The Return of the Frigid 50

[Eric Campos]

It's that time again. It's time for us to call out the coldest people in Hollywood for the year. While publications like "Entertainment Weekly" and "Premiere" assemble their lists of the most powerful, we put together our list of the most worthless. It's a rough job, but someone has to do it.
Compiled by the Film Threat Staff, look for the 2003 Frigid 50 hitting the Film Threat site later this week. Find out who's the most frigid this year!

[Furious D]

When I saw your posting for the Frigid 50 one name immediately sprung to mind. ASHTON KUTCHER.

Sure he's on every tabloid cover, and is on tv at least 12 times a day, mostly because he's Demi Moore's boy-toy du jour, & every studio suit is scrambling to get him in their projects, but have any of his movies actually made any money?

That Boss's Daughter flick got truckloads of hype then vanished faster than the dignity of a Jerry Springer guest. Maybe he should just stick to playing Kelso on That 70's Show.

He's getting all the offers because of the concept of name recognition. Studio suits think that's all you need to have a hit, but it takes a lot more than that to get people to invest their time and money and plant their bums on theater seats. Charles Manson has name recognition, but I'm not going to cast him as the lead in a romantic comedy.

What Hollywood needs to do is a real hardcore study of who or what actually gets bums on seats. Ditch focus groups, which I believe to be the bastard spawn of Lucifer, and look at the only concrete thing in Hollywood. Box-Office reciepts. I'll bet dollars to donuts that 90% of 'A-List' stars are only on the A-List because they're on a lot of magazine covers and not selling tickets.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Charles Manson in a romantic comedy....hmmmm. Quick! Someone think up a snappy title and get me a director that's just as psychotic! Forget the script; we have Charles Manson!

And I'm spent.

[El Duderino Diablo]

I'd shell out some coin to see Chuck Manson in a romantic comedy.

[Momentarylogic]

yea, it would be great if the 'untitled manson comedy' just used old stock footage of him in prison. and the actors had to work around it. nice

[Furious D]

Titles for a Charles Manson Romantic Comedy:

[list=1]
When Charlie Met Sally
It Runs in the Manson Family
The Outlaw In-Law
My Heart's All Helter Skelter (possible title song by Celine Dion)
Love Comes to Cell-Block D
[/list=1]

Here's the plot: Sally Hufnagle (Kate Hudson) is a lonely career girl working for the California prison system. She falls for Charlie's charm and carved swastika forehead. But she's already engaged to Warden Seymour Haas (Bill Pullman) will she follow her heart? Or will Charlie cut it out of her chest and feed it to his pet rat Rizzo (Sir Anthony Hopkins)? Cast Rosie (I need $100 mil) O'Donnell as the shrill & pushy best friend and get Rob Reiner to direct, he could use the work.

It's got hit written all over it. Well, it's got something all over it, and it rhymes with hit.

PS: When did this become the topic?

[Rory L. Aronsky]

It became the topic the moment you mentioned that you wouldn't cast Charles Manson in a romantic comedy.

Also, you've got the director all wrong. This needs to be a co-directing effort by two Davids....David Fincher and David Lynch. Ok, it may be a romantic comedy, but who says it can't be a romantic comedy with a complete mind-fuck thrown in for good measure?

[Furious D]

Originally posted by Rory L. Aronsky
you've got the director all wrong. This needs to be a co-directing effort by two Davids....David Fincher and David Lynch. Ok, it may be a romantic comedy, but who says it can't be a romantic comedy with a complete mind-fuck thrown in for good measure?

I wrote that piece to show how a studio suit would think. You know, satire?

Sadly, no studio exec would ever consider David Lynch. Just another injustice at the hands of the Hollywood turdpile.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Sorry about that. I was just engulfed in my way of thinking, which believes that Rob Reiner should never be hired again until he can atone for his sins by having Aaron Sorkin write him another script or something of that nature.

[Furious D]

I'm just ribbin' ya Rory L.

I think that this whole Manson Romantic Comedy should be it's own thread. It's certainly developed a life beyond the Frigid 50. What do you others think? I'm sure the poor bastard who started the frigid 50 thread would be glad to see this topic moved.

[Eric Campos]

As much as this poor bastard loves the work of Charles Manson, yes, it is true, perhaps we should move this Manson fan club to another thread.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Yeah, I do agree with that. And besides, I don't think a new thread will be necessary because we've mentally masturbated all we could over this idea.

[Ellen M.]

