Is Star Wars Nothing but Nambla Propaganda?

[brad laidman]

Is Star Wars Nothing but Nambla Propaganda?

Warning the following essay has tons of Episode III spoilers in it proceed at your own risk.



Please don’t shoot me I’m just the messenger. I want it known up front that I have nothing at all against homosexuality, I am not pushing a homophobic agenda, I am merely interpreting the film that I have just witnessed and the messages seem pretty obvious to me.

The doomed heroes of the Star Wars franchise are the Jedi Warriors; we know this because they stick to the good side of the force and avoid the evil dark side. After seeing Episode III it becomes all too apparent that the dark side is heterosexuality. The Jedi are at best homosexual or asexual, at worst it seems pretty clear that they may be pedophiles. I know that this sounds like blasphemy, but please hear me out.

No Jedi are married not Yoda, not Obi Wan, not badass Mace Windu, they don’t even have girlfriends. Additionally, there is not one female Jedi. There is in fact an overwhelming lack of females in the entire movie if not the entire series. The Jedi spend all their time amongst themselves “training” by battling with their obviously phallic light sabers. When Obi Wan recruits young Anakin Skywalker by separating him from his natural mother, he is initially told that he is too young. They fear that he will reject their affection for young boys and rat them out to the rest of the heterosexual republic.

Crisis occurs when Skywalker marries Padme and impregnates her. This should be the most normal thing in the world shouldn’t it? Instead we are told that it would mean banishment from the Jedi for Anakin. When Anakin goes to Yoda, for help, Yoda comes right out and says that love is nothing but the dark side of the force. Anakin’s heterosexuality is a complete anathema to the Jedi way. In fact, Episode III is nothing but a love triangle between Padme and Obi Wan for Anakin’s affections. Anakin quickly learns that the only way to protect his heterosexuality is to align himself with Darth Sidius, who promises Anakin that he can protect the life of his true love Padme. This is unacceptable to the Jedi, who go to overwhelming lengths to combat Sirius’ attempt to save their love. When Anakin, finally chooses heterosexuality, his first action is to kill the young boys being “trained” by the Jedi. They have been polluted by the Jedi and must die in order to stop the abnormal chain of pedophilia. Enraged by this, Obi Wan cuts off Anakin’s body at the waist making it impossible for him to ever love another woman again. His final words being something along the lines of I loved you, you ruined everything. This is not my view it’s all there in the film.

As a reward for his service to the slain Jedi, Yoda promises to reunite Obi Wan with his original master, when he was “initiated,” the dead Qui-Gon Jinn. It boggles the mind what kind of relationship ship Obi Wan has with a dead guy for the next nineteen years, but that’s where Lucas leads us.

Think about all six movies. Only one character ever had any notions of sexuality, Han Solo. Han Solo, by his name does not hang around with packs of other men, much less boys. He does hang with a big gorilla looking thing, but I don’t really even want to go there. Despite Solo’s bravery and skill, he is never asked to become a Jedi. In fact, his aid to the Jedi, who he seems to regard as a bunch of weirdoes, is really only an excuse to woo Leia. I’m not sure what he’s worried about because clearly, by the lack of women around, the Jedi have no interest whatsoever.

Hey, if this is Lucas coming out so be it, but don’t ignore the propaganda. Although most of us who go to enjoy the special effects and the eye candy ignore the underlying themes, think about who the hardcore fans of the movies are. You know the ones who camp out for weeks dressed up like freaks to receive the latest word from their master. They are predominantly young males, who have nearly no contact with anyone of the female gender. Coincidence, I doubt it.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

This is not my view it’s all there in the film.
Apparently it is your view since you've thought it through this far. Some people see it simply as a fun action flick, some see it as a major contribution to the Star Wars universe, some see it as a railing against Bush, and you see it as this.

They are predominantly young males, who have nearly no contact with anyone of the female gender.
Very true. But just because someone doesn't have contact with anyone of the female gender doesn't mean they don't have a life. I am a predominantly young male, I have nearly no contact with anyone of the female gender that isn't my Mom or sister, but I choose to be that way. I like it that way because I like watching movies.

[brad laidman]

Heh, I will say that all the people I saw at the midnight showing I went to seemed pretty happy with their lives. Maybe Yoda is right and the Jedi way of abstinence is the way to happiness.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Maybe Yoda is right and the Jedi way of abstinence is the way to happiness.

And copious masturbation. :rolleyes:

And don't forget. Some of that crowd may have gotten laid after the film. Possibly very surprising considering what you might have seen of that crowd, but it's not all abstinence and bibles.

