Delirious was released the average video store had like 300 tapes. So the fact that people remembered him from SNL and saw his face on a VHS box meant an almost assured rental. That's how he got so famous. In these days of 30 copies of The Matrix and an overload of crap at the store, he'd never have made it. Or at least, not to the extent that he made it.

To me a real 80's star is someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Just look at his popular output: Two Conan films, Terminator 1 and 2, Red Heat, Total Recall, Predator, Kindergarden Cop, Twins, True Lies... you don't even have to make an effort to find 5 or 6 hit movies from this guy that people still rent today. Name 6 hit films that Murphy did. Maybe they made money, but they sure as hell aint on any fan's lists.

Doug's right. I loved Murphy, but he just rode on smoke and mirrors fame.

JK13

[Rory L. Aronsky]

I had similar experiences with inflight movies. Last April, when my parents, little sister, and I headed out to Los Angeles on an American Airlines flight, they showed "Brown Sugar". I paid as much attention to it as I could, ignoring it occasionally to focus my attention on the word search puzzle book that I had brought with me. However, even with not staring at the overhead monitor for moments at a time, it still felt like the movie would not end.

On the flight back, I had the great, wonderful fortune of seeing "I Spy". Seriously, I wanted so badly to jump out of the 757 we were flying in. I may not have had a parachute, but speeding downward toward my death would at least have been a bit better, with the scenery a little more artistic than the mugs of Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson, and the direction by Betty Thomas that seemed to dictate that an explosion must happen every 10 minutes. I was jealous of my sister and mother, who fell asleep after breakfast had been served. And to make matters worse, breakfast was no stomach-pleaser either. Soggy french toast, made that way because of the syrup on there, though I suspect it wouldn't have been much better without the syrup.

After the movie ended right about the time I was ready to stab my blue pen into my jugular vein, I got up and waited in line to use the storage closet, I mean toilet-and-sink combo. While waiting, I watched the credits fade in and out, revealing more and more untalented people who wasted so much time on this. I expected "Betty Thomas" to appear in the credits list sometime soon, but as it turned out, she had taken her name off the airline version, replacing it with "Ariana" something. I forgot the last name. She has the gall to disown the airline version? Why not disown the regular version too? Heck, deny the fact that you even attempted to break through the now unfunny ice that is Eddie Murphy. Don't bother to talk about using the old comic standby: The black guy/white guy comedy team. Try your best to completely erase that film from your filmography! But you know what the ultimate irony is, Doug?:




Betty Thomas also directed "The Brady Bunch Movie"

[The Baron]

Right on, Doug!

When I was a kid, my parents never schlepped me to see sappy crap. We saw everything from Sampson and the Slave Girls to 2001. (We did go to some Disney films, like the re-releases of Fantasia, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, but it was always made very clear to me that they were only movies. And besides that, Maleficent kicks ass as a villain!)

I remember dragging my mother to take me to see A Hard Days Night and Help, and later on, The Godfather and The Exorcist.

I'm glad to hear that your daughter will grow up knowing that the good guys don't always win, that pretty does not equal good, and that movies are about entertaining us. "Moral" lessons need to be taught by parents, not Hollywood. And if nothing else, she will learn how to discern quality from crap, and make her own decisions on what good or bad taste may be.

Mr. Brunell, I salute you.

[AmaiStina]

from your thoughts on kids films, specifically Disney films, i gather that youre referring to the Disney animated features from the Reagan administration on....

early Disney cartoons, Snow White, Pinochio (sp) Bambi, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty werent marketed specifically towards children.

one of my favorite Disney animated films is The Black Cauldron, based on Lloyd Alexander. it was spooky.

[Seedy Edgewick]

Doug Brunell, Fuckwith Extraordinaire!

Some people just beg for it, don't they?

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Doug Brunell: The Ultimate in Bullshit Detection Hardware!

Thanks for another great column!

[The Baron]

C'mon... Everybody knows that Hollywood is run by a Gay Zionist Conspiracy! (Crap. I can barely write this with a straight face.) Just look at the other homoerotic epics that have been released: Gladiator, Master and Commander, (hmm... thats TWO with Russell Crowe... Coincidence?) And most recently, Troy, in which reviewers continually point out the abundance of shots of Brad Pitt's bare keester.

The truth is OUT there.

Thanks again, Doug. I always look forward to your coulmn.

[Ellen M.]

Originally posted by The Baron
C'mon... Everybody knows that Hollywood is run by a Gay Zionist Conspiracy! (Crap. I can barely write this with a straight face.) Just look at the other homoerotic epics that have been released: Gladiator, Master and Commander, (hmm... thats TWO with Russell Crowe... Coincidence?) And most recently, Troy, in which reviewers continually point out the abundance of shots of Brad Pitt's bare keester.

HEY!... Gay Zionist Conspiracy... dammit, our secret's out!...Somebody talked!

And you forgot to mention the ultimate homo-erotic epic, "Spartacus"... that bathing scene with Tony Curtis & all that "snail" & "oyster" talk... eeek!

And by the way, who's Doug Brunnell?
Ellen ;)

[Furious D]

What about TOP GUN?

I had a teacher in Film School who did a lecture about it's obvious homoerotic symbolism.

[Jeremy Knox]

I remember one of my cousins telling me he'd been traumatized by Kill Bill. I noticed that he'd never had this reaction before to movies with male to female violence, even extreme stuff.

It's a disturbing idea to be sure, but some people really do fear women so much that even fictional ass kicking females make them have nightmares.

JK13

[Jeremy Knox]

http://www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=1091

I've worked in a video store Doug, the kind of people who expect movies to be "the same" just because critics liked it is astounding.

After a lonnnnnnnnng time I've come to these conclusions about them:

#1: They think EVERYONE likes the same movies they like
For example. If they think that Pulp Fiction sucks because it's too violent, it's a "bad" movie. If critics said it was good, then they were mistaken. Because how could anyone like bad films? Do you see the intellectual vacuum surrounding these people?

#2: They think there are only "Good" or "Bad" movies and they think that everyone must understand what these are.
I've had THOUSANDS of people walk in the store and ask "Do you have any good movies?" Guess what happened when I'd reccomend a movie they didn't like? You got it. They'd accuse me of LYING to them. Can you even conceive of the tunnel vision and narcissism these people possess?

#3: They like two or three types of movies, tops!
Types, not genres. For example, they'll like a romantic comedy where two people from opposite sides of the tracks meet, but they won't like a romantic comedy where the guy reminisces about past loves. To you and me this is a subtle difference at best. To them it's a whole different kind of movie.

Scary innit? I think this also explains a lot of the world. These people literally think that there can be no other opinion than their own.

JK13

[tomreedtoon]

Is it the movies he's nostalgic for, or the hookers, druggies and psychos?

Or for the phony belief that he was discovering amazing, undiscovered movies because they were being shown in crappy and potentially deadly surrroundings?

If he's complaining about the corporate takeover of American media, and its subsequent Disneyfication, there are better victims to speak about than toxic waste dumps where a trip to the bathroom was a suicidal gesture.

Another example of what Tom Wolfe called "nostalgia for the mud," which Wolfe said in French, which itself was a pretentious thing to do.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Danger! Danger! Will Robinson! Don't leave the the safety of the sack of amniotic fluid, ever!

[Seedy Edgewick]

Tom, you just don't get it.

It's the extreme that's appealing. The wider the pendulum swings, the faster it goes and the greater the thrill.

We are social animals. Watching some greasy flick in a dark living room is completely different than watching it in a theater with like-minded people, just by the fact that they AND YOU are both there.

I always think of Harlan Ellison's "The Three Most Important Things in Life" when I think about the grindhouses. The way he and a buddy would spend 48 straight hours watching movies on 42nd street, eating and sleeping in the theaters.

Doug is not yearning for cum-stained seats and foul urine smell penetrating his nostrils. He's lamenting the uniform beige our theaters have become.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
potentially deadly surrroundings?


:confused:
What doesn't constitute potentially deadly surroundings?

[judex]

Two good books detail the 42nd street theater experience:

The Ghastly One: The Sex-Gore Netherworld of Andy Milligan by Jimmy McDonough.

Sleazoid Express by Bill Landis and Michelle Clifford.

[The Baron]

Originally posted by The Dude
:confused:
What doesn't constitute potentially deadly surroundings?

As the saying goes, "Everyone has to die, but not everyone truly lives."

Life's way too short to live within the confines of a safe little fantasy. Give me the grit, the sleaze... the real world. Give me grindhouses and dens of iniquity! Fuck this "Chairman Mao" uniform theatre, Disney-fied bullshit!

And to answer your question, Dude, the one place that I have felt completely safe, whether at 3:00 in the afternoon, or 3:00 in the morning: Amsterdam's Red Light District. Something about large groups of people having just gotten laid doesn't lend itself to feelings of violence. ;)

[El Duderino Diablo]

Oh sure, but you could still slip on a carelessly disposed of condom and incure a severe head injury which could result in a subdural hematoma which could lead to DEATH!
Danger lies in wait at every twist and turn!

[The Baron]

You make a strong point. Heaven knows, if you're having a coughing fit from that last hit on a joint, you could split the lining of your throat, and drown in your own blood.

[tomreedtoon]

Seedy, I suppose you weren't beaten enough by the school punks when you were a kid. I guess I must have received your beatings for you, and the beatings intended for most of the other posters here. Thanks for the education, guys...I wonder if you'll survive without them.

Here's a concept from the guy who learned your life lessons in your stead (which doesn't please me a lot) - PAIN HURTS.

Not only is going to scumbag theatres an awful experience, not only is it a pretense to danger that can rapidly turn into real danger, but even if everything goes well and you live through it without catching AIDS or losing a limb, what is the essence of this activity? You, o well-off person, are just finding a new way to exploit the poor and ruined.

"Look at how daring I am! A person died in the theatre seat next to me! No, it didn't bother me at all, and I was certainly courteous; I only took one of the shoes off her body as I left. Doesn't match my Reeboks, but I'll add it to my sculpture of found items. Pass the Chablis."

As for the "beige culture," that's why this web site is so interesting; people are out there making alternatives. Going to see a movie in America's Beirut isn't a requirement for that. In fact, by avoiding theatres completely and getting them on video, you get to see the works of people who can't even make it over that fianancial hurdle. (And it's not like anyone who posts here has left their parents' basement in years anyway.)

[Ellen M.]

Originally posted by The Baron
And to answer your question, Dude, the one place that I have felt completely safe, whether at 3:00 in the afternoon, or 3:00 in the morning: Amsterdam's Red Light District. Something about large groups of people having just gotten laid doesn't lend itself to feelings of violence. ;)

Well, the folks in Amsterdam either just got laid, or they're high on spacecakes, so they're feelin' goooooooood! If everyone else could just follow suit & stop being so freakin' hateful, the world would be a much happier place, don't you think, Tom?!

Ellen :)

[pinktaco]

Yeah hash and hooks for us all!

[Seedy Edgewick]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
Seedy, I suppose you weren't beaten enough by the school punks when you were a kid.

First off, assume nothing about me. I was the class freak/scapegoat/whipping boy until I turned 18. Don't even start with me about being beaten up by the meathead jocks in school.

Second, given the choice, I would invariably choose the beatings over an insulated, "bubble-boy" life. Yes, pain hurts. In fact, the tattoo on my left shoulder reads "Freedom Hurts," because it does. So did that tattoo.

Pain is a part of life. A big part. Without pain, there is no pleasure. Avoiding pain is also avoiding pleasure. Without pain, one remains soft, pale, and vulnerable. Pain produces callouses, both physical and emotional.

No, I'm not a masochist. Far from it. But, I would rather have the pain and its accompanying pleasure than nothing at all.

Carl Jung refers to "the shadow," the darkest part of human nature. To deny the shadow is to deny ourselves. Sometimes the shadow must be served. Sometimes a film must be experienced in a theater, especially a grimy, sleazy, slightly dangerous place.

I've known people like those you assume I am: detached, pseudo-intellectual types who see human suffering from behind the glass and convince themselves there's something "artistic" about it. I am not one of those types. I've had my face shoved in shit more times than I care to count. But, as Nietszche said, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." I am a much stronger person now than I was back in school. No one fucks with me and gets off scott-free.

Finally, even though there are lots of people making flicks on video, there is STILL nothing that compares to seeing a flick in a theater. These days, most theaters are exactly the same. The experience has become commodified. The grindhouse was (unintentionally) an antidote to that generic, corporate whitewash. No, the experience is not for everyone, but for those to whom it appeals, it is a time like no other and one not to be squandered.

On a personal note: very little of my true personality has come across on these boards (excepting this post), so exercise caution when making assumptions about me in the future.

[Ellen M.]

Seedy, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone on this forum, especially a rabble rouser like our pal tomreedtoon, who has a history of baiting & pissing people off around here. I agree with a lot of what you've said, and unfortunately,
your wisdom will most certainly be lost on the cretin it was intended to enlighten.

I'm not a person who suffers fools gladly either, so I've got your back on this one, along with a bunch of other people on the forum. I'll refrain from being vulgar, but I know someone that deserves to have his mouth held open on a curb, while he gets a swift kick to the back of his head. Yeah, I saw that scene in "American History X"... in a dirty, dark, unsafe movie theatre!

Ellen :mad:

[Seedy Edgewick]

The support is appreciated, thanks. I don't need to justify myself to anyone because I have a good car. [Anyone get that reference?]

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by Seedy Edgewick
The support is appreciated, thanks. I don't need to justify myself to anyone because I have a good car. [Anyone get that reference?]

A man, a good man, don't need to be justified! A good man with a good car don't need to be justified!
Flannery O'Connor, John Houston and Brad Dourif, a match made in heaven. Wise Blood, one of the greatest movies I've ever seen.

