Top 10 Best Films Never Made

[Furious D]

Here are the top Ten flicks that Hollywood will never make.

1. Beating John Malcovich: The epic story of some guys who didn't care for Malcovich's last performance and decide to let him know it in a physical way.

2. Jason VS The Hulk: The ultimate flogging of a dead horse. It could also feature Jason Voorheez's first bit of dialogue when Bruce Banner morphs into the Hulk and Jason says: "I'm in way over my head this time..."

3. My Best Friend's Same Sex Wedding: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere and Bill Pullman star together in this wacky comedy that's more fun than the law allows. Besides, I think Bill Pullman deserves a happy ending.

4. XXXL: The new sequel to Vin Diesel's XXX. Except this time he's really let himself go and has ballooned up to 400 lbs. Tagline: XXXL is on Bad-Ass Fat-Ass!

5. The Endless Line-Up: Another Disney flick based on one of the features of Disneyland. It could star Johnny Depp as Wally the Tourist from Omaha waiting in line for Space Mountain & Snoop Dogg as Chuckie, the hard-assed ticket-taker with a heart of gold. Since the line never moves and nothing happens it would only cost around $124 million to make.

6. Bad Hobbits: A new Film from Michael Bay. Frodo and Samwise Gamgee break out the machine guns and bring law and order to Middle Earth. If you listen very carefully you will hear Tolkien spinning in his grave.

7. Escape from Salt Lake City: The new John Carpenter film where Snake Plissken finds himself enduring a tedious Saturday night in Salt Lake City. Will he survive?

8. Shatner! The Musical: A musical exploration of the genius that is Shatner. Written, directed and starring William Shatner.

9. American Pie Goes to Camp Crystal Lake: Another case of sequels meeting sequels. We can officially close the file on the American Pie gang when they gather for a vacation on Jason Voorheez's favourite hunting ground. Wacky genital comedy and frequent decapitations, who could ask for anything more?

10. Charlie's Angels 3: Throttle McG: Watch the babes from Charlie's Angels strangle the living jesus out of all-sizzle-no-steak director McG. A guaranteed winner with anyone who saw the last Charlie's Angels movie.

[Reverend Ned]

Jokes aside, the only film that I can think of which should have been made was Alejandro Jodorowsky's version of "Dune". It was going to be the greatest movie ever made... and it never was.

[KevinCarr]

Here's another one that would have made a kick-ass movie but was shut down partway through production for money reasons.

In the 1980s, George Romero's production company (the name escapes me... sorry) was working on a version of Stephen King's "Apt Pupil." It was to star Rick Schroeder in his post-"Silver Spoons"/pre-"NYPD Blue" days (read as: when he was in a dark time in his career).

Now I thought Bryan Singer's version wasn't bad, but I would have loved to see Rick Schroeder as the wanna be Nazi.

[Furious D]

Since we're on a serious note about good films that haven't & will never be made, how about Harlan Ellison's screenplay for Isaac Asimov's I, ROBOT.

The original script was an intelligent drama about artificial intelligence and its effect on people & society. Now it's being made as an action/comedy shoot-em-up movie starring rapper turned actor Will Smith. The only thing it has in common with the source material is the title.

Someone at Warner Bros deserves a vicious tongue lashing from Ellison who has been trying to get his faithful version to the screen for over twenty five years.

If you listen carefully you can hear Isaac Asimov spinning in his grave.

[dudett]

Chris Cunningham:Neuromancer

[mynameisnobody]

Darren Aronofsky's "The Fountain."