[brad laidman]

We did our best to look for cute chicks. Sadly, there were a couple but far less than the number of Wookies.

No real offense to Star Wars fans I'm just having fun. We're all dorks finding our own similar dorks to hang out with. If you saw the stuff I tivo I'd have to leave the country for a couple of years out of embarrassment.

Nevertheless Yoda's arms don't look long enough to me to facilitate masturbation - I know I'm something of an expert on the subject.

[Rory L. Aronsky]

Nevertheless Yoda's arms don't look long enough to me to facilitate masturbation - I know I'm something of an expert on the subject.

You think about Yoda's arms when you do that shit? You sick fuck! :D

[Furious D]

Nevertheless Yoda's arms don't look long enough to me to facilitate masturbation - I know I'm something of an expert on the subject.

Does this have something to do with the stuff you tivo? :p

But back on topic...

While cruising the various political bloggers I came across a tongue in cheek article written after the release of Episode 2, about how the Galactic Empire were the real good guys.

It's quoted here:

The Case for the Empire:Everything you think you know about Star Wars is wrong.
by Jonathan V. Last

STAR WARS RETURNS today with its fifth installment, "Attack of the Clones." There will be talk of the Force and the Dark Side and the epic morality of George Lucas's series. But the truth is that from the beginning, Lucas confused the good guys with the bad. The deep lesson of Star Wars is that the Empire is good.

It's a difficult leap to make--embracing Darth Vader and the Emperor over the plucky and attractive Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia--but a careful examination of the facts, sorted apart from Lucas's off-the-shelf moral cues, makes a quite convincing case.

First, an aside: For the sake of this discussion, I've considered only the history gleaned from the actual Star Wars films, not the Expanded Universe. If you know what the Expanded Universe is and want to argue that no discussion of Star Wars can be complete without considering material outside the canon, that's fine. However, it's always been my view that the comic books and novels largely serve to clean up Lucas's narrative and philosophical messes. Therefore, discussions of intrinsic intent must necessarily revolve around the movies alone. You may disagree, but please don't e-mail me about it.

If you don't know what the Expanded Universe is, well, uh, neither do I.

I. The Problems with the Galactic Republic

At the beginning of the Star Wars saga, the known universe is governed by the Galactic Republic. The Republic is controlled by a Senate, which is, in turn, run by an elected chancellor who's in charge of procedure, but has little real power.

Scores of thousands of planets are represented in the Galactic Senate, and as we first encounter it, it is sclerotic and ineffectual. The Republic has grown over many millennia to the point where there are so many factions and disparate interests, that it is simply too big to be governable. Even the Republic's staunchest supporters recognize this failing: In "The Phantom Menace," Queen Amidala admits, "It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions." In "Attack of the Clones," young Anakin Skywalker observes that it simply "doesn't work."

The Senate moves so slowly that it is powerless to stop aggression between member states. In "The Phantom Menace" a supra-planetary alliance, the Trade Federation (think of it as OPEC to the Galactic Republic's United Nations), invades a planet and all the Senate can agree to do is call for an investigation.

Like the United Nations, the Republic has no armed forces of its own, but instead relies on a group of warriors, the Jedi knights, to "keep the peace." The Jedi, while autonomous, often work in tandem with the Senate, trying to smooth over quarrels and avoid conflicts. But the Jedi number only in the thousands--they cannot protect everyone.

What's more, it's not clear that they should be "protecting" anyone. The Jedi are Lucas's great heroes, full of Zen wisdom and righteous power. They encourage people to "use the Force"--the mystical energy which is the source of their power--but the truth, revealed in "The Phantom Menace," is that the Force isn't available to the rabble. The Force comes from midi-chlorians, tiny symbiotic organisms in people's blood, like mitochondria. The Force, it turns out, is an inherited, genetic trait. If you don't have the blood, you don't get the Force. Which makes the Jedi not a democratic militia, but a royalist Swiss guard.

And an arrogant royalist Swiss guard, at that. With one or two notable exceptions, the Jedi we meet in Star Wars are full of themselves. They ignore the counsel of others (often with terrible consequences), and seem honestly to believe that they are at the center of the universe. When the chief Jedi record-keeper is asked in "Attack of the Clones" about a planet she has never heard of, she replies that if it's not in the Jedi archives, it doesn't exist. (The planet in question does exist, again, with terrible consequences.)