Man, we so need a :thumbsup: smiley.

[judex]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
Here's a concept from the guy who learned your life lessons in your stead (which doesn't please me a lot) - PAIN HURTS.


For once I agree with Tom.

Here is a list of all other dangerous activities we should avoid like the plague.

Driving a car : More people are killed on the freeway that all of the Duece theaters put together.

Traveling: We know those Muslim Fundamentalists are just waiting for us to leave the sanctity of our home.

Any Sporting Activity: Think of the injuries.

Eating: Choking on food, it happens everyday.

Sex: Do you know how many people die of heart attacks during the act? Not to mention AIDS, fer God's Sake.

Sitting Too Close To The T.V.: You'll go blind, man.

This is just a partial list of things that SHOULD be avoided at all costs. I'm sure I will think of more.

Oh, and Piloting Private Aircraft: didn't anyone learn the lessons of Airport 75?

[Seedy Edgewick]

Dude:

"Where you come from is gone. Where you thought you were going to weren't never there. And were you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it."

The fact that this line and the previous one are both sampled in Ministry's "Jesus Built my Hotrod" only makes it better.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Absolutely! That alone inspired me to slap together a disc of car/driving themed rockers with dialogue bites from various car themed movies like Two-Lane Blacktop, Vanishing Point, Mad Max, and so on. Needless to say I used that extended mix of Jesus Built My Hot Rod.

[The Baron]

Be careful, Seedy. Next thing you know, you'll be challenged to a vicious Panel Discussion at a comic convention somehwere in Middle America.

Pain doesn't hurt. When you make a friend of pain, life becomes so much easier. The body feels a sensation, the mind interprets that sensation. Pain lets you know you're alive.

Jung was correct. One must embrace one's "shadow" completely, in order to be alive.

I say, let the weak perish. It'll strengthen the human race as a whole. (Either that, or give the wimps an island, and let them fend for themselves or die off. Anyone strong enough to swim to civilization deserves to survive. Personally, I'm tired of supporting the weak.)

[judex]

Originally posted by The Baron

Pain doesn't hurt. When you make a friend of pain, life becomes so much easier. The body feels a sensation, the mind interprets that sensation. Pain lets you know you're alive.


Yeah. If you haven't felt pain, you haven't really lived life.

Also, if you get your ass kicked all the time, being afraid of pain isn't going to help. Predators love fear. Learn to fight back, for Christ sakes.

I think tomreedtoon is aiming a lot of misspent rage at people on FT board (and other boards), when he is really pissed at the jocks that made his high school years a hell.

I think he would have better served himself if he would have not taken his beating passively and stood toe to toe and traded a few blows.

Sure, pain hurts, but it doesn't hurt that badly.

[Pete Vonder Haar]

I've known people like those you assume I am: detached, pseudo-intellectual types who see human suffering from behind the glass and convince themselves there's something "artistic" about it. I am not one of those types. I've had my face shoved in shit more times than I care to count. But, as Nietszche said, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." I am a much stronger person now than I was back in school. No one fucks with me and gets off scott-free.

Tom, as the kids say, you just got owned.

Back to my mom's basement.

[Seedy Edgewick]

Jeez, this isn't a thread anymore, it's a skein.

Wasn't there something a few pages back about missing the old grindhouse theater experience?

BTW, if there's anyone out there who's wondering what we're all referring to, you can rent Basket Case, which director Frank Henenlotter stated was his homage to said grindhouse fare. There's a shot early in the movie where the protagonist walks along 42nd street (in 1980) for a few minutes. It faithfully captures all the glorious sleaze now absent from the area.

Budding filmmakers should also rent the DVD, because the documentary on BC's filming contains lots of lessons on how to maximize a miniscule budget. In fact, I was surprised to learn how much of the film was shot on one set. Henenlotter does a great job of making his work look more expensive than it actually was.

[judex]

Originally posted by Seedy Edgewick
JBTW, if there's anyone out there who's wondering what we're all referring to, you can rent Basket Case, which director Frank Henenlotter stated was his homage to said grindhouse fare. There's a shot early in the movie where the protagonist walks along 42nd street (in 1980) for a few minutes. It faithfully captures all the glorious sleaze now absent from the area.


We could probably do a whole thread on films with scenes of 42nd street in its glory. Taxi Driver comes immediatly to mind. Who can forget Travis Bickle taking Cybill Sheppard to that sleezy sex film on their first date?

[pinktaco]

What's a skein?

[Rory L. Aronsky]

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary:

Main Entry: 1skein
Pronunciation: 'skAn
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English skeyne, from Middle French escaigne
1 or skean or skeane /'skAn/ : a loosely coiled length of yarn or thread wound on a reel
2 : something suggesting the twists or coils of a skein : TANGLE
3 : a flock of wildfowl (as geese or ducks) in flight

[Gorillaboss]

Hey, TomReedToon...I've got a serious question for you.

Why exactly do you post on this board, and what do you hope to gain by doing so?

You make a habit of pissing in peoples' Cheerios, and when called on it, you then seque into nigh-hysterical screeds about violence, abuse, and general mayhem. (Whenever I read your posts, I actually visualize Donald Pleasance frantically foaming about the EEEEEEEE-VILLLL!)

If you are trying to convert people to your cause--and it's obvious you do have a cause, because you're always railing against the horrors of, well, everything this site seems to celebrate--you are seriously going about it the wrong way. I'll be blunt; instead of coming across like the enlightened Man From the Mount, you actually come closer to the crazed vagrant wearing an "END TIMES" placard. Seriously, Tom...I've met Scientologists more persuasive and charismatic than you. You've obviously never heard the platitude about flies and honey. Look it up.

But what if you're not trying to save all of us wayward waifs who desperately need your guidance? That means there's only one other rationale for you participating in the manner that you do, and that is you are really, truly, sincerely trying to be a condescending, holier-than-thou prick.

And, if that happens to be your goal, I must say that you're doing swimmingly.

[GiGi]

The sarcasm is as thick as pea soup in here, not to mention other things. Lurking can be so much fun :)

How did things end up like this?

Peace brothas

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by GiGi

Peace brothas

Peace is so much less entertaining.

[The Baron]

Originally posted by The Dude
Peace is so much less entertaining.

Especially when some highly deserving fuckwit gets his ass handed him so eloquently, as was done by Gorillaboss.

As they used to say on Hee Haw, SA-LUTE! :D

[Furious D]

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!

Oh wait... that wouldn't be any fun at all...:rolleyes:

[El Duderino Diablo]

I was half drunk and half mad from a raging case of tinitus when I posted that.
I still stand by it though.

[langston]

Well, Doug, I read your column today, and it didn't make me laugh. It made me nod along with you. But right now, what's important is that it has motivated me to tell you that, like, you should switch identities, because I think people will be out for your various intravenous fluids until some other big national incident occurs and makes them forget who Reagan was.

[Gabitsch]

Excellent Reagan column, Doug.

It's sad when you have to go to a film web site to get a dissenting view on the Reagan thing. What a great occasion to turn the entire country into Republicans again!

Vote for Kerry, and get Bush out of office. Let's end this crap, at least for four years, and get started on a better America.

[Bryan]

Sorry, didn't like the latest article. I'll go to a politics site if I wanna read that crap.

[The Baron]

Entertainment and politics have always had a relationship.

Artists are the conscience of their society.

If you don't want to read political commentary, don't read it. Doug's column was timely and appropriate, regardless of his personal opinion. Why do you think it's called Film THREAT? If you want to read mass media movie pablum, I suggest you go to http://www.ew.com/ew/

In the mean time, I'm wondering why Doug Brunnel's column got pulled so quickly.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

I think it only got pulled so quickly because it was time to move on. The column is still here:

Bedtime for Bonzo (http://www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=1111)

But you know, there are other things to cover on the site as well and since The Chronicles of Riddick is opening today, that review is timely too.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Normal rotation. It's still there or I should say here (http://www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=1111). I had a much harder time finding Doug's previous column once the main page content was changed than I did this one.

EDIT: Damn Rory, your speedy youth has outgunned my treacherous... um, old man-like ways.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

I was about to playfully bitch at you because it took me more words to say what you said in two: "Normal rotation"

Yep, I'm speedy and proud of it.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Hmmm... I think I should rephrase that last bit. I'm definitely all man as opposed to man-like.
Really.

[Doug_Brunell]

Just wanted to make a note to anyone who cares. In an effort to get this column out in a timely matter, which involved doing a lot of research and fact checking, often at three in the morning, I made it sound like Somoza's National Guard was made of Contras. It wasn't. Members of his guard later became Contras. I accidentally edited out "later." Sorry for the confusion. And for those wondering why it was yanked so quickly, it's just standard rotation. No conspiracy here. Chris Gore and company are "good, honest Americans" who would never "bow to any government -- domestic or foreign." That's from the press release Chris sent me.

Again, sorry about the omission. I had been up since three a.m. when I did the final edit and sent it out, and I don't drink coffee.

[tomreedtoon]

Mr. Brunell, thank you. You join a small number of web sites (such as Bartcop and Democratic Underground) where people dared to speak up against the orgy of the previous weekend.

My only complaint is, this being a movie forum, you should have ragged him from the perspective of his movie roles more. His roles, and his part in Hollywood, was...well, bland. Everyone remembers him for the monkey. A few remember him as a hostile killer in "The Killers," but he wasn't that good there either. I've seen summer stock shows...hell, I've been in stage crew for high school plays...that had actors with more impressive presence.

If America had to have an actor as President, to provide the illusion that things were going well, why couldn't the Republicans have picked a good actor? (Or maybe, good actors would have nothing to do with the Republicans, so they had to settle for the one who would?)

Oh, and Gorillaface, or whatever your handle is...I post here for the same reasons you post here. Like you, I have very little importance in the world, and by adding my two cents, I feel a little special. See, I'm honest about myself, even to the point of using a handle close to my real name. Now, will you show enough honesty about why YOU post here? And why you're so hostile to someone who's not that different from you?

[Ellen M.]

Oh, he's back... yawn!

Ellen:o

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Mr. Toon, I know Gorillaboss. Gorillaboss is a friend of mine. You sir, are no Gorillaboss.

There's a Democratic quote for you. Though not exactly underground.

[The Baron]

You'd think the guy would figure it out by now... no one here likes him. But I suppose he's used to that.

[GiGi]

come on now guys, he is entitled to his opinion too whether we like it or now. :) We cant say what we want and expect no one else to be able to do the same. :(

[The Baron]

That's why he's on my "ignore" list. :D He makes me think of Dennis Leary's song.

:p :p :p :p :p

[Ellen M.]

Originally posted by GiGi
come on now guys, he is entitled to his opinion too whether we like it or now. :) We cant say what we want and expect no one else to be able to do the same. :(

SURE WE CAN!
Know why GiGi?, because we're not antagonistic assholes when we post our comments or opinions! Any slagging is done in good fun, with no malicious intent. THAT'S the difference.

And Pete... you are HILARIOUS, my man!
And you're no Gorillaboss either...HA!

Ellen :)

[The Baron]

I'm in agreement with Ellen. Most of the folks here rib and needle one another like mad, but there's no intent of malice. But when almost every single post someone makes takes the form of malicious attack... Well, you just gotta ask:

What's your major malfunction, numbnuts?

Not that I care, or really want to know, what his malfunction is... I'm just saying, when you seemingly go out of your way to intentionally piss off a bunch of people with regularity, expect to be considered unwelcomed and disliked. (Somehow, I think this is a pattern that has repeated throughout someone's life.)

One of my favorite definitions of insanity is: doing the same thing, in the same way, and expecting to get a different result. The guy is obviously disturbed and needs years of in-depth therapy. But he's not paying me, so I'm not listening.

~ Mr. Compassion :p

[Furious D]

Originally posted by The Baron
What's your major malfunction, numbnuts?
~ Mr. Compassion :p

Hey that's the title of one of Dr. Furious D's Self-Help books, now available from Badger House Press for $37.95. Available at any disreputable bookstore.

I'm affraid that if you use that title you must include a pitch for the book.

BADGER HOUSE BOOKS - You only thought you were fucked up before...

[Ellen M.]

Baron, you never told me D was publishing your book (co-written with R. Lee Ermey)!... Well done! Can I get a copy?...

Ellen :)

[Graham Rae]

Doug, I can't fucking believe you wrote what you just did in public - especially that you still wear a mask upon occasion and wield a knife and stare at people out your window. Man, that is utterly hilarious and shit-scary at the same time. Kudos to you for being to raise such an interesting mix of emotions in me at the same time. Very few people can elicit a laugh that freezes in the throat and comes out as a squawk of raw terror in me.

I once dressed up as Leatherface for a Halloween party, many, many years ago (Leatherface mask and cheap shirt and 'blood'stained butcher's apron) and I had a real mash hammer I borrowed to offset the sanguinary ensemble (a chainsaw woulda been to unwieldy, ya see - plus I didn't own one or know anybody who had one), but I never terrorized people dressed like this - I just got drunk and danced and went home.

I see now where I went wrong. Thank you for showing me the (t)error of my ways. Next time I dress as a fictional serial killer, I will be sure to look in people's windows like some psychotic bloodsprayed peeping tom; it's less dangerous to seriously scare poor innocent people over here, cos we don't own guns. Sure the judge will understand, and my cellmates too. Especially when I mutter the immortal words: "Doug Brunell made me do it."

Off to terrrorize the populace for you Jason, I mean Doug, cheers big man,

G.

[tomreedtoon]

Y'know, I thought this was a place to discuss films, not a secondary gathering place for Harry Knowles wannabe's. (He ain't making money any more, in case you still have the ambition to become Harry one day.)

At any rate, I do find it amusing that you guys are supporting dressing up like serial killers. Especially because the only way you "kill" is from the safe anonymity of an Internet connection. You want to meet at San Diego Comic-Con and try it to my face?