Hey Guys!
I LOVED this year's list! Some excellent choices & snarky comments, especially about that ass Richard Roeper! Sorry to see Jerry O'Connell in there, but what are you gonna do?

Keep up the brilliant work!
EM

[El Duderino Diablo]

CTV national news just mentioned the list reminding me to look it over and what an excellent list it is. Any chance Jack Valenti will take the suggested advice to heart? :D

[Rory L. Aronsky]

From your mouth to the movie gods' ears.

[Ellen M.]

Yesterday I noticed an AP mention of the "Frigid 50" on my Netscape homepage... Kewl!

Yeah, I hope Valenti finally realizes it's time to hang it up! And maybe that ass Richard Roeper will wake up & realize that NOBODY gives a shit about what he has to say... about ANYTHING!

Ellen :)

[I See Movies]

Why isn't Tarantino on this list?

[Ellen M.]

Good question!
Anyone?...

[mruzick3]

Great list! Vincent Gallo's appearance is long overdue. I've been annoyed by him ever since 'Buffalo 66' was heralded as the best thing since 'She's So Lovely.' While we're at it where was Chloë Sevigny on the list? Maybe next year.

_________________________
Mike Ruzicka

[valenabot]

Frigid 50 is my favorite list of the year, but this year there were a few people so far past their prime they don't even deserve recognition, to name a few- Courtney Love, Skeet Ulrich, and Woody Allen whose movies suck so badly his NAME was not even mentioned in the ad campaign for "Anything Else"

It's about time someone faced the fact that Steve Martin/Eddie Murphy/Robin Williams have been pumping a steady shit stream of celluloid since 1989, thank you!

And as a member of a younger generation, a "Manson romantic comedy" had better be starring Marilyn Manson, because isn't Charles Manson dead?

[BuckyMcSatan]

I still can't get enough of this line...

"The Miramax honcho goes after Academy Awards with the same grace and finesse of the Cookie Monster going after a plate of Oreos..."

Oh makes me laugh every time I read it gosh darn it! Hee heeee...

[Furious D]

:confused: What happened to Miramax?

It used to be cool, independent, and adventurous. It used to give indie films a chance at a decent release. Now they're just another Disney brand like the Lion King.

Like all Disney brands I'm waiting for McDonalds to come out with Harvey Weinstein collectible toys for the Happy Meal. You can get:

Oscar Action Harvey Comes with his reflexive Oscar grabbing action, more deadly than a kung-fu grip.

Media Magnet Harvey Put him in front of a camera and he won't stop yakking about what a great producer he is.

"For Your Consideration" Harvey This one is for Academy members and anyone who might read Variety. He just shows up and won't leave you alone until you give him a trophy. Then he'll shut up for exactly two minutes, and then start demanding another trophy for another movie you probably haven't seen.

Serious Film Distributor Harvey, no wait, that one's been discontinued, orders from Disney head office.

There once was a time when his campaigning was just considered good showmanship. That was back in the day when Miramax released many Oscar worthy projects. Now, their films aren't cutting the mustard and the constant Oscar whoring has become both annoying and sad.

Maybe with the Holiday season coming up he'll get a visit from the Ghosts of Oscars Past, Present and Future, and they'll straighten him out.

PS: To Valenabot; Charles Manson is still alive, and as well as he could be, in the California Prison System.

[Spectaclegrinde]

Some people in "Hollywood" or whatever are just great self-marketers, but not even middling talents. Hell, Carrot Top has a career. Think about THAT. It's easy to hate (or just dislike the public attention pointed at) no-talent hanger's-on like Chloe Svegny or Courtney Love, because they suck. No one cares about Svegney's "acting" they care about how much skin she shows. The real heartbreaker, for me is talented people who just... lost it.

Woody Allen used to be an idol of mine. I think about genius work like "Love and Death" (My favorite of his films), "Annie Hall" or "Mannhattan," and then, you see what he's coming out with now... I stopped going. Haven't seen an Allen picture in the theater since "Deconstructing Harry." And that one was a darker take on the much better "Stardust Memories."

I hate to say it, but I wish he would just stop. Coppola knows he sucks now, so he pays attention to his vinyard instead of making more crap like "Jack." Hmmm... how can we maybe hook Woody up with a plot of land and some grapes?

[Ellen M.]

Gotta agree with the comments on Woody Allen (or as Howard Stern calls him "Wood Yee" - heh!). He jumped the shark YEARS ago, but has steadily been churning out crap ever since. His shtick is just played out, and the guy really needs to hang it up. I hate to say that his freaky personal life affected my opinion of him, since he was on my top 10 directors list, but it's obvious that marrying his adopted daughter, combined with a lifetime of therapy STILL hasn't made the guy a better person!

