Do the latest crop of horror offerings leave you wanting more… blood? Well fear not, or what I mean to say is, do fear – I have compiled a list of horror flicks that rarely make the rounds. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, because I’m actually warning you now. These movies are bloody, brutal, offensive, shocking, horribly disgusting and you’re going to love them. Seek these out and see them any way you can.
1. Rubber (2010) Directed by Quentin Dupieux, whose name is not synonymous with horror but should be, Rubber tells the tale of a tire that comes to life and causes havoc by blowing up its victims’ heads. Yes, a tire. A tire that you will have empathy for when you see the world through the eyes of this poor, dark circular car parts’ point of view. The film also features one of the greatest opening monologues in any film as it questions the very bizarre premise of the movie you are about to see.
2. Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006) Before Lloyd Kaufman made a name for himself playing a prisoner uncredited in Guardians of the Galaxy, he produced some of the most gruesome, cheap and charming horror films on the planet. Class of Nuke ‘Em High, The Toxic Avenger and Tromeo and Juliet are among some of the most horrific gorefests in cinema history. But Lloyd takes it to whole new levels with one of the most unwatchable and disgusting (I mean this as a compliment) in Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. Morgan Spurlock’s documentary Super Size Me horrified us by exposing the dangers of eating fast food, but Poultrygeist, set in a fictional fast food chain, contains gross-out moments involving chicken eggs that I cannot explain without receiving the editor’s axe. Do not eat for four to six hours after pressing play on Poultrygeist.
3. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977) Boasting an awesome title that is only eclipsed by the classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is exactly what you’d expect. It’s about a bed that eats people! The utterly ridiculous plot is taken with dead seriousness by the cast/victims which makes it that much more enjoyable. A favorite of comedian Patton Oswalt who claimed the film inspired him to consider writing a follow-up called Rape Stove. We’re still waiting Patton.
4. Frankenhooker (1990) Based loosely on the 1950s classic The Head that Wouldn’t Die, this Frank Hennenlotter film is a departure from his more serious work with the Basketcase series. This comedy-horror takes a dark turn when a medical student’s overweight but loving girlfriend is tragically decapitated. This gives the young doctor-to-be the chance to choose an all-new sexy, skinny body for his honey. This film has the distinction of simultaneously fulfilling every man’s fantasy while offending women in general, but it is seriously bloody fun.
5. Troll Hunter (2010) Shot in the style of mock documentaries like The Blair Witch Project, Troll Hunter is about a group of students who investigate a series of mysterious bear killings, but quickly learn that this is no average bear. They soon discover a race of gargantuan trolls roaming the frozen landscape of Norway. The film is actually based on old Scandinavian folklore including references to a troll living under a bridge ala “Three Billy Goats Gruff.” This movie will ruin your childhood in the best way.
6. Tokyo Gore Police (2008) One might go mad trying to estimate the number of gallons of blood used to make Tokyo Gore Police. Set in a not-too-distant future containing Japanese schoolgirls wielding samurai swords (the future cannot get here fast enough) battling ooze-spewing mutants. The sheer amount of blood and gore makes up for the semi-coherent story, which only seems to be an excuse to showcase more blood and gore. Did I mention the blood and gore?
7. The ABCs of Death (2012) A series of 26 shorts each focusing on a letter of the alphabet. Some are amazing, others just gross, but all are under five minutes, so even the worst of the bunch are painless. Perhaps the most entertaining segment is “W is for WTF” directed by Jon Schnepp who attempts to find out the real meaning of “WTF.” Horrific and hilarious!
8. Psychomania aka The Death Wheelers (1973) While I love John Carpenter’s original Halloween along with classics like The Hills Have Eyes and Phantasm, there’s one horror classic that tends to get overlooked and it is Psychomania. This British zombie biker gang flick is in a category all its own. The members of the biker gang “The Living Dead” increase their reign of terror in a small town when they figure out that if they kill themselves and become zombies, they can never die. So the zombie biker gang does just that and pranks the locals by killing them in murderously goofy ways. Hilarity ensues.
9. Retardead (2008) No, this is not the nickname of Rick and his merry band of survivors (but it should be), it is actually a low-budget movie with a curiously offensive title. Retardead fits into that classic movie genre that I call “I-can’t-believe-this-movie-actually-got-made.” It also makes a perfect double feature with another film from that genre about a killer toilet called Monsturd. You will be sorry you watched either of these films, but just think of the story you’ll have to tell you friends.
10. The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made (2005) As the creator of such modern trash classics as Ass Monsters, filmmaker Bill Zebub’s movie lives up to its title as truly the worst horror movie ever made. The film features things like victims impaled in the butt, Christ flying on the cross and getting blown out of the sky, talking turds, the mummy, and the most ridiculous deaths ever captured by a digital camera. Zebub even had the guts to follow up his 2005 film in 2008 with The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made: The Remake. This double bill could result in one of the worst evenings of your life, so if you want to live dangerously, take the risk and watch them both.