I make this challenge with the full certainty that no one will pick up on it. The moment anyone calls message board insult masters to strut their stuff in the real world, they leave skid marks. And in more places than the ground where they stand.

[El Duderino Diablo]

:groan:

[Pete Vonder Haar]

You want to meet at San Diego Comic-Con and try it to my face?

Which Disney character will you be dressed as?

[GiGi]

Is this all serious? LOL

C'mon guys...let's have a love in. Maybe tom just has a different way of expressing himself, maybe he is trying to push buttons on purpose and people are falling into it. Could be?

We do rag each other and once in a while one gets butt sore, but we all like each other. I wish it could be like that always.

As far as challending duels, c'mon now. Seriously? Baron could break me over his knee and Ellen has some pretty long nails lol. I wouldn't want to go there. And violence is so icky!

Peace to everyone!

[Graham Rae]

he's awright. tomreedtoon, ah refuse tae lower masel tae slaggin ye, so yir gettin nae negative energy off ay me, likes. Take it easy neebs.

G.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
You want to meet at San Diego Comic-Con and try it to my face?

What's with all the challenges?

Whether it be a war of words, or just a war, you're bound to lose in any confrontation. We rib and poke fun at each other all the time. But what we don't do is go around calling everybody "wannabe Harry Knowles" and challenging them to some kind of duel at San Diego Comic Con. We do everything with a nudge and a wink and laughs all around.

I'm just trying to be the voice of reason here, and do you know how bad you look when I'm the voice of reason?

Just relax.

:D

PS: I believe that Doug Brunnel's column was about playing a prank dressed as fictional movie spree killer/zombie, not going around extolling the virtues of dressing like a real serial killer.

[GiGi]

I dont even know who in the shit Harry KNowles is.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by GiGi
I dont even know who in the shit Harry KNowles is.

He's the guy that runs the ain't it cool news movie gossip site.

[GiGi]

Ah.

I still don't know.
:o

Tanky anyway

[Furious D]

Harry Knowles runs a website called www.aintitcool.com which specializes in insider gossip about the movie business.

Things like who's doing what, what comic book character's being made into a movie, and what production's having trouble behind the scenes.

It's mostly gossip and not the erudite and intelligent discussion found on this site provided by guys like tomreedtoon.

[Ellen M.]

Oh, he's still here!... yawn :o

Okay, I'll rouse myself out of the Thursday morning stupor, just to clarify things here...

A - The Baron has broken me over his knee, and IT HURTS, trust me! Oh, and I've filed the nails down now, GiGi. The tips got singed in that witch burning a few weeks ago.

B - You want someone to come kick your ass at a fuckin' ComiCon in San Diego?... I know a few Klingons who'd be glad to oblige! People would pay handsomely to see that kind of action on a panel... Kah-plaaaagh!

C - ANY comparisons made between FT & AICN (and that loser, hypocrite, waste of a film critic, Harry Knowles), have now solidified your status as an antagonistic asshole, Tommy boy!

And 3 words before I go back to sleep... Bugger off already!

Ellen :mad:

[The Baron]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
The Baron has broken me over his knee, and IT HURTS, trust me!

Yeah, but it took a week to get the smile off your face... you naughty girl! :eek:

[Gorillaboss]

"I've got too much time on my hands." My apologies to Shaw and DeYoung fans everywhere.

And I further apologize to my fellow Film Threateers for this pedantic exercise in taking Mr. TomReedToon to school.

You've been warned.

(Disclaimer: I work nights, so I'm actually getting paid for this post. At no point did I squander precious free time to do what will, for all intents and purposes, be the equivalent of hitting my head against a brick wall.)

--*--

Dear Mr. TomReedToon:

So it comes to this.

When I asked you my original question as to why you posted on this board, I meant it in all sincerity. I was trying to commune with you and gain better insight into your personality and intentions, because you, sir, are an enigma to me.

An enigma, you say? But why?

I'll tell you why. It's because you're a self-professed genre fan (and by "genre fan," I mean it in the loose sense coined to define geeks everywhere, a la the all-inclusive "comics/cartoons/anime/sci-fi/fantasy/horror/toys/etc" fan, and by "self-professed," I mean that you run zines/sites devoted to said pursuits, ie "cartoons") who seems to go out of his way to disparage, insult, and ridicule your fellow genre fans who don't cater to your opinions. I realize that this is part and parcel of the Internet, especially when it comes to geek pissing contests, but you just take the conceit and run with it. To use a now-tired chestnut about our ilk, you make the Comic Book Guy look like a piker.

I asked you why you posted to this board, and you answered thusly:

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 06-15-2004 6:43 AM
...I post here for the same reasons you post here. Like you, I have very little importance in the world, and by adding my two cents, I feel a little special. See, I'm honest about myself, even to the point of using a handle close to my real name. Now, will you show enough honesty about why YOU post here? And why you're so hostile to someone who's not that different from you?

I'll ignore the snide comments about my general importance (not to mention the insult that you and I are anything alike) to focus on two key bits of that quote.

A) You never actually answered the question. You post to this board "for the same reasons I post here?" I find that highly circumspect, since you actually have no idea why I do, indeed, post to this forum. So, "[you weren't] honest with [your]self," or us. You dodged.

B) You ask "why so hostile to someone who's not that different from [me]," and I'll say this--you've sure got a lot of moxy to accuse me of hostility. Since you've obviously never heard my aforementioned maxim about flies and honey, I guess you also missed the one about pots and black kettles.

Let's address these issues, shall we?

Mr. TomReedToon, I post to Film Threat because I happen to love cinema. I love it in all forms, from animated features to black and white classics to 1970s grindhouse/drive-in schlock. I also love the movie-going experience, as there's nothing like seeing a film in a crowded theatre where everyone is in synch, or seeing a flick at the drive-in (sadly, I'm too young to wax poetic about the Times Square scene). I love the lofty and the sleazy, the high class and the profane. I celebrate the medium in all its shapes, forms, and colors. I am the target demographic of Film Threat.

But when it comes to you, Mr. TomReedToon...I can't say the same. You don't seem like ANYTHING--much less the cinema, much much less Film Threat-style films--AT ALL. You're a contrary, cantankerous old coot who...no, wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll get to that.

Let's examine the hostility. Mr. TomReedToon, accusing me of hostility is laughable. You're such a font of ire, enmity, animosity, animus, antagonism, antipathy and general rancor (thanks, Merriam-Webster) that accusing anyone else of the same borders on the hysterical. You're either the most self-deluded person on the planet, or patently insane.

And before you start accusing me of ad hominem attacks, I'll just let the facts speak for themselves. I've compiled a list (in chronological order, no less) of every single one of your 38 posts on the current board, and I think they illustrate quite nicely that you're a contrary, cantankerous old coot who despises everything and everyone related to Film Threat. I've also provided some additional commentary for our studio audience.

Here goes the hoarding of the bandwidth...

1) Re: David Hasselhoff Article ("Excess Hollywood" thread)

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 12-30-2003 11:47 PM
I understand when a writer gets stuck for inspiration. You grab at whatever thread wanders through your inspiration-starved mind. But still, this must have been a really desperate week.

First post in, and Mr. TomReedToon's already dishing up the criticisms; however, this could just be some friendly ribbing with no malicious intent. Perhaps his later posts will shed light on his intentions?


2) Re: Damon Packard

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 12-31-2003 12:01 AM
Has Damon Packard finally taken a coil of rope and wandered into the woods...or is all this one of those pathetic put-ons by someone who feels the need to lie?

Hmmm...insulting, superior demeanor and a crassness about someone's potential suicide. It’s only post #2, and we're really not off to a good start.


3) Re: More David Hasselhoff
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 01-03-2004 7:05 AM

Snipped, because there’s nothing overly negative here. Maybe the first two posts were just flukes?


4) Re: More David Hasselhoff
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 01-28-2004 10:38 PM
Yes, you should call people on their stupid assumptions. The problem is, when you're dealing with the entertainment industry, the stupidity never stops.

Ahhh, back to the crankiness, but it's not really out of line, especially on this board.

But take a note, gentle readers, because that "stupid assumptions" bit may come in handy later....

5) Re: Underworld Review

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-10-2004 11:25 PM
This isn't up to the usual Film Threat standard of quality. Mr. Thilk reviews a vampire movie and doesn't know much about them - or the kind of superheroic characters in this film. (He says he didn't collect X-Men comics; I wonder if he saw either of the movies, any of the animated series or anything else, since he seems to live in an isolation tank.)

Amazingly, he hasn't heard of "vampires being treated like royalty" before. Mr. T, ever hear of the game "Vampire: The Masquerade?" The most popular game among suicidal and homicidal goth kids in the last decade? The game blamed for several murders? Sorry, I guess you were in the hotel bar sucking down grain alcohol when the kids in black trenchcoats were walking through during the last convention.

Aside from his apparently living in Plato's cave...or should I say getting sloshed in Plato's cave?...he's more interested in describing his own life than the movie he's watching. A cultural critic must be like a Jedi; glory, honor, a seat next to Roger Ebert or detailing the minutiae of his personal life is not the point. Describing the film, whether he feels it is worthy or horrid AND why he thinks so, and trying to fit it into some larger context is his job.

So, we have a guy more interested in describing his personal woes than the film he's supposed to be watching, who doesn't seem to know enough about popular culture to reference what he's watching, and who uses the pronoun "I" almost as much as Harry Knowles and "Moriarty." Why was this accepted by the editors?

He could have gotten away with it...IF he said somewhere that his own sad life was more interesting than the film he was watching. Given that the film was "Underground," that would have been an acceptable excuse.

My God, if standards have slipped this low at Film Threat, maybe I should submit a review.

I would have liked to have trimmed this post into something more succinct, but we hit the proverbial motherload of bile, and to edit any out would be criminal. Here Mr. TomReedToon not only insults the reviewer's sobriety, skill, and savvy, but also reveals an odd bit of ill-informed Fundie bias against goths, horror, roleplaying, and those that combine the three. "Stupid assumptions" rearing their head, perhaps?

(I'll let slide the fact that a man who mentions Plato then expects to be taken seriously when following up with the Jedi bit....)


6) Re: A Comic Book Confabulation

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-10-2004 11:33 PM

This is a very strong independent comic book…

Wonder of wonders! Mr. TomReedToon has something POSITIVE to say, even if it’s about comic books and not film. All of his surliness must have been vented from his post 8 minutes prior.


7) Re: The Passion of the Christ

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-25-2004 12:57 PM
...I've read say the film is violence porn. In which case, it shouldn't be "The Watchtower" that is reviewing the film. It should be "GoreZone." They should have the little proto-Columbine geeks who run that mag going to Gibson to ask about his formulas for fake blood, how they construct the severed body parts, how did they make it look like the spear really stabbed the guts out of Jesus, and the like.

Here, the "stupid assumptions" and horror bias begin to commingle. Mr. TomReedToon equates the producers of a horror movie mag with diseased schoolyard mass murderers. Interesting leap, I'll give him that much.


8) Re: Green Hornet and Kevin Smith
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-25-2004 01:15 PM
Is Smith a really clever writer? Nothing of his that I've seen says so. Cynical, mocking, yeah, but not clever.


Tom takes a breather from railing against Gorezone to slam director Kevin Smith. Weather forecast downgrades from "Tipper Gore" to simply "Grouchy."


9) Re: The Passion of the Christ
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-25-2004 08:46 PM
Fangoria, GoreZone, Guns and Ammo, Klansman Monthly...the names always change but the content and readers remain the same.

Whoah. In less than 8 hours, Mr. TomReedToon has had a chance to refill his venom sacs, and we witness any pretense of rationality begins to slip away. Horror movie fans, gun afficianados, and militiant racists are all alike. All that's missing is a reference to the TV Preachers, the Gnomes of Zurich, and OPEC and we're ready to play Illuminati (tip o' the hat to Herr Vonder Haar). From this point forward, I'll make no mention of "stupid assumptions," because I think they'll speak for themselves.

10) Re: The Passion of the Christ
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-25-2004 09:18 PM

I do happen to know many very devout Christians, who believe in worshipping their conception of God privately and quietly. They don't get into...arguments. They hope to spread their faith by their personal lives, not by grandstanding.

Nothing overly surly here, but...

I think anyone who's familiar with Mr. TomReedToon's posts will savor the irony.

11) Re: The Passion of the Christ
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 02-26-2004 09:50 PM
And in an environment where they're throwing Jews like Howard Stern off the air...where a right-wing President wants to send all gays to concentration camps for the sin of wanting to be married...putting out this film is an act of politics, not religion.

I'm amazed that someone who seems to be so against the Right Wing Conspiracy also seems to share many of their opinions (such as railing against horror and horror’s corruption of youth) and the like. Fascinating.

12) Re: Dawn of the Dead Remake
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-02-2004 11:19 AM

As someone who hates horror, who thinks horror fans deserve to be forced to work in rape clinics, who would love to take a cheese grater to that violence-enabler Anne Rice...I think you horror fans deserve all the crappy remakes they can turn out. Because I know, whether they suck or not, you'll pay your hard-earned cash to see them, if only to see whether they suck or not. As someone famous said, it is immoral to allow suckers to keep their money.

And here's where Mr. TomReedToon drew the proverbial line in the sand, as up until this point, his aspersions were cast towards the general masses, the "them." Here, he comes right out and insults the members of the Film Threat forum by calling us "suckers" and, even worse, wishes us to endure the horrors of working in a rape clinic.

(An aside...I didn't mention it at the time, but I can speak with certainty that one member of this board worked for years as a protective escort at an abortion clinic. He's paid his dues at enduring gross inhumanity, and he also happens to be a horror fan. So, as they say in the vernacular, “Sit on it, Tom.”)