Although, I challenge any of the hot, young directors out there to top the "Annie Hall" lobster scene!

Ellen ;)

[Spectaclegrinde]

A common thread in a lot of the Frigid 50 list seems to be that we're hearing more about a lot of actors/public personae's personal lives than we are about their talents. (Woody Allen, I'm looking in your direction). In cases like Courtney Love, there's not much to write about if you concentrate on her "acting" or her music (her only listenable record is obviously her former husband's work, with his lyric phrasing, chord changes and imagery throughout). We hear so much about Weinstein and Miramax, but it's mostly for award grabs and powerplays. Everyone's got their publicists in a flurry of activity, but there's not a lot of good work to back it up.

I love movies. No, seriously, I *love* the movies, always have. At their best they're these public, shared dreams (and nightmares), an art form that transcends language and culture...

And we use them to tell the classic stories Scooby-Doo 2, Charlie's Angels 2, Attack of the Clones and, God save us all, Freddy Vs. Jason.

The only good thing I have to say about movies this year is that I've saved a lot more money than usual, and I've caught up on some classic cinema of the past that I hadn't seen, and read some really good books. Check out Samuel Fuller's "The Third Face" for a great autobiography, BTW.

[Dr Creep]

Check out the link below. There was a time when David Lynch was a total leper in Hollywood. I even remember EW doing a five-year anniversary issue, and they had a sidebar in which they lamented the "mistakes" they made in the past. One of which was David Lynch, who they labeled a has-been, "the Tarantino of his day." Thank god things have turned around for Lynch since then. I just hope he makes another movie soon!

http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/page/0,11456,1082823,00.html

[Aetius]

The problem with this list is that on at least two of the 'frigid' the editors confuse their own opinion for that of everyone else.

1. Mel Gibson: They wonder about the film and then say 'from what we hear' the criticisms are justified. Exactly what and from whom have they heard? Its true that so far the audiences have been mostly believers, and as such the consensus from them is that the movie is powerful and moving, and that it is not anti-Semetic. Even among the critics who have seen it, the most they can say is that it may fuel anti-Semetism in some, but they won't call the film itself anti-Semetic.

So what exactly have you heard, FilmThreat people? And who did you hear it from?

If this movie was more like 'The Last Temptation of Christ' which presented a very un-Gospel like view of Jesus Christ, then FilmThreat wouldn't have a problem with it. Instead of attacking the film and its director, they would be attacking the evangelical Protestants and the devout Catholics who would be protesting. But since this is a movie that will no doubt please conservative Christians, then there must be something wrong with it in the minds of left-wingers like the editors of FilmThreat and anti defamation league president Abe Foxman.

And speaking of Foxman, if he were really concerned about threats towards Jewish people then he would focus on the obvous--- fundamental Islam and its mostly Arab practitioners---instead of needlessly pissing off Christians who are supporters of Israel. There will be no 'Passion' fueled violence towards the Jewish community from true Christians, but Palestinian Arabs will merrily go on their way of blowing up innocent Israelis with or without this movie. Foxman needs to get a clue and wake up.

So basically, FilmThreat is calling Mel Gibson 'worthless' for daring to make a movie that presents a faithful interpretation of Jesus Christ's last 12 hours on Earth. I wonder if they'll do the same for Michael Moore's next leftwing-distort the truth-piece of shit?

2. George Lucas: I don't want to debate the merits of the prequels, I could go on myself for a long time about the wasted opportunity that was The Phantom Menace. But in the Frigid list they say the 'intensely negative critical and popular reaction to the prequels.' The implication of this of course is that this negative reaction was the consensus, that it was ubiquitous and universal. Now to be fair, its undeniable that many critics and many moviegoers hate these movies, but there is no evidence to suggest that it is a majority opinon. In fact, Rotten Tomatoes survey shows that about 60% of critics have at least marginally positive views towards them, while Cinemascore and studio polling of audiences showed mostly good reactions for both Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. I don't want to believe that myself for Phantom Menace, but its true. Pretending otherwise won't change it, yet that's precisely what these guys do.

The Star Wars brand name will only go so far. There is no way that these movies could have done as well as they have without a positive reaction from most who have seen them.

[Spectaclegrinde]

Hmmm... this is turning into the list thread, not just Frigid 5-0.