In "Attack of the Clones," a mysterious figure, Count Dooku, leads a separatist movement of planets that want to secede from the Republic. Dooku promises these confederates smaller government, unlimited free trade, and an "absolute commitment to capitalism." Dooku's motives are suspect--it's not clear whether or not he believes in these causes. However, there's no reason to doubt the motives of the other separatists--they seem genuinely to want to make a fresh start with a government that isn't bloated and dysfunctional.

The Republic, of course, is eager to quash these separatists, but they never make a compelling case--or any case, for that matter--as to why, if they are such a freedom-loving regime, these planets should not be allowed to check out of the Republic and take control of their own destinies.

II. The Empire

We do not yet know the exact how's and why's, but we do know this: At some point between the end of Episode II and the beginning of Episode IV, the Republic is replaced by an Empire. The first hint comes in "Attack of the Clones," when the Senate's Chancellor Palpatine is granted emergency powers to deal with the separatists. It spoils very little to tell you that Palpatine eventually becomes the Emperor. For a time, he keeps the Senate in place, functioning as a rubber-stamp, much like the Roman imperial senate, but a few minutes into Episode IV, we are informed that the he has dissolved the Senate, and that "the last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away."

Lucas wants the Empire to stand for evil, so he tells us that the Emperor and Darth Vader have gone over to the Dark Side and dresses them in black.

But look closer. When Palpatine is still a senator, he says, "The Republic is not what it once was. The Senate is full of greedy, squabbling delegates. There is no interest in the common good." At one point he laments that "the bureaucrats are in charge now."

Palpatine believes that the political order must be manipulated to produce peace and stability. When he mutters, "There is no civility, there is only politics," we see that at heart, he's an esoteric Straussian.

Make no mistake, as emperor, Palpatine is a dictator--but a relatively benign one, like Pinochet. It's a dictatorship people can do business with. They collect taxes and patrol the skies. They try to stop organized crime (in the form of the smuggling rings run by the Hutts). The Empire has virtually no effect on the daily life of the average, law-abiding citizen.

Also, unlike the divine-right Jedi, the Empire is a meritocracy. The Empire runs academies throughout the galaxy (Han Solo begins his career at an Imperial academy), and those who show promise are promoted, often rapidly. In "The Empire Strikes Back" Captain Piett is quickly promoted to admiral when his predecessor "falls down on the job."

And while it's a small point, the Empire's manners and decorum speak well of it. When Darth Vader is forced to employ bounty hunters to track down Han Solo, he refuses to address them by name. Even Boba Fett, the greatest of all trackers, is referred to icily as "bounty hunter." And yet Fett understands the protocol. When he captures Solo, he calls him "Captain Solo." (Whether this is in deference to Han's former rank in the Imperial starfleet, or simply because Han owns and pilots his own ship, we don't know. I suspect it's the former.)

But the most compelling evidence that the Empire isn't evil comes in "The Empire Strikes Back" when Darth Vader is battling Luke Skywalker. After an exhausting fight, Vader is poised to finish Luke off, but he stays his hand. He tries to convert Luke to the Dark Side with this simple plea: "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. . . . Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy." It is here we find the real controlling impulse for the Dark Side and the Empire. The Empire doesn't want slaves or destruction or "evil." It wants order.

None of which is to say that the Empire isn't sometimes brutal. In Episode IV, Imperial stormtroopers kill Luke's aunt and uncle and Grand Moff Tarkin orders the destruction of an entire planet, Alderaan. But viewed in context, these acts are less brutal than they initially appear. Poor Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen reach a grisly end, but only after they aid the rebellion by hiding Luke and harboring two fugitive droids. They aren't given due process, but they are traitors.

The destruction of Alderaan is often cited as ipso facto proof of the Empire's "evilness" because it seems like mass murder--planeticide, even. As Tarkin prepares to fire the Death Star, Princess Leia implores him to spare the planet, saying, "Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons." Her plea is important, if true.

But the audience has no reason to believe that Leia is telling the truth. In Episode IV, every bit of information she gives the Empire is willfully untrue. In the opening, she tells Darth Vader that she is on a diplomatic mission of mercy, when in fact she is on a spy mission, trying to deliver schematics of the Death Star to the Rebel Alliance. When asked where the Alliance is headquartered, she lies again.

Leia's lies are perfectly defensible--she thinks she's serving the greater good--but they make her wholly unreliable on the question of whether or not Alderaan really is peaceful and defenseless. If anything, since Leia is a high-ranking member of the rebellion and the princess of Alderaan, it would be reasonable to suspect that Alderaan is a front for Rebel activity or at least home to many more spies and insurgents like Leia.