This post alone polarized the ill-will towards Mr. TomReedToon, and he had no one but himself to blame for the fallout.

13) Re: Dawn of the Dead Remake
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-03-2004 06:33 AM

It's really creative for you to sit and agree with one another like junior high girls.

No discretion, no selectivity, no sense of proportion. (Of course no proportion. Hell, look at how you ganged up on measely ol' me.)


This is how Mr. TomReedToon responds to those that don't like being painted by his brush. Lovely, just lovely.

Apparently, those that disagree en masse with Mr. TomReedToon are equivalent to a herd of compliant sheep. We're also vicious and predatory, since we dogpiled him sooooo unfairly.

What does it say of a person if they have to play the martyr card when attacked by sheep, of all things? Well, maybe I'd understand it if they were vicious, predatory sheep....


14) Re: Dawn of the Dead Remake
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-03-2004 11:15 PM

What passes for "horror" nowdays (sic) is gore. Little would-be Columbine killers counting up the quarts of blood and the number of women stabbed through the groin with big, sharp knives.

The "big message" of today's horror is the same message as big businessmen, Republicans, real-world serial killers and other similar souls: "A man never stands taller than when he steps on the neck of a friend." In the case of horror, all you have to do is amend it to say "severed neck."

And Seedy Edgewick, thanks for a reasoned response (for the most part). You haven't changed my opinion about horror; as a person who was the victim of violence, I've experienced the kind of thing you folks laugh at in the movies, and it will never be "simply a movie" to me.

I'm willing to accept that a few movies that wear the "horror" tag have something humane to say. But the majority of those movies are simple encouragement to the real-world people who want to rape, kill, maim and lynch. i'd love to show you some real-world examples, but the police never found my assailants....

But as I've been trying to say, horror fans would buy the Brooklyn Bridge as long as it was draped in severed uteruses.

I stand corrected--here's where we truly get the martyr treatment. Instead of outright apologizing for his trollish assertions, Mr. TomReedToon seemingly attempts to justify his behavior by illustrating his tragic past. Naturally, said tragedy is a direct result of horror and its idiot fanbase.

I'm definitely not making light of his tragic situation, but to blame the horror genre is tantamount to saying, "That there Judas Priest devil music made my son kill hisself." And, even worse, to imply that we fans are somehow complicit in his tragedy is disingenuously sleazy. For shame, Mr. TomReedToon.


15 & 16) Re: Brian Felsen's "DVD Revolution"
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-04-2004 04:19 AM
I begin to believe that it's an industry conspiracy. The software we have access to is deliberately buggy, flaky and badly designed, because the industry wants us to BUY DVD blanks and hardware, but they don't want us actually DOING anything with it.
Sorry if this bitterness upsets you....

and

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-06-2004 01:21 PM
It's my contention that said hardware and software are designed not to work well. That is, that the manufacturers slap something together that is deliberately faulty, to give the illusion that they're doing their job. (Which in Bush's America is a pretty standard process, you must admit.)...If these businesses are willing to screw over the pros, what makes you think they're not screwing over us ordinary civilians?

Taking a break from horror-bashing, we now veer back into conspiracy territory.

I am legitimately curious how much he spends on aluminum foil each year, because Lord knows those hats ain't cheap.


17) Re: Jerry Bruckheimer

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-06-2004 01:38 PM

I find it a fascinating process. When young, feisty, rebellious pundit types want to diss someone...


So, lemme get this straight...everyone on the Film Threat boards just "sit[s] and agree[s] with one another like junior high girls," but a mere 3 days later we're all "feisty" and "rebellious?"

Your perceptions seem to shift awfully rapidly (not to mention conveniently), Mr. TomReedToon. You might want to check your water for excessive fluoride...you know how sneaky that Bavarian-Discordian alliance can be.

18) Re: Jerry Bruckheimer, and Fun with the Baron
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-08-2004 02:44 PM

Y'know, Baron...I could waste my time by dissing you like the kids over at "Ain't It Cool News," but that would be pointless. Why don't you stop the ad hominem attacks and just talk about film? Or is that NOT the reason you're here?

I was making a simple point about people who post here; too often they critique people they don't like with simple cheap shots like comment on their target's supposed sexuality. That ain't film criticism...I certainly hope that YOU didn't feel I was picking on you, Baron, or twinging your guilty conscience...


Ohhh, so THAT'S why Mr. TomReedToon comes to Film Threat. It's to discuss film. Finally, after 18 posts, it becomes clear. You can see why I might be confused.

19 & 20) Re: Dawn of the Dead Remake, or "How To Make Friends and Influence People"

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-08-2004 09:16 PM
One of the curious facts about the Internet is that it allows people like the Baron to say things that he would never, ever dare to say to me in person.

I mean, if he and I could meet in some public place to debate the issue in front of people, he'd be stopped cold. Not that he'd ever do it. Like every other such person, he cowers, backpedals and goes all passive-aggressive when someone calls on him to put up or shut up.

On previous occasions in other online venues, I've offered to pay admission to appropriate locations for this sort of discussion - the public panels of science fiction cons. Not air fare or hotel rooms, just the admission to the con, since I'm not rich. But if the gents involved were truly interested in defending their honor, and a public apology from me, one would think they'd take me up on the offer.

Instead, they retreat, leaving skid marks. And not just in their underwear. "I won't talk in front of a bunch of nerds!" say these nerds. "I won't go to Atlanta, it's hot and sweaty!" says the guy whose Northern city tops 80 degrees in summer with no breezes.

So, you guys who sit back and mock, here's the chance to prove you're not cowards. Don't "talk to the hand." Talk to MY FACE. In the flesh, in person. Or admit that you're only cowards.

I await the smell of burning bicycle tires in reverse.

and

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-08-2004 09:29 PM

Wanna put up or shut up, Baron?
I've got your venue right here. But not a cheesy Internet forum.

I'm willing to bet a one-day admission to Dragon*Con in Atlanta that you won't dare to say this stuff to me in person. At a panel. In front of an audience. Full details to be worked out in a written contract if you accept.

Which makes you, not only a coward, but an all too typical message board troll. You'll revert to insulting my manhood, sexuality, honor and all the rest; interesting how those who have no honor always talk about honor.

The call to defend YOUR honor has been made. I'll listen for the squeaky sound of your gym shoes retreating.

Everything that can be said about challenging someone to a fight OVER THE INTERNET has been said.

This is just too sad to contemplate...let's move on, shall we?

21) Re: Underworld Review
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-10-2004 5:43 AM
What's wrong with being a Jedi? About caring for others more than for yourself? (Or, in this case, caring more for the ascendance (sic) of film than for promoting oneself like an egotistical jerk?)


Flaunting geek credentials? Check.
Harshly critical of another genre fan? Check.
Name-calling and condescension? Check.

Yep, it's vintage TomReedToon, all right.

22) Re: Jerry Bruckheimer, and More Fun with Herr Baron
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-10-2004 6:22 AM
In other words, I'm challenging him to be a freakin' grownup. I can make this challenge with confidence because, like so many of the dittomonkeys before him, he has no courage and no principles.

And I read his reply. I hear the sound of a coward in retreat.

I don't feel the need to rag on a coward. He's now just another hashmark painted on the hatch of my Piper Cherokee.

Being a freakin' grownup and petty name-calling and insults must go hand-in-hand? Maybe, if you’re a professional wrestler…and for someone who seems to be sooooo against violence, threatening to run someone over seems a bit…tacky, yes?

23) Re: Spaulding Gray
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-10-2004 6:43 AM
Of course, since this happened in a big city, it's very possible he was given a helping hand into his grave. Probably by a soul just as troubled, but who had found physical activity was a lot more satisfying than passive depression. And someone who probably never heard of Spaulding Grey, but recognized a target when he saw it.


He’s taken enough lumps from this one, too. But I do agree with Tom on one thing: it's obvious that Spaulding Gray was murdered by a horror fan. Say, where was The Baron on the night in question?

24) Re: Tim Burton
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-10-2004 6:52 AM
When he's not showing the artist as victim ("Edward Scissorhands" and "Ed Wood") he's suggesting that ordinary people ought to be killed wholesale ("Mars Attacks" and his version of The Joker in "Batman").

Dear God, man. We're 23 posts in, and I believe only 3 of them fail to say anything negative. I guess I know why he bravely uses a screen name close to his own, instead of “Sunshine17” or “Dr_Honeybunch.”

Regarding Tim Burton advocating that "ordinary people ought to be killed wholesale"—what the hell? If TomReedToon knew anything about the Batman mythology beyond Adam West or the cartoons, he'd realize the inherent ludicrousness of his Joker reference.

25) Re: Spaulding Gray
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-10-2004 11:29 PM

I don't care who you're friends with. I don't even care about this site that much. I posted here under the mistaken impression that it wasn't full of passive-aggressive types taking a break from "Ain't It Cool News." I thought you guys were serious about film and media. Apparently I'm wrong. This seems to be just another kiddie board.

If you read anything...if you know how to read, and not just spazz...

Back in your playpen, kids. My time and my life are too valuable to mess with little Max Powers imitators like you.

Insults heaped with hypocrisy; boy, the hits just keep on coming. He's on a roll today.

(And he’s dead wrong if he thinks this board is passive-aggressive. I’d have to say it’s “overtly-aggressive,” but only towards a certain poster who just seems to beg for abuse….)

26) Re: Jerry Bruckheimer
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-11-2004 12:47 PM

Okay, last thing I say about this, I promise...as long as others start acting mature.

I always make this offer to people who decide to play King of the Universe on forums and newsgroups. The point is not simply that they refuse to be seen saying in public what they won't say human to human. They refuse by insulting me personally and evading like a kid without his homework.

Amazing…he actually has the audacity to get rankled at insults? I am both appalled and astounded at the sheer volumes of denial and self-delusion.


27) Re: Underworld Review
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 03-11-2004 12:56 PM
I just find it ironic. Here, Film Threat is supposed to be a serious site about films. A review is posted that's a joke, which is presented as if it were serious treatment.

Maybe your FTP upload sites are crossing messages.

Make it stop. DEAR GOD, MAKE IT STOP!


28) Re: Excess Hollywood
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 04-08-2004 09:35 AM
I'm surprised I'm still here since there are so many "connected" people who were offended that I wrote something real and not juvenile. However, until the people with the pachouli-oil-scented burning crosses come my way, here it is...

Sigh. I guess hoping for a full month away from TomReedToon’s cheer was too much to ask.

Well, at least he came back swingin' against all those opposed all things "real" and "not juvenile." (To learn more about the genuine and the mature, check out http://www.off-model.com and http://www.toonmag.com)

And since when does the Klan do up their crosses in pachouli? Next thing you know, they’ll be making their nooses from love beads and wearing macramé hoods.

29) Re: Excess Hollywood
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 04-08-2004 8:41 PM
'Scuse me if I sound bitter, but I've seen too many so-called "sophisticates" believe that they are too good to do anything for the unwashed masses. They expect to be treated with greater respect than Joe Sixpack, but they, too, stay home and get drunk instead of voting on Election Day.

Why would anyone think you might come across as bitter, Tom?

30) Re: Excess Hollywood
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 04-09-2004 10:28 AM

We'll come back to this one. Trust me, it's a doozy.


31) Re: Excess Hollywood
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 04-09-2004 10:08 PM

Like I said in the post, I wasn't sure if it was Freddy Krueger or Stallone who was raping dead girls. Those movies are all a blur to me, especially since the two leads are interchangeable.

He bemoans the lack of serious discussion of film, and he makes statements like that? What was the last film you saw, Mr. TomReedToon...Escape from Witch Mountain? Or maybe The Cat From Outer Space?


32) Re: Moore's Farhenheit 9/11
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 05-18-2004 1:33 PM

Snipped, because there’s nothing inflammatory here; granted, there’s nothing positive, either, but by this point, we’ll take what we can get.

33) Re: Words That Should Be Forbidden
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 05-21-2004 5:45 PM

Snipped again, nothing to raise the dander. I think we can attribute his weeks away to being ill.

34) Re: Excess Hollywood & Times Square
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 06-01-2004 8:22 PM
Is it the movies he's nostalgic for, or the hookers, druggies and psychos?

Or for the phony belief that he was discovering amazing, undiscovered movies because they were being shown in crappy and potentially deadly surrroundings?

If he's complaining about the corporate takeover of American media, and its subsequent Disneyfication, there are better victims to speak about than toxic waste dumps where a trip to the bathroom was a suicidal gesture.

Another example of what Tom Wolfe called "nostalgia for the mud," which Wolfe said in French, which itself was a pretentious thing to do.

Ahhhh...he's feeling better! We have snobby allusions to lofty pursuits (Wolfe don't beat Plato, though) and utter contempt for the way that some people enjoy their theatre experience.

Glad you're back, buddy! You were missed! No really, I'm serious...no sarcasm here. I swear.


35) Re: Excess Hollywood & Times Square
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 06-03-2004 1:54 PM

Lack of experience shows.

Seedy, I suppose you weren't beaten enough by the school punks when you were a kid. I guess I must have received your beatings for you, and the beatings intended for most of the other posters here. Thanks for the education, guys...I wonder if you'll survive without them.

Here's a concept from the guy who learned your life lessons in your stead (which doesn't please me a lot) - PAIN HURTS.

Not only is going to scumbag theatres an awful experience, not only is it a pretense to danger that can rapidly turn into real danger, but even if everything goes well and you live through it without catching AIDS or losing a limb, what is the essence of this activity? You, o well-off person, are just finding a new way to exploit the poor and ruined.

"Look at how daring I am! A person died in the theatre seat next to me! No, it didn't bother me at all, and I was certainly courteous; I only took one of the shoes off her body as I left. Doesn't match my Reeboks, but I'll add it to my sculpture of found items. Pass the Chablis."