Dr. Creep: Thanks for posting that link. Innnnteresting list. I liked them making no bones about why they put Lynch at the top. I'll confess to being a fairly devout fan of Lynch's... and I'll follow that up by voicing my deep dissapointment in "Mollholland Dr," which struck me as Lynch backtracking and repeating a mish-mash of his previous images, motifs and ideas. Dissapointing from an artist who had never befor paused to let the world catch up to him. I'm not saying it's a bad flick, I'm just saying I'd rather have Lynch blaze a trail than double back to where he was a decade ago.

I do look forward to his work in the future, as always...

[Phil Hall]

Originally posted by Aetius
So basically, FilmThreat is calling Mel Gibson 'worthless' for daring to make a movie that presents a faithful interpretation of Jesus Christ's last 12 hours on Earth. I wonder if they'll do the same for Michael Moore's next leftwing-distort the truth-piece of shit?


I am not certain how "faithful" this interpretation is going to be. I've not seen the film, but from the trailer and the stills that I've seen it appears that the film is veering somewhat from what is written in the four Gospels.

By concentrating solely on the last 12 hours of Jesus' life, the film takes His arrest, imprisonment, torture and execution completely out of content and context. It focuses on the Jews being the main force behind His demise, ignoring that the Jews were also the main audience for His ministry. It also erases the biggest contradiction of the New Testament: how was it that Jesus was welcomed by the masses when he arrived in Jerusalem but was condemned by the same masses a week later? (There is an explanation which I will provide privately to anyone who is interested.)

I know that Gibson has goofed in one key element (having the Romans speaking Latin, when the lingua franca of the day was Greek) and that he has put an excessive amount of time into recreating the manner in which Jesus was tortured prior to the Crucifixion (although the details of this torture are not recorded in the Gospels).

If the film ends with the death of Jesus and does not include the Resurrection, then the film has wasted everyone's time and has totally missed the point of the Gospels.

I am curious to see if Gibson knows his Bible well enough to include an incident during the last 12 hours of Jesus' life which very few people know about. There was exactly one person who made an effort to save His life during the last 12 hours, and it was a very unlikely person at that. If Gibson includes that person in his film, I will be highly impressed. And if anyone here knows who that person is, please feel free to show off your Bible smarts!:D

[Pete Vonder Haar]

>"So basically, FilmThreat is calling Mel Gibson 'worthless' for >daring to make a movie that presents a faithful interpretation of >Jesus Christ's last 12 hours on Earth. I wonder if they'll do the >same for Michael Moore's next leftwing-distort the truth-piece of >shit?

We went one better, Brad Slager wrote a whole article about it:

http://www.filmthreat.com/Features.asp?Id=628

As for Lucas, if you take Rotten Tomatoes "cream of the crop" section, which only considers reviews from major media outlets (and not personal web sites, zines, and yes, Film Threat), "Episode I" receives a rotten rating of 40% and "Episode II" a rotten rating of 39%.

"Intensely negative" does not at all imply "ubiquitous." What it does imply is that negative reaction was *extremely* negative, while positive reaction was muted and qualified. Find a good review of "Phantom Menace" that doesn't still find major faults.

Pete

[Plot Thinner]

I personally feel that the listing of Tim Burton as one of the fifty frigid is absolutely unfounded, especially now that he's completed BIG FISH. Seriously, I don't know why he had to be in there, but it certainly made me take offense to it. Tim Burton, just as an artist, has always been influentially significant. Perhaps not to the people who focus narrowly down the long plastic hallway, littered with mink lined corpses (Hollywood), but certainly to those who are in touch with his work and relate to his art. I strongly suggest removing his name completely from the list and replacing him with someone like Matthew Barney. I request that the person(s) who placed his name on the list, please remove him immediately, put somebody else in his place and go watch BIG FISH.

[Ellen M.]

How can anyone dispute that Mel Gibson's recent films have sucked? Who actually liked "Signs" & "When we Were Soldiers"? I was forced to see each of them & fell asleep during both!

Sounds like we need a new thread devoted to the passion about "The Passion"! Thanks Phil for your comments on the film & JC. It's clearly a "hot button" issue for Jews & Christians alike, but it seems to me Mel hasn't handled things very well. He HAD to realize that his film was going to stir up the "anti-semitism" (correct spelling FYI) pot, especially when he clearly omitted any prominent Jewish leaders from his early screenings to Catholic groups.

Even if Mel's take on the last 12 hours of JC's life isn't historically accurate, I'm all for free speech (especially the use of Latin vs Greek), first amendment rights & not censoring "creative expression". Because in the end, the big critic upstairs will ultimately judge him, not us!

Ellen ;)