Whatever the case, the important thing to recognize is that the Empire is not committing random acts of terror. It is engaged in a fight for the survival of its regime against a violent group of rebels who are committed to its destruction.

III. After the Rebellion

As we all know from the final Star Wars installment, "Return of the Jedi," the rebellion is eventually successful. The Emperor is assassinated, Darth Vader abdicates his post and dies, the central governing apparatus of the Empire is destroyed in a spectacular space battle, and the rebels rejoice with their small, annoying Ewok friends. But what happens next?

(There is a raft of literature on this point, but, as I said at the beginning, I'm going to ignore it because it doesn't speak to Lucas's original intent.)

In Episode IV, after Grand Moff Tarkin announces that the Imperial Senate has been abolished, he's asked how the Emperor can possibly hope to keep control of the galaxy. "The regional governors now have direct control over territories," he says. "Fear will keep the local systems in line."

So under Imperial rule, a large group of regional potentates, each with access to a sizable army and star destroyers, runs local affairs. These governors owe their fealty to the Emperor. And once the Emperor is dead, the galaxy will be plunged into chaos.

In all of the time we spend observing the Rebel Alliance, we never hear of their governing strategy or their plans for a post-Imperial universe. All we see are plots and fighting. Their victory over the Empire doesn't liberate the galaxy--it turns the galaxy into Somalia writ large: dominated by local warlords who are answerable to no one.

Which makes the rebels--Lucas's heroes--an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who wreck the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back.

I'll take the Empire.

That should get the geeks freaking.

[brad laidman]

Furious that was totally my serious thought on the movie - if it wasn't called the dark side of the force but instead the i don't know green side

minus the disfiguring of the evil guys who knows who is evil and who isn't

i could see that maybe lucas is an unreliable source and the who set of movies is similar to Birth of a Nation's view of the klan or Triumph of the Will's view of the Nazi's

[Furious D]

Furious that was totally my serious thought on the movie - if it wasn't called the dark side of the force but instead the i don't know green side

YODA: Twisted by the green side of the force, young Skywalker has been. ;)

[Seedy Edgewick]

Brad, I think you're way off base, here, even if it is tongue-in-cheek.

There ARE female Jedi. We saw them in EP2 when the Jedi land on Geonosis. We saw a female Jedi get killed by a bunch of clones in Ep3. Some of the younglings Yoda teaches in Ep2 are female, as well.

The fact that there is a dearth of female characters means nothing about Star Wars as a series; there's a dearth of female characters in LOTS of action flicks. Hell, even the Tomb Raider flicks only had one woman character. It's a simple fact that our society is patriarchal -- male-oriented. The male experience is seen as the de facto standard; female-oriented stories are given their own genre (the "chick flick").

If you want to see lightsabers as phallic symbols, then you would by extension have to apply the same pedophilic logic to EVERY samurai movie ever made, including those by Akira Kurosawa. I have a feeling there are those who would take issue with such an interpretation.

The whole "love equals the dark side" thing isn't quite right, either. In Buddhism, there are four fundamental truths to the universe. One is that suffering is inherent to existence; if you're alive, you're going to suffer. Another truth is that eliminating desire eliminates suffering. THIS is where the anti-attachment part of the Jedi code comes from. The idea here is that the Jedi must be completely selfless; in order to do so, they must eliminate desire from their lives, whether that desire is for money, power, love, or possessions. Yoda doesn't say that love equals the dark side; he says that love for one person over others leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed. None of this has to do with a specific sexuality, whether hetero or homo. To the Jedi, any individual relationship can lead to ruin; they must strive to serve everyone, singling out no one.

Normally, I wouldn't have responded to this post, but the logic is a bit flawed, and I felt compelled to at least clarify some inaccuracies.

[drsweetscience]

Tartan Quentarino has unmasked the real gay agenda movie, Top Gun.
The popular guy, Val Kilmer's Iceman, is trying to seduce Tom Cruise. He's trying to get Maverick to stop hanging out with Kelly McGillis and play shirtless volleyball. Also, notice that the married with children character, Goose, dies in the film.
The happy ending is when Tom Cruise stops fighting guys in the locker room and buddies up to Iceman.

[brad laidman]

Good Points Seedy

I just walked out thinking wow what a "swordfight"
Hell maybe there are female Jedi - hell maybe some were even on the council - it just didn't seem like it.