As for the "beige culture," that's why this web site is so interesting; people are out there making alternatives. Going to see a movie in America's Beirut isn't a requirement for that. In fact, by avoiding theatres completely and getting them on video, you get to see the works of people who can't even make it over that fianancial hurdle. (And it's not like anyone who posts here has left their parents' basement in years anyway.)

This post encapsulates Mr. TomReedToon in all his glory. He throws out more of those "stupid assumptions" while treating everyone with different views like they were the gum beneath his bootheels. Sadly, he genuinely fails to grasp this.

What Mr. TomReedToon fails to grasp is that the reason "why this web site is so interesting" is BECAUSE people appreciate different things. Diversity is championed, and it’s why you stick out like the proverbial sore thumb.

36) Re: Matrix Sequels
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 06-05-2004 9:35 PM
While they added new looks, including the rave scene, which WAS gay...

Mr. TomReedToon bemoaned the fact that people insulted his sexuality in earlier posts, but here he does the same. (Yes, I'm just picking at nits, but you would be, too, after doing this for as many hours as I have.)

37) Re: Excess Hollywood, and Me in Particular
Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 06-15-2004 6:43 AM

We opened with this one, and I think it’s covered.

38) Re: Excess Hollywood, and Fun with Serial Killers

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 06-17-2004 01:34 AM
Y'know, I thought this was a place to discuss films, not a secondary gathering place for Harry Knowles wannabe's. (He ain't making money any more, in case you still have the ambition to become Harry one day.)

At any rate, I do find it amusing that you guys are supporting dressing up like serial killers. Especially because the only way you "kill" is from the safe anonymity of an Internet connection. You want to meet at San Diego Comic-Con and try it to my face?

I make this challenge with the full certainty that no one will pick up on it. The moment anyone calls message board insult masters to strut their stuff in the real world, they leave skid marks. And in more places than the ground where they stand.

Upon reading this most recent (and, to date, last) post, it occured to me that several themes resonate throughout Mr. TomReedToon's writings.

A) His plaintive cry to discuss films, while never seemingly doing so
B) His insults
C) His desire to get meet forum members tete-a-tete
D) His fetish with skid- and/or tiremarks.

These themes became so prevalent that I decided to crunch some numbers in the name of SCIENCE!

I put all of Tom’s quotes into the Gorilla-Tron 3000, and here’s what it has derived.

) 33 out of 38 (86.84%) posts say something overtly “Negative”

) 4 out of 38 (10.53%) remain "Neutral" (meaning expressive neither “Negative” nor “Positive” connotations)

) 1 out of 38 (2.63%) posts says something construed as “Nice”

Other fascinating statistics about TomReedToon's missives:

) 3 out of 38 (7.89%) posts intimate that the purpose of Film Threat is to discuss film

) 0 out of 38 (0.00%) posts where anything positive is said about film

) 14 out of 38 (36.84%) posts directly insult the staff and/or the readers of Film Threat

) 4 out of 38 (10.53%) posts invite and/or allude to a public confrontation with Mr. TomReedToon, which is surprising given his alleged aversion to violence.

) 4 out of 38 posts (10.53%) make reference to skid- and/or treadmarks, indicating he’s a rubber fetishist.

) 38 out of 38 posts (100.00%) prove conclusively that not only is Tom a generally unpleasant, unlikeable fuddy-duddy, but he also lacks what we like to call “the people skills.”

--*--

Some of you may be wondering how accurate the Gorilla-Tron could be, given that post #30 was omitted from the quote summary. Fear not, gentle readers, because the data it contained was plugged into the machine; there’s definitely no error.

And what was contained in the oh-so-elusive post #30, you ask? What secrets does it reveal?

I’ll tell you this…within post #30 is the concentrated essence of everything that makes Mr. TomReedToon what he is today. It is a testament to his life, his being, and his very soul.

Peer into this inky well, if you dare….

Originally posted by tomreedtoon, 04-09-2004 10:28 AM
A lot of the dance films, or the crummier exploitation films, usually thrive only by default. You want to go on a date with your girl, she's not going to want to see Freddy Krueger raping a dead girl or Sly Stallone killing innocents (or is that the other way around?) If you can't take a girl to something inspirational, something dumb but pleasant is a rational choice.

(Personal confession time: the last girl I dated, I took her to see "Looking for Mr. Goodbar." And she was a teacher, like the woman in the film. The relationship ended up bad. Yes, that was a long time ago, and that was the last date I ever had. I didn't make a rational choice.)

--*--

Now it all makes sense. I have been given the crystal clarity of the gas-happy Oracle of Delphi.

Considering that Looking for Mr. Goodbar came out in 1977, that means that Mr. TomReedToon has gone dateless for nigh unto 27 years.

Is it any wonder that he’s gone around the bend?

That poor, poor, pitiable man....

[Ellen M.]

Yeah... what Gorillaboss said!

Can't you just hear the chorus of cheering in the background?... with Graham, Baron, Rory & the Dude all raising their pints of beer in glorious agreement, over someone getting handed their ASS, yet again!...Ah, life is good!

Ellen :)

[The Baron]

I'm building a Gorillaboss shrine in my living room.

[Ellen M.]

Don't forget to include the Styx lyrics!
And just for the record, I was NOT smiling for a week, only a few days...giggle!

Ellen :)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by The Baron
I'm building a Gorillaboss shrine in my living room.

Is it going next to the one in honour of Billy Dee Williams made from Coldcock empties?

Kudos to Gorillaboss. I've never seen such a clearly detailed virtual spanking in all my time as an internet crank.

But you better not go to San Diego Comic Con, because old Tomreedtool might slap you with one of his "Garfield" mittens and challenge you to water pistols at dawn. Of course that's only if his mom lets him out that early.

Ain't I a stinker?:rolleyes:

A Life Lesson for Mr. Tomreedtoon-

Don't go into battle when you don't have the ammunition!

[Graham Rae]

Aw man Gorillaboss, I wish you could see how hard you just made me laugh! The fact you got paid to write that insane rant is almost enough to make you believe in a God. Pure, pedantic, cold, clear-eyed logic...with a fucking (I'm sorry, I'm still laughing here) killer punchline! I cannot stop laughing. Seriously. Dateless for 27 years...hahahahaha...aw man...I'll fuck the guy myself if it will lighten him up. Or, as an ex-horor fan, I will beat him like a dog - either way he gets the physical (still laughing) contact he so desperately needs and cries out for in (c)overt form. Cheers, Gorillaboss. You made my night. Not even seeing street kids in Rio getting shot and killed when I see City of God on the big screen tonight will make me laugh as much as that, m'man.

And hey. In what Nightmare on Elm Street film did ole Freddy rape a dead girl? I didn't see that one, unless I saw an edited version, and feel ripped off. I want my money back! And. Small point of order which, I do admit, may be construed as an exercise in semantics and pedantry: if a girl is dead and somebody has sex with her, is it still rape? After all, dead girls don't say no...

Our put-upon poster obviously bears a grudge against productions with a horrific element because he took his one and only date to one and she left in disgust, thus ruining his only chance in life to ever get laid. I think we should be merciful here and start an FT forum whip-round to buy the man a hooker, cos pity knows he needs to get laid. We could even pay extra and have her dress up as Princess Leia for a Jedi-lover like him. Sure he would appreciate it. I'll donate £1/55c. Anybody else?

tomreeddtoon is my new anti-hero. You show us subnormal slavering sociopathic blooddsucking freaks what life and logic is all about! Go Tom go!

G.

[The Baron]

You know, since I live in L.A. (along with many of my fellow violent perverts), I'm half tempted to make the two-plus hours drive down to San Diego for ComicCon. If I do, I'm going to take a stopwatch. After I introduce myself, I want to make note of the time, in seconds, between the scream for security, and the appearance of the urine stain on the front of Tom's costume.

Originally posted by Graham Rae
After all, dead girls don't say no...

Yeah, but you still have to bring flowers.

[Ellen M.]

I see you turned off the "ignore" button Baron!
You know my Klingon friends will be very disappointed if they don't get to join in on the bloodshed! Can I come too? I just hafta see this! I promise to wear my Princess Leia (Leah) Slave Girl outfit!...Oh, pleeeeeze!

DAMN... I just peed myself & cracked a few ribs from laughing so hard... Owwww!... Help... I've fallen & I can't get up!

Ellen :p :p :p :p

[Ellen M.]

Oh, and D, you forgot to quote Graham's excellent line from a previous rant, sparked by Tommy Boy... "Life has not equipped you for this debate!"

Gotta go clean myself up... still laughing!
Ellen :p

[The Baron]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
I see you turned off the "ignore" button Baron!

No. Gorillaboss just quoted every one of Reed's posts. Prince Funny Pages is still on "ignore."

You know my Klingon friends will be very disappointed if they don't get to join in on the bloodshed! Can I come too? I just hafta see this! I promise to wear my Princess Leia (Leah) Slave Girl outfit!...Oh, pleeeeeze!

Bloodshed? Come on, Ellen... You know what I look like. I don't need to resort to violence. There's no satisfaction, or honor, in kicking the crap out someone like Reed. That would just reinforce everything he already believes. No, I just want to see him look up at me while his bladder and bowels evacuate into the pants of his Yoda costume. That event would, no doubt, be followed by my armed escort out of the venue.

However, feel free to wear your Princess Leia Slave Girl outfit for me some time. ;)

"Bathe her, and bring her to me!"

[Ellen M.]

Originally posted by The Baron
Bloodshed? Come on, Ellen... You know what I look like. I don't need to resort to violence. There's no satisfaction, or honor, in kicking the crap out someone like Reed. That would just reinforce everything he already believes. No, I just want to see him look up at me while his bladder and bowels evacuate into the pants of his Yoda costume. That event would, no doubt, be followed by my armed escort out of the venue.

However, feel free to wear your Princess Leia Slave Girl outfit for me some time. ;)

"Bathe her, and bring her to me!"

Okay, you do have a point, but I'd like to make him cry... I like making stupid, arrogant, asshole boys cry!

And I bet you say that to all the ladies!...Ha, ha, ha (ouch, the ribs, the ribs!)!...

Princess Leah :) :)

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Good.....fucking......lord. I am now entirely envious and proud at the same time because that was one of the BEST posts I have ever read in the history of these forums (and I've been here since the beginning!). This was absolutely amazing.

Now I've just got to find room for my Gorillaboss shrine though I'm not sure where I'm going to be able to fit it because of my home entertainment purchasing plans this summer (ah, electronics!). Wait a minute! There's a part of my new room (moving too) that has some space above the closet. THAT'S where it will go!

Thanks Gorillaboss! You are a God!

[The Baron]

Can't you just feel the love in this thread?

[Ellen M.]

Why am I now picturing us all as a bunch of chimps, awestruck & jumping around a big, black monolith called Gorillaboss, ala Kubrick?!

GB, that was a brilliant reply AND I think it also gets the record for the longest one on the forum (oooh, did I just say that?)... Plain & simple - YOU ROCK!

Now Rory, can't you kick Tommy boy out of the FT sandbox... permanently?!

Ellen ;)

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Now Rory, can't you kick Tommy boy out of the FT sandbox... permanently?!

While I'm one of the bosses of this forum, I'm not THE boss. If and when Gore and/or Campos are on here, I'll point them toward this thread and suggest it, but that's all I can do for the time being. I'd love nothing more than to get the job done as it would provide much-desired pleasure. We'll see how it plays out.

[The Baron]

Not to be a downer, and the gods know I would never want to be accused of defending Reed, but 86ing him from FT might set a bad example. I mean, Reed gets booted, then who's next?

I can't see that there's any doubt that tomreedtoon is a highly disturbed individual who, if he is not already, needs to be under the care of a professional. (I'm being deadly serious when I say that.) But, unpleasant as he is, unless he crosses the line in regard to the forum rules, he has a right to be here.

I hate myself for having to say that. :(

[Ellen M.]

Until he pulls a Kuato & tells someone to "go fuck themselves"... Yeah, I have to aqgree with your wisdom on that Baron... damn!

Ellen ;)

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Not to be a downer, and the gods know I would never want to be accused of defending Reed, but 86ing him from FT might set a bad example. I mean, Reed gets booted, then who's next?

The voice of logical reason speaks. One thing I've seen while browsing Ain't It Cool News is that there's a lot of people who are looking for trouble, much like tomreedtoon, and the heads of that site basically ban left and right when they're not pleased at what's said. If you insult the "great" Harry Knowles or his band of un-merry minions, then you're outta there.

Reed may piss us off too, but I see Baron's point.

I can't see that there's any doubt that tomreedtoon is a highly disturbed individual who, if he is not already, needs to be under the care of a professional. (I'm being deadly serious when I say that.) But, unpleasant as he is, unless he crosses the line in regard to the forum rules, he has a right to be here.

I believe you're correct here. I don't think he's crossed any line. All we can do when he shows up is either defend our stances on any number of topics that we're better educated in than him, or use the "ignore" button.

[bronsonseven]

Originally posted by Gorillaboss
(Whenever I read your posts, I actually visualize Donald Pleasance frantically foaming about the EEEEEEEE-VILLLL!)



I picture more of a David Berkowitz type, yelling for hours about how the talking dog keeps him up at night. Reminds me of Summer of Sam.... "Shut that dog UP!"

This forum is getting long. Maybe a sequel should spawn.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

This forum is getting long. Maybe a sequel should spawn.

No, it's fine. Believe me, these threads can stretch pages and pages and pages. It's like a good roll of toilet paper in that it seemingly never ends.

[Ellen M.]

Originally posted by Rory L. Aronsky
No, it's fine. Believe me, these threads can stretch pages and pages and pages. It's like a good roll of toilet paper in that it seemingly never ends.

