tomasy
10-23-2003, 08:21 AM
Here's a very funny review a friend of mine wrote.
Warning: SPOILERS
"aw, we missed the boat to our party! what now?"
i know, lets pay the boat captain $1500 to take us to party island
yes, one thousand five hundred dollars. for a boat ride. wtf?
then you cut to the party. hey lets leave the party so i can show my
boobies
lookit my boobies. boobies boobies boobies. i'm naked in the water
look, the camera goes under water to see me naked. no zombies, just naked.
yay, we made it to the island, and found the party spot. where is
everybody?
biggest rave of the year, everything is set up, no people, no noise, all
the alchohol is still here
oh well, everything must be okay, lets drink. yay! we are retarded!
what? zombies? oh no, one of us is hurt. don't worry i am conveniently
placed pre-med student
where is the boat captain? oh here he is.
he is a GUN SMUGGLER. hurray! look at our shiny new guns!
we all sucked and got tore up by zombies, but put a gun in our hands and
BAM, military commandos.
partyman fires the gun, FREEZE FRAME, camera pans all the way around matrix
style for good view of every angle of party hero.
partygirl fires gun, amazing repeat cinematic display. now repeat for every
character. make it stop.
freeze frame, zoom and pan around. again and again and again. yahoo! we
shoot hundreds!
we shoot the zombies, headshots every freakin' time. what, out of ammo?
nooo!!! time for karate action.
we are all ninjas. ninja kick. wooo! we are zombie killing machines. god
dammit.
we try to hold up in the house to hold off the zombies. this is a quote
now, i'm serious,
"look at this book, its really old, maybe it can help us"
zombie pirate man from the 1600's made all the zombies. no one finds the
zombies, not in 400 years.
they are science zombies made with mutated blood cells from 1600's
genetics. yay!
everybody falls to zombie island, except us kids who came to party. you
will not stop our party style kung fu!
what you say? someone set us up the bomb. there is gunpowder here we
explode to escape.
how old is the gun powder? does it work? of course it does! we shot it with
our gun!
wait, doesn't gunpowder need fire? no, just hit by a bullet! yay! we are
gay!
we escape through the underground tunnel. zombie pirate man gets us, but
everything explodes with my grenade.
where was the grenade? i wasn't carrying it before, but i needed it so i
have one now.
kaboom! we have escaped, zombies are exploded. wait, zombie pirate is
invulnerable, he is unharmed completely!
now it is sword fight time. swords for everyone. where did they come from?
everyone always has swords.
lucky is the girlfriend, who conviently spends all her time practicing
fencing. good job!
stabby stabbo! boyfriend puts axe in zombie neck during sword fight. head
falls off.
but zombie body still attacks. zombie head works by remote control! science
zombies have magical powers!
zombie head is stomped, zombie body dies. we have won!!!! don't mess with
the rave crowd, zombie army!
Warning: SPOILERS
"aw, we missed the boat to our party! what now?"
i know, lets pay the boat captain $1500 to take us to party island
yes, one thousand five hundred dollars. for a boat ride. wtf?
then you cut to the party. hey lets leave the party so i can show my
boobies
lookit my boobies. boobies boobies boobies. i'm naked in the water
look, the camera goes under water to see me naked. no zombies, just naked.
yay, we made it to the island, and found the party spot. where is
everybody?
biggest rave of the year, everything is set up, no people, no noise, all
the alchohol is still here
oh well, everything must be okay, lets drink. yay! we are retarded!
what? zombies? oh no, one of us is hurt. don't worry i am conveniently
placed pre-med student
where is the boat captain? oh here he is.
he is a GUN SMUGGLER. hurray! look at our shiny new guns!
we all sucked and got tore up by zombies, but put a gun in our hands and
BAM, military commandos.
partyman fires the gun, FREEZE FRAME, camera pans all the way around matrix
style for good view of every angle of party hero.
partygirl fires gun, amazing repeat cinematic display. now repeat for every
character. make it stop.
freeze frame, zoom and pan around. again and again and again. yahoo! we
shoot hundreds!
we shoot the zombies, headshots every freakin' time. what, out of ammo?
nooo!!! time for karate action.
we are all ninjas. ninja kick. wooo! we are zombie killing machines. god
dammit.
we try to hold up in the house to hold off the zombies. this is a quote
now, i'm serious,
"look at this book, its really old, maybe it can help us"
zombie pirate man from the 1600's made all the zombies. no one finds the
zombies, not in 400 years.
they are science zombies made with mutated blood cells from 1600's
genetics. yay!
everybody falls to zombie island, except us kids who came to party. you
will not stop our party style kung fu!
what you say? someone set us up the bomb. there is gunpowder here we
explode to escape.
how old is the gun powder? does it work? of course it does! we shot it with
our gun!
wait, doesn't gunpowder need fire? no, just hit by a bullet! yay! we are
gay!
we escape through the underground tunnel. zombie pirate man gets us, but
everything explodes with my grenade.
where was the grenade? i wasn't carrying it before, but i needed it so i
have one now.
kaboom! we have escaped, zombies are exploded. wait, zombie pirate is
invulnerable, he is unharmed completely!
now it is sword fight time. swords for everyone. where did they come from?
everyone always has swords.
lucky is the girlfriend, who conviently spends all her time practicing
fencing. good job!
stabby stabbo! boyfriend puts axe in zombie neck during sword fight. head
falls off.
but zombie body still attacks. zombie head works by remote control! science
zombies have magical powers!
zombie head is stomped, zombie body dies. we have won!!!! don't mess with
the rave crowd, zombie army!