The more I think about it though - I'd have liked it if there was some doubt about how bad Anakin's choice was. Sam Jackson and Yoda might have been part of a council but hell they sure didn't discuss anything - at least with anyone outside of their twosome.

I know Superman can't have Lois Lane because he has to be Superman - but to anyone who isn't obsessed - I dare you to tell me what the hell the clone wars etc were about much less who was on each side.

Apparently after knocking up Natalie it was thus impossible for him to remain a Jedi - so does he go dark or retire from the force?

Here's another question - how can a Jedi ever beat a Sith in a fight given that the Sith is using the whole force and the Jedi by definition has one hand behind his back.

If I were a talented filmmaker with a 100 mil or so I'd definitely redo Episode III from the Sith point of view.

[sonnyboo]

Additionally, there is not one female Jedi.

There are not only women Jedi in all 3 prequels, they even have them on the council, as leaders.

[Phil Hall]

FYI - NAMBLA is a very small organization which encourages pedophilia, and it is NOT supported by the overwhelming majority of gays. In fact, I think the NAMBLA people have been banned from many gay pride celebrations.

[saccharine]

are any of these characters human? i mean i know this is the assumption but do they ever come right out and say it? i mean i cant say i've watched either the OT or the prequels recently but is there any mention of what race our heroes are? since its a galaxy far away i'm gonna guess were not talking about earth men here so therefore for all we know they have no sex drive whatsoever. to assume they are buggering small boys is a pretty far stretch from what ive seen in the five episodes ive seen so far.

i'm going to agree with rory here i smell preoccupation. i cant say i've ever watched any of the star wars flicks and thought wow i smell a lust for young men here, but then again i have yet to see Ep III.

[drsweetscience]

Would I reveal too much geekiness if I were to offer that Jabba the Hutt looks like he could be in the North American Marlon Brando Look-alikes Association?

[bonedad]

A thought occurs, and I might be completely offbase here (only saw Episode I when it first came out and never again since), but if Lucas has now established that 'Jedi-ness' is inherited rather than learned, and if part of being a Jedi means you have to rid yourself of selfish concepts like sexual desire, then how the hell have they ever managed to reproduce and pass on the inherited quality that makes one a candidate for Jedihood in the first place?

Unless they were a dying breed and thus were so easy to wipe out in the end, I guess. Not many of them left? If so, why train new Jedis to ignore the very impulse that would help them swell their ranks in the future? Seems a pretty fucked-up philosophy of self-destruction to me.

Admittedly, I became a disappointed SW fan back when Return of the Jedi was released. Episode I confirmed it for me, and Episode II, well, I haven't even seen it. :rolleyes: So maybe I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Feel free to correct me, if so.

[iEatBrainMatter]

I think anyone has the potential within them to be Force Sensitive. Some show signs of it more than others. So they are recruited by existing Jedi.

[fortunesfool]

Not to get off topic...Ok...to get off topic.

Why does no one ask why Leia is a Princess when her 'adopted' parents aren't royalty and she isn't married to royalty.

Surely the 'My mother was a princess is a bit of a giveaway'

?

[Smalls]

I don't see where someone would get pedophilia out of Star Wars... but there's certainly something in the healthy category of man-on-man about the way the Sith operate:

It's really mostly about the Emperor trading out his aging lover, Dooku, and his secondary lover... not more than a battery-powered sex-toy Osama Bin-Grievous... for the young man-flesh of Hayden Cardboardsen.

"Anakin, the dark side is so... STRONG... and the tradition is so LONG... and there's such a... DEPTH AND GIRTH to our knowledge and..."

Yeah. If you didn't see Chancellor Ovaltine's swaying of Annie to the dark as an older fading gay man seducing a young impressionable dude just trying to get comfortable in the gay community after coming out... you had to have had your fanboy blinders on.

All the issues of female abandonment that were rife in the prequels, though, I think it's pretty obvious had little to do with homosexuality and a whole lot to do with the entire career trajectory of Lucas... a guy who started losing the focus on his creative vision when his wife/editor/voice-of-reason left him to grow old in his own little kingdom surrounded by yes-man producers, awe-filled computer nerds and his adopted kids... none of whom had either the power or the inclination to say "A Jamacian lizard-bunny? Darth Vader's a nine-year-old who saves the world on accident? Are you high?"

The only person who could really tell this immensely-talented and growingly immensely-powerful-and-wealthy guy "no"... was his lady who left him, for whatever reasons she did.