Yes, and toilet paper is usually used for wiping one's ass, or teepeeing the tree in front of the house of someone you hate... I like your thinking here, oh wise & powerful Rory!

Ellen :)

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by Gorillaboss
"I've got too much time on my hands." My apologies to Shaw and DeYoung fans everywhere.

And I further apologize to my fellow Film Threateers for this pedantic exercise in taking Mr. TomReedToon to school.

You've been warned.

Best post EVER!

Whew. I could use a smoke and a drink right about now.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by Furious D
PS: I believe that Doug Brunnel's column was about playing a prank dressed as fictional movie spree killer/zombie, not going around extolling the virtues of dressing like a real serial killer.

You know he's incapable of differentiating the two, right?

[bronsonseven]

Originally posted by Rory L. Aronsky
No, it's fine. Believe me, these threads can stretch pages and pages and pages. It's like a good roll of toilet paper in that it seemingly never ends.


But everyonce in a while, you have to tear it apart.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by The Dude
You know he's incapable of differentiating the two, right?

I do, but if someone doesn't teach the lad about the difference between fiction and reality and right & wrong, he'll spend the rest of pathetic life trapped in a hell of pointless antagonism, ignorant self righteousness and chronic masturbation.

I'm just trying to save the lad.

WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

As for comparing this forum to toilet paper, I have to say this is two-ply!:rolleyes:

[Ellen M.]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Furious D
[B]I do, but if someone doesn't teach the lad about the difference between fiction and reality and right & wrong, he'll spend the rest of pathetic life trapped in a hell of pointless antagonism, ignorant self righteousness and chronic masturbation.

I think Dr. Gorillaboss already made this diagnosis. Isn't that right, Herr docktor?...

Ellen ;)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
I think Dr. Gorillaboss already made this diagnosis. Isn't that right, Herr docktor?...
Ellen ;)

Diagnosis is one thing. I'm trying to cure the poor misguided creature.

Too bad those narrow minded yahoos at the AMA took away my license to dispense electroshock therapy.

Nothing like a few thousand volts to the cerebellum to make you see the world in a whole new light.:rolleyes:

[GiGi]

Damn! It's a mob with torches and sticks and pitchforks! LOL
You guys have been busy today.

furious, thank you for the clarification on Harry Knowles, sweet pea.

[Graham Rae]

chronic masturbation? I must be one seriously sick individual if there is something wrong with it...cannae wack pu'in the heid off it, likes...

G.

[Ellen M.]

Why is it your job to cure the lad, D?...

This is just my semi-professional opinion, but I think a Prozac / Vicodin / Oxycontin cocktail, combined with a bottle of tequila & a sexual surrogate might improve the guy's outlook on life greatly! But I defer to the docktor, of course!

Ellen ;)

[Ellen M.]

Oh, and to Graham's point, I just read in Playboy, that men who wank at least 21 times a month, lower their risk of prostate cancer by 30%... clears out the carcinogens apparently. So, you may go blind & grow hair on your palms, but spank away boys!

Ellen ;)

[GiGi]

Maybe everyone should pass a doob. :)
That can solve anything, right? hehe

[The Baron]

No... I was stoned when I re-read all this. Nothing's changed.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
Why is it your job to cure the lad, D?...
Ellen ;)

BECAUSE I'M A LIVING SAINT!

And to answer Graham's question, there's nothing wrong with onanism, but it's something that's best done in private, not in public, or while on a forum.

The blood flow leaves your brain & goes into other areas and makes you do stupid things, like pick fights with total strangers on the internet.

Now Graham suggested a whip-round to get him a hooker. I'll supply a six-pack of Badgerbrau for the hooker, it'll make her job seem a little easier.

~St. Furious.

;) :rolleyes: :p

[Graham Rae]

a month? I do that a day! I'm gonna live forever! I am the anti-carcinoma! I'm gonnae sell my sperm on the net as the cure for cancer! Win a Nobel Prize for this!

And hey. Leave this tomreedtoon guy alone. Who cares. It's old news, and he's been roundly and soundly beaten off...sorry, beaten up (Freudian slip of the wrist, ummmm, tongue, so sorry) by the posters here. Enough is enough. Why waste valuable seconds of life complaining about how much you hate him? You know he hates himself and everybody else anyway, so what worse can you do to him than what he does to himself daily?

The latter was a rhetorical question, by the way, not an open invitation to spew more pointless - yet creative - invective.

Off to stave off cancer again,

G.

PS: I still don't get who Harry Knowles is. Could somebody please draw me a labelled diagram or something?

[The Baron]

Originally posted by Graham Rae
a month? I do that a day!

Alas, there must be some lonely sheep around Falkirk. ;)

(Oh! The old Scottish sheep fucker jokes never fail!)

Sorry, brother, I couldn't help myself.

[Pete Vonder Haar]

Why am I now picturing us all as a bunch of chimps, awestruck & jumping around a big, black monolith called Gorillaboss, ala Kubrick?!

Shit. That's just what he needs.

Still, there's no one who knows '60s and '70s exploitation cinema better. And I still owe him a boot to the head for bringing "Bumfights" to my attention.

[GiGi]

Originally posted by Graham Rae

And hey. Leave this tomreedtoon guy alone. Who cares. It's old news, and he's been roundly and soundly beaten off...sorry, beaten up (Freudian slip of the wrist, ummmm, tongue, so sorry) by the posters here. Enough is enough. Why waste valuable seconds of life complaining about how much you hate him? You know he hates himself and everybody else anyway, so what worse can you do to him than what he does to himself daily?



I agree. It's just fueling the fire and the conflict gives the situation power. I don't like to see everyone in an uproar.

Damn, I just sided with Graham. ;)

[Graham Rae]

a sheep fucker joke? C'mon now...I woulda expected better than that from a man of your intellect. Do you know the amount of times I have heard that tedious fucking sheep fucking joke from Americans? It lost its novelty value after about the first, oh, 1000 times or so.

Come on. Pointlessly insult me better than that, Goat-fucker!

G.

[The Baron]

Yeah, it was weak. Sorry about that, Graham. Long day, not sleeping well. Mea culpa.

[Ellen M.]

Graham, I think D just gave you the name of your new band...ONANISM (but you might have to explain to GiGi what it means!) Sheep & goat fuckers get free passes to the first show!...woo hoo!

Seriously, we have degenerated a thread, once again, but we are not an angry mob armed with pitchforks & torches... It's slagging done all in good fun! I've got the Bob Marley tune "One Love" crankin'... mellowing out with some ganja... feelin' the vibe of world peace & harmony... loving my angry, disenfranchised brothers....aaaaahhhhhh!... I feel so much better now!

Ya Mon!
Ellen ;)

[The Baron]

Uh, Ellen... Put the mouse down, and back away from the computer. ;)

If you're smoking out at work, I want to come work with you. Sounds like a great company.

By the way, I like being angry... so enjoy your whirlled peas while I go punch something. :D :mad: :D :mad: :D :mad: (Oh, no! Manic depression!)

Doug, hurry up and write another column. This seems to be going in a vicious cycle, and desperately needs an interruption.

[bronsonseven]

Originally posted by The Baron
.... and desperately needs an interruption.

Or just a new thread all together.

[GiGi]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
Graham, I think D just gave you the name of your new band...ONANISM (but you might have to explain to GiGi what it means!) Sheep & goat fuckers get free passes to the first show!...woo hoo!


Ah, Ellen. Sweet little Ellen...so kind to want to spare me from the talk of self stimulation. However, you don't have to explain it to me...but I may have to explain some things to you in a PM. :)

[El Duderino Diablo]

Ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment (and to keep you all from ripping anyone to shreads) I shall now dance!




...






Thank you, I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.

Doug?

[The Baron]

The Dude does the Cabbage Patch like nobody's business.

[GiGi]

I have a better idea....

GROUP GROPE! :D

[El Duderino Diablo]

so long as the group is myself, you and ellen. I'm sure the guys are nice folks but I have no desire to grope or be groped by them, thank you very much.

[GiGi]

Ah, come on...with the lights out, everyone's hands are the same! Unless you break walnuts with your hands for a living! Hehe

[The Baron]

ATTENTION: DOUG BRUNELL...

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN! WRITE ANOTHER EXCESS HOLLYWOOD COLUMN!!!

[Ellen M.]

Originally posted by The Dude
so long as the group is myself, you and ellen. I'm sure the guys are nice folks but I have no desire to grope or be groped by them, thank you very much.

Ahhh Dude, don't tempt me!
And I can assure you, it wouldn't be a "grope with mediocraty"!

GiGi, relax, I'm just joking with ya...MWAH!
Ellen :) :) :)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by GiGi
Unless you break walnuts with your hands for a living! Hehe

Only on weekends.

CRUNCH!

Now those are some fine crushed nuts!

:rolleyes:

I think we've scared Doug away forever.

And as for the group grope, I have to tell that the Big D is strictly a 'ladies only' zone.;)

[GiGi]

Ah, D....a man is supposed to have...well, rough manly hands. So you can put your walnut crackers on me any day! LOL

I have to say guys, I'm not one for girl on girl action...(sorry Ellen) as you aren't into dudes, but taking turns is ok. :)

[The Baron]

Originally posted by GiGi
Ah, D....a man is supposed to have...well, rough manly hands. So you can put your walnut crackers on me any day!

And this is why your boyfriend lovingly calls you a slag. ;)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by GiGi
Ah, D....a man is supposed to have...well, rough manly hands. So you can put your walnut crackers on me any day! LOL:)

What can I say?

Ladies dig the D...;) :rolleyes: :p

[The Baron]

Another good one, Doug.

I haven't seen Irreversable, and honestly, I don't know that I'm up to it. It's a kind of, yes I want to see it, but don't know if I want my face rubbed in vilest aspect of (in)humanity.

I can also relate to what seeing something like that can do to an audience. Back in '86, I played Raul, the rapist, in a production of Extremities. The rape scene, which is relatively brief and not particularly graphic, caused some audience members (both men and women) to go to the lobby until it was over. The truth is, there's nothing as low and despicable as rape. It is not sexually titilating. It is a crime of violence and the ultimate degradation... And finding that character's truth in myself, which any actor must do with any role, frightened me, and sent me into therapy.

As far as the Pittsburgh Post Gazette is concerned, well, I grew up in Pittsburgh. The paper reflects the small-town mentality that's found in many of the people there. It's a great place to be from.

[rrfrankie]

Only problem I have with Irreversible rape scene is that it's too short.

[The Baron]

Originally posted by rrfrankie
Only problem I have with Irreversible rape scene is that it's too short.

Just wondering, but why do you think it was too short? I would think that nine minutes would be about "real time." To go longer, would (in my opinion) be to dwell on it in a more exploitative sort of way. Perhaps I should see the movie before I judge the appropriate length for the scene, but I'm still interested in hearing your reasons.

[STLFilmClub]

While I would never say I enjoyed Irreversible, I have to say I at least have some strange admiration for it for exactly the reasons you've stated in your latest column. The film shows how a single, horrible act perpetrated by another (supposedly) human being, can utterly and profoundly alter the life of one person and the ones that love them.

While the rape is a very hard scene to watch, the transformation of the "good" male characters in the film had almost as much of an impact on me. As someone who is not a rapist (duh), I was able to see myself in these two men. I could understand where they were coming from in some ways and why they committed the other horrible crime we see in the film. While I've never had a loved one raped before, I have had a loved one who was severely beaten by her husband and I know that rage the men felt and the need to do something about it. Thankfully I and the other male members of my family were able to control these baser instincts, but still, knowing that those capabilities are inside of you is a scary, scary thought. And seeing the characters act out these instincts is just as scary.

[unlickedcub]

Irreversible made me want to punch Gaspar Noe in the mouth.

If he had been in the theater right after seeing that film I would have made him eat his celluloid.

How's that for hating a film?

The basis, as I see it, for liking this film in the latest column is the fact that it doesn’t flinch from showing rape as a brutal crime. It doesn't candy coat the issue like a lot of other 'Hollywood' films.

So, I'm assuming that we should applaud Noe for bringing us a vision of suffering so all the men in the universe can finally know just how brutal rape can be.

That is a load of shit.

This is a movie. In the theaters to make money. Not provide a public service message to all the clueless men of the world. The fucking poster showed Monica Bellucci in a slinky nightgown with her nipples erect. There's a mixed message if I ever saw one.

Gaspar Noe is clearly a sadist. The Marquis de Sade of cinema. He wishes. To truly achieve greatness you at least have to have something going on in your film aside from extreme brutality. Not some boring retread of Memento.

Like De Sade, Noe is trying to prove some kind of point. Shoving our faces in this crime and creating a scenario in which all the men in the film are perverted scumbags.

But also like de Sade his theory is bullshit.

In De Sade's, Justine he presents a stupid heroine who gets abused over and over. She just can't save herself from trouble!! A regular Danger Prone Daphne.

Someone so stupid that we're suppose to hate her. Hate her so much we want to see her just be killed and done with it.

The reader letting his or her inner sadist come out and play. Only we're not all twisted like De Sade.

Aside from the repetition in Justine (that bored me to tears) the utter manipulation just pissed me off.

The same scenario applies to Irreversible.

What is this movie about? We get some backwards bullshit centering around two guys who accost everyone in range, a rape, and then a lot of sex talk from the same two guys who want to fuck Monica. And then some abstract horeshit about life and time at the end that you only see in the worst European cinema.

Gaspar just thinks he's so clever with his swooping camera and naming a gay nightclub 'Rectum'.

He's a guy with nothing to say and clearly full of himself.

While I may not like watching acts of brutal rape that set my teeth on edge if you are going to put me through this kind of emotional roller coaster ride then don't:

A) Bore me with all the other parts of the movie and,

B) Have something to say

[unlickedcub]

Originally posted by STLFilmClub While the rape is a very hard scene to watch, the transformation of the "good" male characters in the film had almost as much of an impact on me.
Everyone has an opinion and I'm not posting this as a slam against you personally.

My other view point on films like this, like say, I Spit On Your Grave, serve as an emotional journey in which you watch someone, usually female, be brutalized and then are served up with the revenge fantasy in striking out at those perps who did the injustice in the first place.

While this isn't very realistic it does serve a cathartic purpose and I wish that Irreversible at least had this going for it.

But Gaspar, as a clever crafty filmmaker, decided he wanted to Memento everything and clearly robs the viewer of being able to follow this route.

One of the first violent images we see if of Vincent Cassel bashing the rapist’s head in with a fire extinguisher. And we have no idea why...at least not yet.

While I would normally applaud such a different choice in a movie, by doing this I believe it just made Irreversible about nothing. Not even an emotional journey of revenge.

[Philo Bedo]

One of the first violent images we see if of Vincent Cassel bashing the rapist’s head in with a fire extinguisher. And we have no idea why...at least not yet.

That is not the rapist who has his head bashed in. It is his popper sniffing friend. The rapist watches the beating, then slides out of the back of the room when the men are finished. They got the wrong guy by mistake.

Just had to clarify that plot point. Resume rant...

[unlickedcub]

You know, with that fucked up camera style I didn't realize that.

So, even in the end, the guy got away with it.

In the immortal words of Cher from Clueless: WHATEVER!

[Gorillaboss]

See http://www.filmthreat.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=1312 for details.

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
Unfortunately, we live in a time when people would rather not hear opposing viewpoints. (And that sadly includes the Film Threat forums, which are getting the troll and dim bulb overflow from Ain't It Cool News.)



re: TomReedToon

Statistics as of 6/29/04

Posts: 39

) 34 out of 39 (87.18%) posts say something overtly “Negative” (up .34% since 6/15/04)

) 0 out of 39 (0.00%) posts where anything positive is said about film (static since 6/15/04)

) 15 out of 39 (38.46%) posts directly insult the staff and/or the readers of Film Threat (up 1.62% since 6/15/04)

[El Duderino Diablo]

He's viral, I tell you! (http://www.google.com/search?q=TomReedToon&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&c2coff=1&safe=off&filter=0)

[tomreedtoon]

It's all very simple. You insult me. You threaten to throw me off this board (oh, I'm shakin' in my boots). You toss feces in my face.

By asking you to do it in person, to my face, I determine if you are genuine about what you say, or if you're exaggerating the size of your penis, like every submoron in a junior high locker room. And like every bully who's faced with reality, the monkey boys are making excuses and running.

Y'see, I came here to talk about films. I grew out of talking smack in...let's see...must have been sixth grade. I want an exchange of ideas, not your imagined cleverness. Being king of a hill of insults means nothing.

Maybe where you guys live, sticking shivs into each other is considered a friendly and brotherly gesture - kind of like mutual masturbation. That isn't the way it works at the grownup table.

I'm still waiting for certain posters to talk about films and stop acting like RE-tards. And I'll drop by the Film Threat booth at San Diego to see if any of you have the courage of what you amusingly call convictions.

Oh, and Gorillaboss? I live in Florida. Back in 2000 we learned that votes mean nothing, especially with a corrupt secretary doing the vote-counting. Ook, ook.

[Graham Rae]

Gaspar Noe is a sick nutcase. Anybody see his previous film, Seul Contre Tous? Had the main male character gut-punching his pregnant wife until she spontaneously miscarried. Is that meant to be some kind of 'statement'?

I saw Irre(per)versible at the EIFF a couple of years ago. During the rape scene, I started crying and had to walk out until it was over. Couldn't deal with it. Noe is a freak. I completely agree with what Unlickedcub has to say about the film. I wanted to punch the director in the face too; if I had actually bumped into him at that festival, I swear I probably would have. He's a misanthropic, sadistic, misogynistic freak, and would love the depth of vitriol he's raised here. Having one of the main characters joking about wanting to fuck Monica Bellucci in her "cute little ass"...and then it happens! Oh the irony! Almost cosmic!

(Sneer) Sick bastard. I spit on him and his film.

And onto even more pathetic matters.

Tomreedtoon, you have a very bitter, tedious way with words. Tell you what, fool. If you are deadly serious about this 'face to face and toe to toe' thing then send me the plane fare from Scotland to...whatever pathetic wee US geekfest you care to mention. Ah'll gladly batter yer fuckin cunt in jist for bein such a dick. Seriously. Can't believe you had the nerve to come back here after being torn to bits so mercilessly. You are obviously one of those people who, far from hating net arguing, actually loves it and thrives on it and lives to do it. And you are an archetypal sci-fi geek who got the shit kicked outta him at high school and who has never gotten over it and who now lets it taint and destroy his whole life. Move on, wee man, life's too short. Get a grip. Seriously. Nobody likes you here. You might have noticed that now. Jist fuck off ya foosty wee fanny.

Insert tedious (probably nationality-based) insult (oh no sorry, I forgot you're above that, even if using words like 'submoron' and 'monkey boys' might kinda invalidate yer oh-so-high-and-mighty-and-above-the-rest-of-the-pituitary-gland-banging-board-simians-in-the-insult-slinging-stakes theory) here, Tom...sigh...and yet again you fail to mention film or bring a smile to anybody's face...

G.

[Gorillaboss]

Dear TomReedToon:


I tried civility.

I tried logic.

Heck, I even tried stone-cold science.

But, sadly, these efforts have vain, because you're back again with your blatant disregard for the truth.

Perhaps I am to blame. I freely admit that I didn't notice that I needed to reply to your query until 2 days after the fact, so maybe I wasn't punctual enough to get my point across.

Or maybe my thorough, in-depth analysis of your message board behavior (consult http://www.filmthreat.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=36&perpage=15&pagenumber=11 for further details) was too vast in scope? Perhaps there was simply too much information to absorb for someone used to paying attention in only the standard 6-minute increments of your average cartoon.

So maybe a prompt, more succinct reply will sink in where previous efforts failed.

Let's start off with this, the heading to your most recent post:

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
(Sigh)...explaining things to the kids.

You immediately begin with exasperated condescension.

If we surveyed everyone who has followed the saga of your antics, I think an overwhelming majority would say that you've got some nerve. You're the last person on this forum with the the right to be frustrated and/or contemptuous.

Follow the above link to see why.

Moving on...


Originally posted by tomreedtoon
It's all very simple. You insult me. You threaten to throw me off this board (oh, I'm shakin' in my boots). You toss feces in my face.

Tom, Tom, TOM! Please wake up and look around you.

I broke down your (then) 38 posts for a reason, to prove to you, in no uncertain terms, that YOU, sir, are the one who repeatedly launches the first volleys.

You insulted first, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Yes, digs were hurled right back, but that's part and parcel of the cyber-playground, and you're mighty thin-skinned to complain about it (not to mention a hypocrite).

Regarding getting thrown off the board...

In case you hadn't noticed, the overwhelming majority WANTED TO KEEP YOU AROUND. Granted, it wasn't because of your winning personality, but even your most vocal detractors thought booting you would be bad form.

I've been a member of forums that boot people for far less than what you've pulled, good sir, and instead of being grateful or appreciative, you have the gall to slap your SUPPORTERS in the face. These boards are privately owned, and they can treat their sandbox however they see fit, so banning you wouldn't be out of line. But, then again, it wouldn't be necessary if a certain someone had the common sense (and decency) not to piss where others play. And even a cat has the sense to vacate a sandbox once it's crapped in it, Tom, and not use the same place over and over to spread its filth.

And I still maintain that you can become a PRODUCTIVE member of this forum. All it takes is an attitude adjustment on a certain nasty, immature person's part.

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
By asking you to do it in person, to my face, I determine if you are genuine about what you say, or if you're exaggerating the size of your penis, like every submoron in a junior high locker room. And like every bully who's faced with reality, the monkey boys are making excuses and running.

Mr. TomReedToon, I have some questions for you.

#1) Why does all of the effort and responsibility for these confrontations fall on the alleged bullies? I mean, why, in the name of sanity, should any of these alleged bullies spend their time and money to seek you out?

#1a) Why haven't you offered to travel to defend your own honor? You want everyone to come to you--that's not exactly reasonable, is it? I mean, in the real world, the aggrieved party has to take steps to see others are held accountable in civil situations. The legal system doesn't do the work for you...you have to show some initiative, and I sure haven't seen you offer to buy a bus ticket to confab with your detractors.

#2) Even if the alleged bullies met you face-to-face, what, pray tell, would be accomplished? It is patently obvious that written correspondence is next to pointless, so why even bother talking to you face to face? That means debate is right out, so are you expecting fisticuffs?

#2a) Would you want to actually meet someone for the purpose of getting in a brawl? I find this highly doubtful, because of your abhorence for violence. That means fighting's right out.

So, I repeat in bold...What purpose would meeting you serve? It seems like an effort in futility.


Originally posted by tomreedtoon
Y'see, I came here to talk about films. I grew out of talking smack in...let's see...must have been sixth grade. I want an exchange of ideas, not your imagined cleverness. Being king of a hill of insults means nothing.

Tom, Tom, Tom...this would be all well and good if you actually talked about films! You don't--it's as simple as that. You spend most of your time denigrating the audience of this board.

Do you realize how absolutely ridiculous you sound, mentioning "an exchange of ideas" and "smack" and "insults?" I challenge you to go back and read every one of your posts (lord knows that I did) and tell me again about how you want to "exchange ideas" and how you've "[grown] out of talking smack."

If these things are truly what you desire, then you really need some columns by Ms. Manners. Or take a course in remedial English, because you don't know how to communicate what you claim to intend.

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
Maybe where you guys live, sticking shivs into each other is considered a friendly and brotherly gesture - kind of like mutual masturbation. That isn't the way it works at the grownup table.

Again, I'll let your own words do the talking for me. Read them again.

How many UNPROVOKED, UNSOLICITED insults went your way, Tom? How often were your interests belittled, your maturity slighted, and your morality/ethics questioned?

How many. Tell me.

Originally posted by tomreedtoon
I'm still waiting for certain posters to talk about films and stop acting like RE-tards. And I'll drop by the Film Threat booth at San Diego to see if any of you have the courage of what you amusingly call convictions.

You have 40 posts to your name. Re-read the posts you've made.

Compare those to the post counts of the majority on this forum.

Who does all the talking about film, Tom?

Originally posted by tomreedtoon

Oh, and Gorillaboss? I live in Florida. Back in 2000 we learned that votes mean nothing, especially with a corrupt secretary doing the vote-counting. Ook, ook.

OK, so you're at best insulting my intelligence, or at worst calling me corrupt and a liar.

I maintain that numbers don't lie, Tom, and I posted them for YOUR BENEFIT AND YOUR BENEFIT ALONE. I hoped that raw science would maybe make you see that your victimized, babe-in-the-woods martyr act is a crock.

If only for your own peace of mind, and to help you maintian your delusions of sainthood, I'd go back and check my math.

--*--

One final thing before I go, Tom.

Regarding my "imagined cleverness," I think it would me mighty clever if I made some cheap shot linking something "kind of like...masturbation" to a guy who hasn't gotten laid in 27 years because he's such a whiny, socially-maladjusted troglodyte, but I don't think a RE-tard (sic) like me could do such a thing.

[Ellen M.]

BRING ME THE SWORD! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!... NOW!

Shall we do this here, or in San Diego?... Fuggit, at this point, I'll come to your house in Florida & do it there! A little in-home decapitation ought to shut you up... or maybe I should cut off your hands first & make you hemorrage from your sinoid arteries for a bit!... Baron, wet the stone for me...

Ellen-San - Ronin Warrior Goddess
:mad: :mad: :mad:

[Furious D]

Tomreedtoon you poor dumb bastard...

You got Ellen (Warrior Queen of the Midwest) M's dander up.

That's not a bright move.

I could tell you stories of how she handles those who displease her, but some people on this board are of a sensitive temperment and couldn't take the shock & horror of it all.

You're swimming with sharks on this board and you've got a big fat ham hanging off your neck, and I suspect that it's your head.

SAVE YOURSELF!
FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!

Or you can stick around and just keep summoning more abuse upon yourself.

You seem to have a talent for it.

:p
:rolleyes:
:p

[Ellen M.]

Oh Tom....
I've got the blade all nice & sharpened... Can you hear the clicking of my long, well-manicured fingernails, as they rhythmically tap against the Damascus steel?... I'll be there soon, so get your neck & wrists ready, darling! I'll try not to hurt you too much... hope you don't have white walls & carpet... it'll be so messy & I'm out of industrial size plastic sheeting!...

Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha!...

The Impatient Ronin Warrior Princess,
Ellen-San :eek:

[SkippytheMarine]

<coughs> Uh...<coughs> So...<coughs> How's everyone doing? We all getting along? <looks very uncomfortable.> So...I saw F9/11, hated it. Thought it was too...er...Mooreish. Too...extremist for me. That's me, Middle of the Road Skippy.

But Spiderman 2 totally ruled.

Movies?