And without anyone to reign in his dislike of directing actors, his overlove for the shitty serials of the 30s and 40s and his intense desire to push the boundaries of technology with total disregard to the fundamentals of storytelling... his prequels became a reflection of Darth Vader himself.

Burnt-up, twisted, incomplete... more machine than man... their awesome potential stunted by all the damage... yet still having just enough of who they used to be thirty years ago for us to all hope for their redemption.

Which we didn't get very much of, except for an echo of an ghost at the very end.

The honestly-moving ending... the wordless delivery of Leia and Luke to their adoptive parents... is that little piece left redeemable at the end, not unlike the fluorescent green ghost of Anakin at the end of Jedi.

And just like Anakin, you know, okay, it's good that there was a little bit of redemption at the end of the game but... so much potential wasted, like being the chosen one and blowing it all because you couldn't deal with the idea of losing your girl.

I hate these analogies that get too-airtight.

[The Baron]

I am a predominantly young male...

Really? What's the rest of you? :eek:

[Furious D]

Really? What's the rest of you? :eek:

The lab results say he's 14% cocker spaniel and 17% parts from an old betamax player. :p

[Rory L. Aronsky]

And 69% plastic covering.

[Seedy Edgewick]

Why does no one ask why Leia is a Princess when her 'adopted' parents aren't royalty and she isn't married to royalty?

We've seen the precedent of a "royal" leader becoming a Senator in Queen/Senator Padme Amidala. Perhaps the Organa family on Alderaan had a similar situation going on -- they're royalty who serve in the Galactic Senate. Since Bail Organa is a Senator when we see him, he is never addressed by his "royal" title. So, Leia's adopted parents could well have been royalty, on Alderaan, at least.

[Furious D]

Leia's adopted parents could well have been royalty, on Alderaan, at least.

Or during the period between Episode 3 and Episode 4, Bail Organa did a secret deal with the Emperor and usurped the throne of Alderaan for himself, only to turn against the Empire and join the rebels.

On a related topic...

I would have liked to have seen the prequels go a little differently. Especially in Ep. 1 where they said Anakin was a virgin birth, and then nothing. There was a great plot device but Lucas didn't use it. It could have wrapped up the story, the prophecy crap, and made more sense about his turn to the Dark Side.

Lucas should have revealed that the reason Anakin doesn't have a father is because he was created in a genetics lab by renegade Jedi, trying to force the prophecy along.

But then someone realised that in order for the prophecy to happen, the Jedi would have to perish along with the Sith, so they tried to get rid of it, but Palpatine intercepted the embryonic Anakin and implanted it in his mother. When Anakin finds out he's being used as a puppet by the Jedi, he goes completely batty and everything goes to Sith.

It's got everything, conspiracy, prophecies, explains his birth, the reluctance of the Jedi to truly accept him, and the almost instant interest that Palpatine shows in him.

That's just my idea, but I'm just a geek who likes coherent plots, not a billionaire living in California. What do I know? :rolleyes:

[Smalls]

Far be it from me to be Occam's Razor here but... why couldn't Papaltine have just boinked Schmi?

Sensed her strong with the Force, laid down some seed and wiped her mind, in hopes of bringing forth the Chosen One?

Why does it have to be... magical chlorophyll, manipulated by great evil, making half a baby?

[Furious D]

Far be it from me to be Occam's Razor here but... why couldn't Papaltine have just boinked Schmi?

My version has the element of the destructive arrogance the Jedi show in the first two episodes, and besides, they did the whole 'Sith Lord as lost Father' thing in the original trilogy. This way they could have had all the Jedi be Anakin's father, at least genetically, and that should mess up the spoiler hunters on the internet.

Either that or make Chewbacca Anakin's father.

[Jagermeister70]

Would I reveal too much geekiness if I were to offer that Jabba the Hutt looks like he could be in the North American Marlon Brando Look-alikes Association?

This has nothing to do with anything, but this reference (it's from South Park, right?) got me thinking. How awesome would it have been if Lucas had put in a training montage. Complete with Trey Parker's song from Team America and South Park. They could have Palpatine holding Anakin's feet while doing sit-ups, Anakin eating raw eggs and running laps with Palpatine timing him and laughing diabolically. This could have led right into a Jedi killing montage, with Anakin (now Vader) slicing up Jedi in five second clips set to music. At the end Vader could kill his way to the top of some mountain and jump up in celebration, complete with a Rocky fist pump. This is not to say I didn't like Episode III; I did. I just think no movie can be considered truly finished without a training montage.