<Scared of being assassinated...er, of character assassination...not that I have much of a character. Being, I'm new here and all...well not all that new. And I am pretty negative...plus I hate pretty much everything I see...and I do have the tendency to ramble. Big words scare me. My mouse says Dell on it. But it isn't my mouse. It's E!'s mouse. I really want to steal it to give the finger to E!. Fuck E!! Yep, just doing some typing...FUCK, IT'S MY BOSS!!!>

[mondoshane]

Excellent essay on F 9-11!!!:D

[saccharine]

mucho kudos on the article doug.

its pretty rare i laugh out loud while reading articles, but you seem to do it for me everytime.

i have a question to pose...

one thing that really can not be debated

forget bushes business dealings... forget the war in iraq...

why oh why oh why can people not see within 4 minutes of that film that bush should have been impeached, let-go, laid off however the fuck you wanna put it so your precious sensibilities dont have to be bruised? what is the deal with the republicans and the right wing? aside from being typical ideologues, liars, and all that jazz, they are disrespecting and defeating their own system they so love to tout? do they not understand that the way in which bush won in and of itself defies the notion that we live in a democratic society. since iraq supposedly has democracy now. dontcha think maybe we should have our turn now governor bush?

i dont know about you people but as a libertarian who will be voting for Kerry (and no i dont particularly like the guy) i sure as shit the miss the days when we at least could bitch and moan about the leader of the greatest country in the world knowing they were actually chosen by the majority.

[bronsonseven]

Good article Doug.

And yes, the days are missed when we could bitch about our leaders that actually got the position the correct way.

[unlickedcub]

Very nice article!

[The Baron]

Originally posted by bronsonseven
And yes, the days are missed when we could bitch about our leaders that actually got the position the correct way.

I miss the days when we could bitch about a leader, and not have to worry that some goon from the Homeland Security Dept. would be breaking down our doors at 4 am to cart us away to the Guantanamo Gulag.

[SkippytheMarine]

As a member of the so-called right winged, lying, Republican bastards that everyone here is so fond of making fun of, I think that I should make a quick rebuttal...hehe...butt.

Sorry.

We republicans are all about one thing, getting rid of your freedoms! That is our main agenda. We want nothing more than to turn this place into a police state where no one has the right to do things, like speak your mind, own a fire arm, or weapon of any kind for that matter, smoke, drink, eat bad foods, and to drive while listening to the radio. We definately all lie about all things. Because all of us, all 30-40% of the nation are owners of big business, and wish that no one else had any jobs or money for that matter. If anything we would like to go back to slavery, because we now realize what a mistake it was to found a party on abolitionist ideals.

Also, as a republican, I hate everyone who isn't a WASP. Which means, since I am a Catholic/Jew European mutt, I have no choice but to hate myself. And before we go and jump off of the deep end about impeaching the president, I think, as a member of the Republican party, that it is prudent to talk about the things he and his family did that falls out of line of our lying, cheating, racist ideals.

His family, and President Bush himself, had the audacity to sink a buttload of money into the NAACP. In fact, If I remember it correctly, President Bush's grandfather, Herbert Bush, was the largest provider of money and grants to the NAACP. That's weird. That is very unRepublican to try and support a group that would promote Equality and freedoms.

As to impeaching Bush himself. I think it should be mentioned that he did lie about the WMD's. He definately lied about them. He told America about them, and then when we couldn't find them, well, it certainly was his fault. Because, as we all know. Bush personally went over all of the Tons and Tons of intelligence himself. He created his own intelligence agency, bypassing all of the normal channels of information gathering, and completely spit in the face of convention. In fact, I once heard that he himself was a spy in Iraq prior to the war. Because he certainly didn't trust the conclusions of the CIA, FBI, DIA, NSA, GRE, MI5, MI6, or the Mussad. No sir. He did all of the work himself.

Finally, there is this whole idea that he is a totalitarian fascist that wants nothing more than to control the media and what people say. Well, that is not true, because, again, he has turned his back on the Republican party. We want nothing more than to make everyone think the way we do. If anything, Prime Minister Putin of Russia is more Republican than our president. In fact, PM Putin has complete and total control over the media in Russia. Nothing can be said there that he doesn't like. It is kind of weird that with such a low approval rating, he keeps winning reelection by landslide each year.

So, as a member of the Republican Party, a card carrying one at that, from the midwest, who gets scared of these new fangled ideas. I'm really not capable of caring for myself, you see. I need people from other places, especially from coastal cities, to tell me what to do. I guess the ocean increases brain power, or something. As a member of the Grand Ol' Party, I agree that Bush should be impeached. Because he has possibly broken countless laws. He has probably caused the economy to go into recession before he was elected, and it is the thought that he will not win in November that has caused such tremendous job growth and economic expansion. It is his fault that France was taking bribes from Saddam in the oil-for-food fiasco. It was because of him that the most powerful news paper in the world is very liberal.

And finally, as to Michael Moore narrating Bush's thoughts on 9/11. President Bush was thinking what everyone else was thinking there. He wasn't thinking like a Republican, that's for sure. Because Mr. Moore pretty much hit the nail on the head. I was thinking about the connection between the Saudi Royal Family and my own. No, Mr. Bush was probably thinking something more like "Oh my god...oh my god...oh my god..."

Thank you for your support. And please, vote for Skippy the Marine for Senate.

<giving the peace sign> V is for victory.

[judex]

Hey Skippy,

Glad you finally fessed up. Now if the Republicans would only admit to sending Monica in (an obvious Republican plant) after spiking Clinton's Malt O'Meal with viagra.

Still waiting for you to confess that all Republicans are pawns of Satan, while invoking the Christian god. Liberals have known for years that Bush worships Astoroth and really wants to suck the souls of the innocent in some obscure, but powerful, ancient Illuminati sacrificial rite that will bring on 5000 years of darkness.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by judex
Still waiting for you to confess that all Republicans are pawns of Satan, while invoking the Christian god. Liberals have known for years that Bush worships Astoroth and really wants to suck the souls of the innocent in some obscure, but powerful, ancient Illuminati sacrificial rite that will bring on 5000 years of darkness.

Actually, they had to give up that plan, Astoroth was making too much money managing the career of Marylin Manson to bother with the Republicans.

Undaunted they have moved onto a new plan that would end with the world being transformed into the terrible
PLANET OF
THE APES!
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

And in a bit of Republican/Bush family trivia, Bush's Granpa Prescott Bush is alleged to have stolen the skull of Geronimo and brought it back to Skull & Bones HQ. There the skull of Geronimo works as maitre'd and occassionally offers romantic advice to lovelorn Bonesmen.:rolleyes:

[The Baron]

Just to get this straight, Astaroth did not reach the status of a male demon until the Medieval Period.

Prior to that, She was known only as a goddess of love, like Venus/Aphrodite, and Her correct name is Astarte (also known as Ashera, Ishtar or Inanna.)

You can thank the Catholic Church for yet again turning the gods of the old religions into their demons.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by The Baron
I miss the days when we could bitch about a leader, and not have to worry that some goon from the Homeland Security Dept. would be breaking down our doors at 4 am to cart us away to the Guantanamo Gulag.

You Yankees should try Canada.

One CBC correspondent was covering the unlawful and excessive abuse of protestors at a summit meeting had his e-mail tapped and used by the government as an excuse to demote him to covering Vancouver's criminal court. His sin was that he talked about the government in an unflattering way while trying to win the confidence of a source.

Another journalist for the Ottawa Citizen had her home and office raided by the RCMP. Their reason, she uncovered some embarassing facts about how the government bungled a case and got an apparently innocent computer salesmen deported to Syria, and they wanted to find out how she found out how bad they screwed the pooch. If the FBI raided the home and office of a Washington Post columnist, there'd be hell to pay in the media. Here it gets about ten minutes of coverage and is then forgotten.

And you can't count the number of reporters and editors who were fired or forced to resign from various newspapers and TV stations across Canada for the sin of criticizing the ruling party.

And our ruling party calls itself the Liberal Party, isn't that ironic.

And they were re-elected, isn't that pathetic.

[SkippytheMarine]

Okay, I will not admit that President Bush worships Astoroth. That is just not true, and I would kindly thank you to stop making such sweeping statements about our President.

In fact President Bush, and all Republicans in general, worship the Pagan god Jeff, the god of biscuits. If you think back, Republicans have existed at all times of Human history. Sure we have had different names at different times: the Romans, the Macedonians, the Hithites, the Meiji Zaibatsu, and etc. But each of these groups had one thing in common, a love of buttermilk biscuits. Every single one of them was absolutely crazy about them. I have no idea why, it just is a fact of life for Republicans.

So if you understand that, then everything that we do is to either prop up the Buttermilk Biscuit industry, or to force other nations to eat them in mass quantities. Why did President Bush go to war with Iraq? Biscuits. He realized that if the Iraqi people could only take a savory bite of the warm, buttery, flaky biscuit, then all hostilities would end, as long as a stable supply chain could be created.

President Clinton was violently opposed to biscuits. He was lactose intolerant , you see. He tried to keep that under wraps, but Republicans can just tell about someone. I can look at someone and just go "Lactose Intolerant! Give him milk!" So we had to get him out of office, because he was trying to stem the flow of the world-wide biscuit conspiracy. We had no choice.

I do appologize for any problems that my party may have caused. If you would just eat your effing biscuits then we wouldn't have these problems.

HAIL JEFF, GOD OF BISCUITS!!!!!!!!!

[Gorillaboss]

Normally I find Mr. Brunell's venomous columns to be refreshing, but this time he's gone too far. I've lived through porn theatres, naked nazis, and hunchbacked midgets, so I thought I could handle anything, but this time he crosses the line.

The offending Mr. Brunell states that when it comes to movies like "Ernest Goes to Jail,...there's no artistic merit to these films."

With that one statement, any credibility he garnered as a film journalist went right out the proverbial window.

To consider Ernest Goes to Jail anything less than a timeless classic is tantamount to heresy. The film documents the heartwrenching travails of an innocent man-child forced to undo the criminal machinations of his own twisted doppelganger. The humble and lowly Ernest battles alone not only against the assembled forces of the entire world, but also his own ID made manifest. Ernest Goes to Jail is a glorious paean about one man out to reclaim his innocence, his life, and--lo--his very soul.

Plus, it's totally awesome when Ernest gets electrical superpowers and starts flying around and blasting stuff.

That Varney was denied the 1990 Oscar that year for the grueling task of portraying both Joseph Campbellian archetype Ernest P. Worrell and his degenerate duplicate Felix Nash was a crime against culture.

I know there are people out there who agree with me about Ernest being an icon of our collective myth. Where's TomReedToon when I need him?

[saccharine]

i love all of you

[bronsonseven]

Just when I thought the world was robbed of all things Van Damme, Doug comes out of the storm, hand full of gifts.

Keep the Excess Hollywood alive my friend!

And, shit on him if you must, but I find Hard Target to be a fine piece of Saturday Action Cinema. Nothing like seeing a slow motion Claude standing on top of a motorcyle, mullet flapping and everything.

[El Duderino Diablo]

Originally posted by bronsonseven

And, shit on him if you must, but I find Hard Target to be a fine piece of Saturday Action Cinema. Nothing like seeing a slow motion Claude standing on top of a motorcyle, mullet flapping and everything.

I have to admit to a longing to procure a copy of the Japanese cut of Hard Target. Twice the violence! Twice the character developement! Twice the greasy, flapping mullet!
Oh yeah. That'd be sweet.

[Ellen M.]

I know I'm taking this off topic a bit, but did anyone actually go to the recent San Diego ComiCon?... Just curious if our pal tomreedtoon (remember him & his vitriolic posts here on this thread?) ever collected on that ass kicking he so richly deserved... he might've been hard to spot in that Buzz Lightyear costume, though!...

Ellen :)

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Just curious if our pal tomreedtoon (remember him & his vitriolic posts here on this thread?) ever collected on that ass kicking he so richly deserved... he might've been hard to spot in that Buzz Lightyear costume, though!...

I dunno. Might have been easy to spot with his Mommy holding his hand and telling him not to talk to strangers.

[bronsonseven]

Rory, I think you just described both TomReed and BleedingMetal. Both which seemed to have found better homes on the world wide web. And both, which will not be missed from here.

[Ellen M.]

Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, they'll be back... just like cockroaches after a nuclear winter!

BTW - Nice Paul Ruebens pic!
Ellen :)

[bronsonseven]

Thanks, although he does look incredibly scary in a bizarre, child molesting way.

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
BTW - Nice Paul Ruebens pic!
Ellen :)

I thought that was a picture of Tomreedtoon...

[Ellen M.]

Wait a minute!... D has a point... Tomreedtoon does live in Florida, so maybe he was the one that posed as Pee Wee & got busted for wanking in the porn theatre... thus tarnishing Paul Rubens reputation!

And just for the record, I would've paid serious dough to see someone go medieval on his ass at the ComiCon! That would've been quite a show!

Ellen :)

[Rory L. Aronsky]

And just for the record, I would've paid serious dough to see someone go medieval on his ass at the ComiCon! That would've been quite a show!

I dunno, Ellen. I think I would have paid dough to see you go medieval on him, because judging from what I read about the what went on at Comic-Con, I would have rather emptied my wallet than gotten blood on my hands. Yes, the wailing of a kinda-sorta-man deserving of an ass-whooping would be satisfying, but man did it look like they had some sweet stuff there.

[Ellen M.]

"Ellen the Tomreedtoon Slayer"... kinda has a nice ring to it! But, wouldn't you be mortified if a GIRL kicked your ass in front of hundreds of ComiCon geeks?... It's actually making me laugh right now...

Don't encourage me Rory!
Ellen ;)

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Ellen M.
But, wouldn't you be mortified if a GIRL kicked your ass in front of hundreds of ComiCon geeks?
Ellen ;)

I think it depends on the girl.

When I was a snot nosed kid, I knew a girl who could toss a 100 lb bale of hay like it was a box of tissue.

And she looked like she could have been on Baywatch. Which made her freakish physical strength both terrifying and kinda erotic....

...Ah, what was I saying....

...my mind kind of drifted off...

:rolleyes:

Damn, I'm such a post slut.:p

And Ellen forget about Tomreedtoon. If he should pop up on the forum again, (like cyberspace herpes) then we'll put the virtual smackdown on him and revel in his lamentations of agony!

What was the topic again...?

Mullets?